Tag Archives: greedy

Living On Dust

It’s all very well you know, this new way of spending my food budget but I’ve got to be honest, the days where there are no weekly points on offer are a bit bleak. I went to bed last night feeling like I hadn’t eaten for a week. Seriously, I could’ve gnawed my own arm off.

And it’s a bit of a double whammy, right? The way weight watchers allocates your points budget largely depends on what you weigh, so as you work your way down the scale, they knock the odd point off here or there. I get thirty three points to spend every day now I’ve lost a bunch of weight, but when I started it was well into the forties. And I’m here to tell you, thirty three points goes nowhere. And yet, I guarantee that there’ll be folk in the posse who are much nearer Skinny Town than I am whose eyes are out on stalks at the prospect of thirty three, because they’ll be on like twelve.

It’s weird isn’t it, it’s the only system I’ve ever know that rewards success by taking shit away. I suppose they have to, but given that I’m only halfway to Skinny Town I reckon by the time I get there I’m going to living on dust.

Having lived life as a grown-up without food boundaries for the last thirty odd years, getting my head around what a normal portion of food looks like continues to be a struggle for me every single day. Take yesterday for example. I bought a boxed salad for lunch, with ham, but I had to push it and buy a cooked chicken breast off the deli too, just to bulk it out a bit. Because, you know, a ham salad wouldn’t have been enough on it’s own. Of course it would, for a normal person. But to me it seemed stingy.

And when I cook dinner, I eat a mountain of vegetables. Which happen to be free of points, so that’s all well and good however I don’t suppose that whoever wrote the algorithm for deciding how many points are in stuff imagined for a second that anyone would ever sit down and eat a double head of broccoli and a full bag of sprouts alongside the main event when they decided to make all vegetables points-free. I can do that. Easily.

I’d probably do well to remember that although there are foods which are free of points, they’re not free of calories. And no matter how effective the points system is, if you take in more calories than you burn off, you’re knackered. Scoffing a full punnet of strawberries or a whole melon isn’t necessarily working to the spirit of what the points-free element of my food plan is all about, right? It’s taking the piss a bit, if I look myself in the eye and have a come to Jesus conversation.

I’m chasing a two pound loss this week, off the back of a sedentary week which nudged me a cock-hair in the wrong direction. So I can’t afford to take the piss.

Best stop then, dammit 🙂

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Why Can’t I Stop at One?

cakes

I can’t believe I’ve just spent 5 minutes searching for a nice colourful picture of some cupcakes on line, and my mouth is actually watering! That’s ridiculous but then I guess that’s what 6 weeks on a diet will do for you eh?!

So I’ve already talked a bit this week about my issue with portion control and not having a working full-filter. It goes beyond that though. Something in me hesitates to label myself as greedy because that word has so many negative connotations, in fact I can’t think of a single context in which it could be used positively. But lets imagine I was hauled in front of a judge who had to make a ruling on that very issue. I put it to you M’lud that this woman, (points at me) is greedy. I think I’d be on dodgy ground. “Having an excessive desire or appetite for food” is one definition of the word and shit, look already my defense is crumbling, I mean how can I argue with that? I do have an excessive desire for food, I can’t lie.

Now, whether it’s as a fat girl or a skinny girl, if you put that plate of cakes in front of me, I’m not stopping at one. One of my colleagues has just come back from holiday this week, and she brought cupcakes in for the team. How lovely. But seriously, you should have seen the size of these things…they were cupcakes the size of thimbles. Now obviously I passed, because I’m in a good place at the moment, both feet still planted firmly in the sweet spot and my face is a cake-free zone. But I’m here to tell you even I felt cheated and I wasn’t even having one.

I watched in fascination as one of my friends at work picked one out of the box carefully and popped it in her mouth, made all the right noises…apparently it was ‘melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous’ (kill me now) and then carried on with her work. Like that whole rest of the box of tiny cakes wasn’t still there in all their delicate melt-in-the-mouth gorgeousness, right next to her desk. I mean that’s not normal, right? It was tiny. And she just ate one. And then moved on and forgot about the box. Wtf..? WHO DOES THAT!!

Me, in the 3 milliseconds it took me to inhale the lemon one, I’d have been planning which one I was going for next. Wondering whether the colour of the frosting made a difference to the taste. If for some reason I wasn’t able to take a second one but there were cupcakes left in the box, they would have tortured me for as long as they remained in my eye line. Now, is that greedy, or is it something else? Greedy feels like a dirty word somehow, but is that what I am?

I don’t think so…but I’m…something. And I think it’s a question I need to answer before I can be confident that I’ve really got this down, you know?

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