Tag Archives: holidays

Am I Skinny Yet?

In the here & now, ,

Hmm. I just caught sight of myself in the mirror and I suspect the answer is no. Fuck. Last Christmas, I was heading into the New Year feeling frustrated that over the course of the year I’d only lost about twenty pounds. This time, I’m heading into the New Year having lost and regained the same fucking twenty pounds several times over, and I’ll probably achieve a net result of sweet bugger all as I step over the threshold of 2018.

You could say that 2017 hasn’t quite gone according to plan.

Don’t you always think that the end of the year is a great time for taking stock of where you’re at? Don’t worry, I’m not about to get all maudlin on your ass, I mean I’m in quite a good place as it happens. My bum might still be the size of a small continent but I’m reasonably fit these days and I’m enjoying living my life. My eyes are focused on what’s in front of me, not what’s gone before, and I have a feeling that 2018 is the year I’m going to knock it out of the park.

I survived a buffet yesterday. Not gonna lie, the only green thing on my plate was a cucumber stick and in the spirit of full disclosure there was an enormous dollop of hummus on the end so I can’t use it as a shining beacon of food sobriety.

I also had a piece of quiche, a handful of Doritos and a small bit of cheesecake but all in all I didn’t do too bad. No sausage rolls and no bread. Most importantly I didn’t come home and think fuck it, I’ve blown today already so I may as well eat Chinese food. I chucked the balance of my weekly points into yesterday’s bucket just in case, and moved on.

I’m now function-free right over the holiday season, and although I’m going to buy one or two goodies for Christmas day, both me and my boy are pretty determined to stay true to our respective food plans so I have no plans to fill the cupboards with food fuckery. This will be my third Christmas without cheese balls…who could’ve imagined that might ever happen? I’m amazed.

So what do you reckon about Sunday’s weigh-in? I’m feeling good about the week, and even though I’ve eaten a bunch of fat-girl food I’ve stayed within points. My money’s on a one pound loss, although I was going for three. Would you care to make a small wager…?

Listen guys, whatever you’re up to over the next few days I wish you all the love in the world and I hope you have an awesome Christmas. Good luck with your respective food plans and I hope Santa is kind. I’m sorry for being an imperfect role model and spending much of this year fannying about eating the wrong stuff. Often in industrial quantities, to my shame. I’ll do better next year, I promise. Most of all, thank you for the big love and massive support…I feel you behind me with every step, and you’re amazing.

I’ll update the Shitbird Chronicles as usual on Sunday, and I’ll be back with another post next Wednesday. I’m totally praying that the Gods of Skinny find a way to keep me on this straight and narrow path between now and then 🙂

 

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

Sort Of Kind Of Behaving. (Ish.)

In the here & now, ,

So that’s it then…my out of office is on, and now it’s all about the pre-holiday chores…the last minute dash for forgotten essentials, food shopping to stop the man-child from starving whilst I’m away not to mention holiday toes, nails and lashes. I’m exhausted just thinking about it but I’m as giddy as a kipper and I’ll have the wind under my feet as I whizz around being busy today…it’s holiday time!! 🙂

I think I’ve had the divil in me this week, way more than I will have next. Next week is it, and now it’s here, I’m ready to relax. I caught myself at the mid week point fretting about what I was going to do about my diet, so I gave my head a wobble, and reached a ceasefire of sorts with the Asshole voice. In principle, he’ll shut the fuck up if I agree to lighten up a bit and stop obsessing about what I can or can’t eat.

I don’t know why it’s grabbed a hold of me this time where for the last two years I’ve managed holidays perfectly well. I think this will be our fourth cruise since I started writing my blog, and I didn’t go to hell in a hand cart after the first three, so I’m just being a fucking drama queen and I need to stop it.

Here’s the plan. I’ll be sensible at breakfast and lunch, do plenty of exercise and eat what I want at dinner. I’m going to drink the cocktails and I’m not going to obsess about how many calories there might be in a glass of champagne or a gin sling. I’m going to act like a normal person and not do nine circuits of the buffet. If I fancy an ice-cream I’m going to have one, but I’m not going to inhale gelato on every street corner, or have a nine-scoop triple decker with extra nuts.

