Category Archives: Freeform thoughts

See It, Achieve It

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, , ,

medal

So I was lucky enough to have dinner last week with Sir Chris Hoy…*screws face up* okay okay you got me, I was lucky enough to attend a dinner last week where Sir Chris Hoy was the after dinner speaker – he was awesome. And rather more dishy than I’d expected if I’m honest – he’s already made my friend’s top 5 ‘list’ (you know, that list…) but I think he might just have upset the apple cart a bit on mine too, by knocking old Kevin Costner into 6th place. That’s a debate for another time, but anyway as MAMILs go he was, you know, up there. Buns of steel allegedly.

He was talking about his career as Britain’s most successful Olympian of all time with 6 gold medals and one silver under his belt. More particularly he was talking about the dedication to training and what it was that enabled him to push through the pain of everything he had to put his body through on a daily basis for years on end.  It was really emotional actually when they played the video montage of him winning all his medals. And I couldn’t help thinking as I sat there listening to him that whilst we might belong to the same human race, he and I are about as far apart as members of that human race as it’s possible to get.

He was up there, glowing with vitality, a supreme athlete talking about how he’d pushed his body to the extremes of what it’s possible for the human body to endure, in pursuit of a dream, which he achieved. And then he dreamed even bigger, and achieved again. As I sat there, buried under the best part of 300lbs of fatness, puffy feet stuffed inside strappy shoes which were digging in like mad, with back ache from doing nothing more exerting than standing on my feet a lot during the day, I felt so sad – and a little bit ashamed – that in my own way I’ve also pushed my body to the extreme. Not in pursuit of excellence, but simply because I’ve never gotten a hold of this broken relationship I have with food and put it to bed once and for all. But that’s why we’re here isn’t it? Me and the rest of our posse.

As it turns out, he and I have more in common than I thought. He’s a visualiser…his whole approach to training was based on him seeing himself race a perfect race. By focusing on that, he was able to tolerate the punishing train – hurt – repeat schedule day after day after day. And it was never the result which drove him – it was purely seeing himself racing the perfect race.

He made me smile when he talked about negotiating with his legs, telling them that this time round the track would be their last so they needed to give it their all. Then when they did, saying there’s just one more, but this time is the last time…ten times a session (his legs must be a bit gullible that’s all I can say…fool me once and all that!)

I’m a visualiser too. I don’t know if you read the ‘Heifer in the Helicopter‘ post a few weeks ago – I’ve been visualising the bloody bells and alarms going off every time the asshole in my mind rattles his chains, and it’s effective. It’s definitely kept me away from the hobnobs.  But, Sir Chris Hoy has further inspired me, and being the magpie that I am I’m going to pinch all of these different things that work for other people until I find the things that work best for me. I’m going to force my body into compliance by lying outrageously that the hobnobs are coming if it will just stick to the diet for one more day, and I’m going to keep on visualising.

I’m visualising running the perfect race from fat to skinny. Not focusing on the finish line but focusing instead on executing it perfectly. Sticking to my food plan, counting my points, ignoring the asshole, being the best I can be. And getting skinny..? That’s my Olympic gold right there.

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Reflections on the Week

Diet update, Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, ,

weekI love Sunday mornings…it’s usually the day where I don’t need to wake to an alarm. Charlie the dog sleeps in my bedroom and he knows that when I’m awake and no alarm has sounded he’s in with the chance of a cuddle. Lately we’ve taken to reading the Sunday papers together on line with his little cold nose pressed into the crook of my arm, as well as the Skinny Girl messages that have come in overnight, since I usually post right before I go to sleep.

It’s been quite a week. My first week following the weight watchers food plan instead of a low-carb regime. It’s gone well – went a bit mad the first couple of days eating fruit which is a huge no-no on a carb free diet, and it’s fair to say that my insides reacted to this change of diet in fairly predictable fashion. Who knew a fat lass could move so fast eh?  Ussain Bolt might have felt a bit intimidated if he’d clocked my personal best somewhere around Tuesday as I sprinted to….ah ok, TMI, right?

Considering I had two days out at conference where the main hall was surrounded by food stalls, freebies, suppliers wanting to give away samples of goodies left right and centre, topped off by a gala dinner where I could only estimate points, I managed to ignore the asshole in my head and keep the faith. I had a brief encounter with the bastard in the bathroom this morning and I’m happy to report than another pound has melted away. Ten pounds would have been better but I’ll take a pound. I’m still in the game.

