Tag Archives: mindset

One Foot In Afterwards

In the here & now, ,

It’s not often that I resent the fact that I have to work for a living, in fact the opposite is true. I enjoy my job a lot, and I love the company that I work for, but honestly, after having a lovely long run of ten days off, the very last thing I wanted to do last night was set my alarm for stupid o’clock, and haul my sorry ass back to work. I mean come on, surely it’s my turn to win the lottery or something?

If I didn’t have to work, I could spend my days doing all those things that I never have time to think about when I’m caught up in the daily grind. I’ve never not worked, and I realise that makes me more fortunate than some, but it’s been awesome this week just pottering around at home. And I’ll tell you what else, it’s been much easier to stick to my food plan, because there hasn’t been anywhere near the same amount of temptations that I’m used to fielding on a daily basis.

I can pretty much guarantee that in our office of ten people, one of us will be eating or chewing or grazing on something at any given point in time. And I can also guarantee that as soon as I hear the crinkle of a wrapper, my ears are all over it. I want in.

I can’t help wondering how long it will be before I get to the point where resisting temptation doesn’t come with a hefty dollop of resentment. Will it ever? I’ve become fairly well-rehearsed in the art of saying no and holding the line with the Asshole voice, but I’m still one hundred percent in that place where I want to mutter under my breath and kick whichever lucky bastard is eating the thing I can’t have as soon as the words leave my lips.

Resisting temptation makes me feel good afterwards, especially at bedtime if I’m reflecting on a day that hasn’t turned out to be a smart-points car crash. It’s the same when I go to the Kingdom of Pain, you know? I feel better afterwards, even though the hour of torture itself is still something I have to work hard at not resenting. The people make it fun, but for the record I fucking hate kettle bells until the end of time.

I reckon it’s more of a challenge to live in the moment when you’re trying to lose weight, because all the good stuff seems to happen after the event. Make the right choice, and then feel good about it afterwards. Do you think this is what normal people do, like all the time? Maybe I’ve lived my life so far with an upside-down approach…as far back as I can remember, gratification in the moment and regret and self recrimination afterwards is all I’ve ever known.

It’s taken me a while to learn how to appreciate the afterwards. The penny didn’t drop straight away, about cause and effect. I’m slowly turning the ship, but I’m still wrestling with the wheel and I think I probably will be for a good while yet. Maybe I always will. Maybe I’m just wired in a way that means feeling pissed off in the moment because I can’t eat what I really want to eat will always happen?

I hope not. I hope I’ll get to that place where resisting temptation is as natural as breathing. I live in hope 🙂

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

Done Fakin’ It!

In the here & now, ,

I am full of the joys of spring this morning, in fact it would be fair to say that I haven’t stopped grinning since yesterday morning’s conversation with the Shitbird Scale. And it’s not like I bagged a massive number or anything, it just wasn’t nought point fuck all, and that on its own was enough to inspire my happy dance. One and three quarter pounds off, which takes me under my pre-Cuba weight, and that means it’s all virgin territory from here.

Well, I say that…it’s virgin this time around. Obviously I’ve popped this particular cherry many times before, on the way up and on the way down again, in fact I’ve hung out in the two thirties forties and fifties most of my adult life. But, this time is the last time, right? I don’t intend to see this number again. It had a nice ring to it yesterday. Two hundred and forty four pounds. Today it’s already getting old. When I weighed two hundred and forty six, two four four was appealing. Now it’s not. Now two four two looks like the place to be, dare I even say two four one and I’m on it like a car bonnet.

Most exciting of all is that the experiment with how and when I spend my food budget did seem to give the needle a bit of a shove, you know? I mean I know it’s only week one and it might have been a complete coincidence, but all the same I’m going to do it again this week to try and keep the momentum going. I know a few of you were going to give it a go too and I’m dying to know how you’ve all got on.

I barely worked out last week, in fact I only managed one class. God of Pain has restricted me to the only one I can do with my knackered knee, and breaking news on that front is that the physio thinks I’ve torn the cartilage. He’s suggested I go get an MRI scan to confirm one way or the other. If it is torn, I’ll probably need surgery but you know what, I refuse to get down about it. I’m frustrated more than anything because apart from the fact that it hurts like a bitch, it’s stopping me from working out.

And who the fuck ever thought those words would come out of my mouth?

I’m slowly cottoning on to the fact that those are my actual thoughts. I mean, seriously…on one day last week I had open season on my food budget, and I wimped out. I had permission, a hall pass for a whole day with a ton of points at my disposal and I went to bed with some of them left on the table. And now, I’ve got a bone-fide excuse not to work out, and instead of hurling myself into the recliner with sheer relief that I don’t need to break a sweat any time soon, I’m pissed off at the interruption to my fitness schedule.

I’ve talked a good game you know, for the last 18 months in terms of working all this out but there was definitely an element of fake it ’till you make it…saying and doing are all very well, and credit where it’s due, you know? Doing when you don’t feel it is tough. You have to dig in, when you don’t really want to. Thing is, when you do start feeling it…well, that’s the game changer isn’t it?

The moment you realise you’re done faking it, is the moment you dare to believe it’s for keeps 🙂

 

Like it..? Tell your friends!