We’re planning on exploring all the things we want to see on foot, so I’ll get squillions of steps in, and I’ll take my gym stuff in case I fancy a dabble. I want to feel like I’ve earned what I’m putting in my mouth, and that’s sort of the deal I’ve made with myself, you know? I’ve put at least ten new novels on my kindle, and I’m looking forward to dragging my sun lounger into the shady corner of our balcony and reading them against a backdrop of acres of ocean and blue sky.

I don’t want to deal with Armageddon when I get home so I’m not going to be stupid. I’m going to sort of kind of behave myself and I will earn the right to indulge a bit when I want to.

So, that’s me folks, over and out for the next week, in here at least…keep your eye on the Facebook page, and I’ll post lots of lovely pictures as we bob around the Med.

As they say in Rome…arrivederci!  🙂

 

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

Blue Sky Peeping Through The Clouds

In the here & now, ,

All of a sudden, the world is looking brighter. Mum is doing much better. The bug which kept us at arm’s length over the weekend has blown itself out, and tonight we had a lovely visit. It was bittersweet, because she’s lost so much ground over the last couple of weeks. She turned to me earlier and said you’re my daughter, aren’t you..?  I mean, ouch. That’s a first. But she’s okay, and happy, albeit in her own little world.

And this is me hitting a home run of best behaviour…I know, right? Yey me. I’ve forgotten to count the days because my head’s been elsewhere but I can confirm that I’ve existed in an Asshole-free-zone since at least the weekend and I’m feeling pretty sure-footed. With the exception of the chocolate orange segments on Saturday I think I’ve put my best foot forward for well over a week now and I feel like I’m back on track.

We had a little service on Monday to scatter the ashes of my Godmother, and it really lifted my spirits. Unlike the funeral, which was hard, Monday was full of laughter…mainly at the expense of the vicar, I’ve got to be honest. About ten years ago, my Godmother lost her precious cat, and she wanted to bury him in the grounds of the church where she worshipped. Sadly, the Vicar said no.

Now, ‘no’ isn’t a word that my Godmother was especially fond of, unless she was the one saying it of course. She didn’t argue with the Vicar at the time, but she did pay a visit to the churchyard in the middle of the night armed with a torch, a shovel and a dead cat, and despite her gnarly old arthritis-ridden hands made a very good job of laying him to rest. She wanted her ashes scattered near to the spot she picked out all those years ago, and so despite the solemnity of the occasion on Monday, all of us in the know couldn’t help grinning as we sensed her approval at being reunited with Taffy in the glorious autumn sunshine.

Happily, the Vicar remains oblivious.

My mum wasn’t able to join us which I found quite hard, but by the same token she’d forgotten it was even happening and that’s a blessing.

So, onwards…my thoughts are turning to my holiday, which is coming up in just eleven more sleeps. I’m so relieved that it looks like I’ll be going after all. I’ve bought a couple of new frocks, which I’d hoped might fit me by the time we went, but I’ve dicked around so much with my underwhelming half-a-pound-per-month average weight loss I’ve got no chance, not this time around.

On the bright side though, I weigh about the same as I did when I went to Italy in June, so at least I have a holiday wardrobe which fits and feels nice…isn’t that just the best feeling?

We’ll be flying to Venice then sailing from there to Montenegro, Corfu, Sardinia, Naples and Rome. It’s going to be warm but not too hot and now all the drama seems to have subsided I just can’t wait.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’m due a little R&R 🙂

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

A Nice Problem To Have

In the here & now, , ,

I think I mentioned didn’t I, that I was going away for the weekend with my mum? We’ve rented a little cottage near the sea, just for a few nights and when I went up to help her pack her bag last night she was almost beside herself…she does giddy almost as well as I do. To be fair, I think she’s just excited about spending four days with Charlie dog, who she utterly adores, but she doesn’t seem to mind that I’m tagging along too.

Mum’s packing was easy. She only has a tiny wardrobe, housing a few carefully selected clothes. My packing on the other hand, is proving more difficult, and it boils down to the fact that there’s just too much choice in my wardrobe these days. My first cut would have kept me comfortably clothed for a month, so I fannied around for ages putting things back and trying to second-guess what the weather’s going to do so I could pack just the right amount of stuff. Yeah, epic fail on that front by the way, my bags are stuffed to bursting point and anyone would think I’m about to leave home.