What else can I share…ah yes, I’ve done a little bit of development on the Skinny Girl website. I’ve tweaked the content on a few of the pages, and most exciting of all I’ve added a subscription facility – yey! This means that should you want a link sending to your inbox every time I make a new post, so you can read it hot off the press or get to the post with just one click, you can become a subscriber and that will happen as if by magic! You’ll see the little box underneath the top ten posts list, just to the right of where your eyes are now…I promise not to share your email address or bombard you with crap. Have a poke around, let me know what you think of the changes…any feedback welcome!

We’ve had visitors from 43 countries so far since the beginning of October – that’s pretty bloody awesome don’t you think?  And this week, somebody posted a comment on the Daily Mail website under an article about dieting where they gave a shout out to our blog…visitors went through the roof. You can imagine the excitement here at Skinny Towers, I was beside myself!

So for every single one of you who loves the blog and has shared posts and told people about it, thank you so much, I’m insanely in love with each and every one of you. As my support network grows, so does yours and I think what we’re building is really special.

Have a great week 🙂

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Big Hairy Audacious Goal

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, ,

bhag1

Don’t you think it’s funny how you find inspiration in the most unlikely places? I recently had to attend a workshop on business strategy, and whilst it was all quite interesting, one bit in particular really captured my imagination – I was introduced to the concept of the ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal’. Apparently the phrase has been kicking around in the business world for ages, and it’s all about creating a clear and compelling goal which serves as a focal point, no matter how unrealistic it might actually be – kind of a cheeky knacker statement of intent.

How I have existed in business up to now without crossing the path of a BHAG I don’t know, but now the cat’s out of the bag I’m all over it…I am busy working on my very own big hairy audacious skinny goal. To be fair, many of my goals over the years have been pretty bloody audacious, long before I discovered that someone had coined this phrase so whilst I can’t claim the idea as my own, I’m certainly going to say I’m a natural when it comes to shooting for the moon.

For example, I might say that my BHAG is to walk into Victoria Beckham’s boutique this time next year, only for the sales lady to shake her head sadly and apologise that all their dresses were too big for me. *Falls on the floor laughing* – well it’s definitely audacious, given that right now I’d more likely be wrestled to the floor by a gaggle of skinny string beans before I’d even crossed the threshold…God forbid that I actually make it inside and dare to be fat amongst the skinniness of it all.

How about this one then…I could say my BHAG is to stick to my food plan and point every single thing I eat and drink for the rest of my life. Hells teeth that’s a scary thought. That’s a more scary thought than the Victoria Beckham one to be honest, because it’s a BHAG that is completely within my gift.  I could actually do that one. Well, when I say I could do that one, I mean it’s do-able. I’ll have to park this one for a minute, I’m developing a nervous twitch. Lets go back to Victoria Beckham, it’s easier to be flippant when I’m talking about that one.

Can you imagine…I mean don’t get me wrong – I love Victoria Beckham, love her family, love her work ethic and I even like some of her clothes. But can you imagine the horror on her face if she had to design a dress to flatter a non-string beany kind of girl? I mean I fully intend to be skinny as well you know, but even when I am I’ll still have to tuck my belly into my big girl pants and disguise my bingo wings, my wrinkly knees and my turkey neck. Just the thought of all that fabric would drive her to go and have a lie down with a glass of extra strength coconut water.

Much as I hate to say it, and much as it scares me, I think my BHAG has to be number two. The one that scares me shitless. Would it stop this cycle of yo-yo madness that I’ve been on for at least the last thirty years..? Yes. It would. Am I likely to lose the will to live, get bored weighing and measuring and counting for the rest of my days..? Yes, I am. Till I scream. Do I have to face facts and realise that if I don’t plan for this, commit to it and JFDI I’m going to live out the rest of my days on that ever changing axis..? Yes.

Number two it is then.  Posse, meet my BHAG…

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Why Can’t I Stop at One?

Biggest struggles, Freeform thoughts, In the here & now,

cakes

I can’t believe I’ve just spent 5 minutes searching for a nice colourful picture of some cupcakes on line, and my mouth is actually watering! That’s ridiculous but then I guess that’s what 6 weeks on a diet will do for you eh?!

