Tag Archives: compliment

Let’s Never Speak Of Them Again

In the here & now, ,

There’s something about new clothes that makes you feel epic, don’t you think? I wore a new shirt for work yesterday, one of the ones that’s been hanging in my wardrobe for a while which hasn’t just quite fitted me. Until now all of a sudden it does. I bloody love that feeling. I got a compliment from two different people at work, and when I walked in the kitchen back home at teatime my boy looked up from what he was doing and said blimey, you look skinny today…I bloody love that feeling too.

It’s been a while you know…at one point towards the middle of last year, folk started to notice that I’d lost weight and were fairly generous with their compliments, but when I started going back up the scale again those same folk were gracious enough to keep their gobs shut. Well, most people do, don’t they? I can think of one notable exception in my circle of friends who thinks nothing of fat shaming where someone’s gained a little weight but she’s never been brave enough to call me on it. Just FYI I’ve got three dozen one-liners lined up ready in case she ever does, and trust me when I say whichever one I pick will be delivered with relish, possibly accompanied by a smack in the chops.

I can’t really pinpoint the moment where I started to care again, about what I looked like. When I was way north of three hundred pounds there didn’t seem much point in spending too much time in front of the mirror because no good ever came of it, you know? All it did was open the door for the Asshole voice in my head to wheel out one put-down after another, to the point where some days it was hard to lift my head.

I only had a handful of clothes, all of which I’d bought because they fitted me and not because I liked them. A few tops that I’d kidded myself made me look a bit smaller than I was. That’s the difference you know when you’re locked in battle with a fat body…you don’t decide what to wear because the colour suits you, or because something’s on-trend. You pick anything that you think makes you look smaller. In my head it was sole criteria, the only thing that mattered. I’d like to point out to anyone who actually knew me back then, that most of those hideous garments were not worn by choice and let’s agree never to speak of them again.

It’s different now I’ve evicted poundage from my pants. To be fair, there’s a lot more choice and I’m choosing things that I like. And that’s why it’s so lovely when people take the time to pay me a compliment…it’s nice to be noticed for the right reasons and it definitely spurs me on.

I have a little jar you know, where I store my compliments. I scribble them down on a scrap of paper and put them in my jar, and if I’m having a day where it feels like this fucking diet will never end and I’ll never reach my goal, I tip them all out and take a moment to bask in the sunshine, and it never fails to lift my mood. My jar has been gathering dust for a few months but it saw a bit of action yesterday, and it did me a power of good 🙂

 

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I Could Have, If I’d Wanted To…

In the here & now, , ,

clothingrackSo yesterday was a better day for me, on a number of fronts. Firstly, work was a little less manic. I had time to breathe, which is always nice. In fact more than that, I even had time to get out at lunchtime, and that hardly ever happens. A couple of the guys in the office were going up to a big retail outlet near to where we work, and I took my head out of my bum for an hour and tagged along for good measure.

After a quick mooch around we went into Marks and Sparks so they could grab lunch from the food hall. Me, I’d taken lunch to work and already eaten it – hey I was hungry, once the little hand is heading for twelve, it’s fair game, right? So I waited for them in the clothes section, and had a poke about, as you do. There were one or two really nice things that caught my eye, and I damn near fainted when I realised they had them in my size!

I mean, before we all get too giddy I’m still in size sumo, but I was in a shop that wasn’t a fat girl shop, and they had really nice stuff on their rails to fit me. As realisation dawned, I just kind of stood there, grinning like the village idiot, looking at this beautiful turquoise linen shirt and trying to figure out how many years it’s been since I walked into something other than a fat-girl shop and walked out with something new. I wish I’d bought it. Except it’s not quite payday so I didn’t, but the point is I could have, if I’d wanted to.

What I wanted to do was fist-pump the air, and run around the ground floor of Marks and Sparks waving the turquoise linen above my head singing I’m too sexy for this shirt at the top of my voice.

I didn’t have to admire the jewellery, or pretend I was interested in the bag section, or the cosmetics, whilst normal people browsed the clothes. I could browse the clothes without fear of being laughed out of town because I’m a skinny-girl-in-training, and I’m officially in the club, you know? That club where members can wear what they like, instead of what fits.

I was still riding the wave of euphoria later in the afternoon (and wishing I’d bought the damned shirt) when bugger me, a colleague walked into our office and said MY GOD! Look at you, you’re wasting away!! I mean, I’m clearly not…I stand five feet five and a half inches tall in my socks and I weigh nearly nineteen stone so I’m hardly teetering on the verge of malnutrition, but still. It’s the biggest buzz ever when people notice I’m losing weight, and are kind enough to comment. It all helps to spur you on, right?

So, all in all, yesterday ranks number one day in my week so far, and you know what, days like this are going to keep on coming 🙂

 

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Have You Changed Your Hair?

Diet update, ,

jar

Sunday again! I can’t believe another week has gone by so quickly, time feels like it’s whizzing past my ears ’till I’m dizzy. Maybe it’s because I hit my big birthday last month and it’s all downhill from here..? Having said that, you’ll often find me wishing time away…on Mondays especially I wish it were Friday, and I increasingly find myself thinking about this time next year – we’ll be in Skinny Town by then, right?

I get the fact that there’s a lot of todays to get through before then, and given that this week feels like the start of a new regime, I need to really make it count. I promise I’m going to stop banging on about this change of diet, I don’t want any of our posse to feel the need to peel off and take a left turn to Snoozeville. But given that this week has all been a bit dramatic, it’s probably a good time to take stock and reflect on exactly where I’m at.

I checked in with the bitch in the bathroom this morning, and it seems I’m on course…I mean don’t get me wrong I’d be much happier if the number was going down as quickly as time seems to be passing, but the important thing is that the number is going down. This month, by about 7lbs and I’ll happily take that, thank you 🙂 Lets wait and see how the new plan pans out in comparison.

I did have a FFS moment last night when I realised my favourite chocolate dipped freeze dried raspberries had doubled in points under the new rules but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll just have to suck them for twice as long. I did hold the record in school for making a fruit pastille last the longest so I’m up for the challenge…I’ve got form.

There was a moment, mid week that I’ve looked back on a couple of times with quiet satisfaction, you know one of ‘those’ moments that makes all the willpower worthwhile? I’ve been dying to tell you because I know you’ll all get it you know? A colleague who I only see maybe once a month or so swung by the office and perched on the side of my desk to pick my brains about something, and he kind of studied me for a minute and then said are you wearing contact lenses..?

I replied that yes I was, but I always had so why did he ask, and he proceeded to run through a list…had I done something different with my hair? Changed my make-up? I looked different to him, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was, exactly. I felt this huge big bubble of happy well up inside me, because even though I didn’t enlighten him, I knew exactly what it was…my face is thinner.

I mean don’t get me wrong…the change is subtle, but it’s there. So I had a little inner high-five with myself and basked for a moment in just how great that made me feel. I’ve earned it! I’m going to make myself a little compliments jar, and every time someone notices a little change, or pays me a compliment, I’m going to write it down on a little square of paper and put it in my jar. And on days where the asshole in my mind is chewing at my ear about one thing or another, I can tip them all out and remind myself how awesome it feels to be on the front foot as we march our way to Skinny Town.

So, new week, new diet, new challenge…lets get at it. Have a great week everyone, and thanks for your amazing support as always 🙂

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