I’ll tell you what though, how much more enjoyable is it, packing for a trip when you’re excited to wear the things you’re taking with you? I know I won’t wear half the things I’ve packed but choosing which ones to leave behind is impossible because I want to wear them all so I’m unashamedly dragging a ridiculously large suitcase with me because you know what, I’ve earned the right to revel in these clothes. I’ll try them all on and do a fashion show for my mum every morning and then decide what to wear.

I have this wonderfully romanticised picture in my head, of me, gliding along the promenade with the gentle sea breeze ruffling my hair, looking so stylish in my new duds that folk take a moment from their busy day to just admire the look. Come on, that’s never going to happen. I’m more likely to be battered by the hoolie blowing off the east coast, which will whip my hair into a frenzy as I try to control a hyper-excited cocker spaniel and prevent my tiny octogenarian mum from blowing down the beach.

It doesn’t matter, does it? Whether anyone notices I look nice or not, I’ll feel nice. I’m about to go work out, and as I grit my teeth all the way through my muffin tops and bingo wings class, I’ll be thinking about those size eighteen linen pants hanging on the outside of my wardrobe. For my friends in the States, that’s a fourteen in your neck of the woods…I know, right? I’m five dress sizes down from where I started. I don’t care that there’s barely room to squeeze out a trump once I’ve put them on…they fasten, and I can still breathe if I sit down so as far as I’m concerned, they fit.

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter. Keep your eye on the Facebook page for postcards from the East Coast, and I’ll see you on the other side 🙂

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

Not This Year…

In the here & now, , ,

I’d somehow imagined that my suitcase this year would be as light as a feather given that the clothes in it are several sizes smaller than the ones it carried last year. I had the good grace to look a bit sheepish earlier this afternoon when packing of said suitcase was in full swing, once I realised exactly how many new clothes I’ve actually bought.

It’s not even like I’m planning to stay in a size 18 for long, I’m kind of passing through if you like…it’s just that when you start to feel better, and look better in your clothes the temptation to go just a tiny bit overboard – pardon the pun – is so hard to resist, you know?

I even repeated to myself several times just because you’ve bought them doesn’t mean you have to take all of them…as I carried on folding them and putting them in my case. All of them. I latched firmly onto the excuse that I don’t know what the weather’s going to be like in Norway so I need to take a bit of everything. I thought that sounded rather plausible, so I’m sticking to it, and I’ll roll it out whenever someone risks a hernia from lifting my suitcase. And I’ve got a few spare things for emergencies, you know like if the ship breaks down and we’re there for six weeks instead of one.

Other items which are still in a holding pattern waiting for their allocated spot in the case include hair straighteners, make-up, jewellery…all those things were conspicuous by their absence last year. I remember sitting on the bed in our cabin with freshly washed but un-styled hair, and not a scrap of make-up on my face waiting for my friend to finish getting ready.

I didn’t see the point of making an effort beyond pulling on my trusty black palazzo pants and yet another shapeless top. The phrase you can cover a turd in glitter but it’s still a turd ran through my head constantly on a loop, and when you know that no matter how much slap you put on you’re still going to look and feel like crap it’s so easy to give up and just not bother. So I didn’t.

Not this year. There’s more bling in my suitcase than you could shake a big stick at. Every outfit has an accessory. I’m not exaggerating folks, in fact it looks like I’m dressing a party of ten but you know what, knickers to it…I’m having fun. It doesn’t matter than one sniff of salty sea air will send my hair into a birds nest as soon as I step out of the cabin…I’ll look like I made an effort, even if it lasts all of ten minutes. And I’ll feel good, which I’m still trying to wrap my head around.

So, I’ve got my false lashes on, I’m manicured and pedicured to within an inch of my life, and I’ve even waxed my legs…I know, right? I couldn’t even reach them last year. I’m just about packed, excited, and we’re leaving at the crack of sparrows to pick up our ship around lunchtime tomorrow.

I’m going to take the next week as it comes. I promise pictures through the Facebook page, and if I get chance in between hiking up waterfalls and mooching through pretty little towns and working up a sweat in the gym to earn my fine dining tokens, I may even fit in the odd post…I’ll play it by ear.

Lots of love to you all…giddy giddy giddy!!!  🙂

 

Like it..? Tell your friends!