So I’ve already talked a bit this week about my issue with portion control and not having a working full-filter. It goes beyond that though. Something in me hesitates to label myself as greedy because that word has so many negative connotations, in fact I can’t think of a single context in which it could be used positively. But lets imagine I was hauled in front of a judge who had to make a ruling on that very issue. I put it to you M’lud that this woman, (points at me) is greedy. I think I’d be on dodgy ground. “Having an excessive desire or appetite for food” is one definition of the word and shit, look already my defense is crumbling, I mean how can I argue with that? I do have an excessive desire for food, I can’t lie.

Now, whether it’s as a fat girl or a skinny girl, if you put that plate of cakes in front of me, I’m not stopping at one. One of my colleagues has just come back from holiday this week, and she brought cupcakes in for the team. How lovely. But seriously, you should have seen the size of these things…they were cupcakes the size of thimbles. Now obviously I passed, because I’m in a good place at the moment, both feet still planted firmly in the sweet spot and my face is a cake-free zone. But I’m here to tell you even I felt cheated and I wasn’t even having one.

I watched in fascination as one of my friends at work picked one out of the box carefully and popped it in her mouth, made all the right noises…apparently it was ‘melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous’ (kill me now) and then carried on with her work. Like that whole rest of the box of tiny cakes wasn’t still there in all their delicate melt-in-the-mouth gorgeousness, right next to her desk. I mean that’s not normal, right? It was tiny. And she just ate one. And then moved on and forgot about the box. Wtf..? WHO DOES THAT!!

Me, in the 3 milliseconds it took me to inhale the lemon one, I’d have been planning which one I was going for next. Wondering whether the colour of the frosting made a difference to the taste. If for some reason I wasn’t able to take a second one but there were cupcakes left in the box, they would have tortured me for as long as they remained in my eye line. Now, is that greedy, or is it something else? Greedy feels like a dirty word somehow, but is that what I am?

I don’t think so…but I’m…something. And I think it’s a question I need to answer before I can be confident that I’ve really got this down, you know?

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Dude Was Working It!

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, , ,

hair

So, at the risk of sounding very unkind I have to tell you about a haircut I saw last night whilst I was out of town. Yes, I know, each to their own, live and let live, we’re all entitled to our own sense of style…I get that but you know that way where sometimes something tickles you to the point where every time you think about it you get the urge to grin? Well this did it for me.

The evening had not started well. It had been a long day, a very early start and I’d been on my feet all afternoon manning a stand at the conference, so I had an achy back, my feet were killing me and the last thing I felt like doing was hosting a table at the gala dinner. I should further set the scene by telling you that having walked the 300 yards from the hotel to the venue rather more quickly than I would normally, due to a light drizzle of rain and no umbrella, I arrived feeling out of breath, sweaty from the exertion and with damp hair which had kinked a little more with every step I took and which I knew within an hour would look like I’d somehow managed to have a really bad perm between the appetiser and the main course. The asshole in my head was having a ball, as you might expect.

So it’s fair to say as I stood holding my glass of champagne at the drinks reception I may have been smiling on the outside but on the inside I was a woman on the edge. And then I saw it. That haircut. And in spite of myself I started to feel better.

If I had to describe it to you (which clearly I do since you weren’t there) all I can liken it to is one of those little plastic lego men – they always had thick immobile plastic hair plonked on top of their little plastic heads, do you remember..? Well, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there was a little plastic stalk fixing this hair to the bloke. It was really thick and dark with a full but very short fringe, sideburns which weren’t made of face fur but actual hair which had been grown down the sides of his face in front of his ears, and the whole thing had been finished off with a kind of wind tunnel/superglue effect.

Thing is, it didn’t get that way by accident you know?  It must have taken a serious investment of time and a mountain of hair gel, and that young guy genuinely thought he looked like the mutt’s nuts. Which led me to thinking.  It’s not really about what you look like – it’s about the way you feel. That hair, no word of a lie, was ridiculous. But that dude was working it! And I kind of had a light-bulb moment…an epiphany if you will.

If you believe the asshole in your mind when he tells you that you look ridiculous, even if you don’t, you will feel ridiculous, you’ll believe everyone else thinks you look ridiculous, and your confidence will be shattered.  But you can totally get away with actually looking ridiculous if you feel like a million dollars on the inside. Imagine being blessed with an asshole in your mind who tells you good things like his obviously did…Dude, you look awesome! That hairstyle is a babe-magnet for sure…they’ll be falling at your feet tonight, go on my son, work it…

Of course when the young guy has a few more years under his belt and looks back on the photos from last night he’ll cringe and wonder what on earth possessed him, but in his head, last night, he was the MAN.

Can anyone tell me how I swap my asshole for one who says good things..?

 

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