Category Archives: Biggest struggles

Three-Way Tech Support

Biggest struggles, In the here & now, , ,

                                            notebook, and two persons on white background

So last night was traumatic. I am something of a muppet where technology is concerned and I have sweated over every page, widget and plug-in on my modest little website over the last 6 or so weeks. I’ve done it all myself, a labour of love and it feels all the more precious to me because it’s completely mine. But when I logged on last night to write a post, it didn’t work. I couldn’t get into the site at all, there was just huge error message on the screen.

So I waited for a bit, and it didn’t go away. Did all the usual stuff you know…pushed the same buttons again and again just a bit harder, thinking I might get different results…sound familiar?! Now bear in mind, my default setting when the shit hits the fan has always been to reach for cake. I could hear the asshole in my head yawning and having a good stretch as he woke up and started to take an interest.

So, I was worried on three fronts – firstly that my posse would wonder where I’d disappeared to…secondly that Crabby’s lovely readers would find me closed for business if they popped over to check out my blog after she’d very kindly lent her support by offering me a moment in the Cranky Fitness spotlight – and finally that I wouldn’t be able to post anything.

When I decided to blog my way to skinny, I promised myself that I’d be the best blogger I could possibly be. And that means posting consistently so that if I was lucky enough to pick up some company, you’d all know those words would be waiting for you at the point when you take time out of your day to check in and see what’s on my mind. Of course, being me I’ve taken that quite literally, and I even try and post at the same time every day (the asshole just chuntered something about OCD but I’m ignoring him).

I’m not going to lie, as it all started to go wrong I could feel that compulsion to eat – encouraged of course by the asshole who told me over and over “it’s an emergency so it’s ok,  just have a cup of tea and a couple of hobnobs…it won’t matter just this once .”  I ignored him. So he carried on. And on, and on.

I ended up having an on-line chat with a charming guy in India who did his best to help – not just some random bloke obviously, I mean someone from tech support for my web host. I narrowly avoided typing “SOD OFF ASSHOLE I’M NOT EATING HOBNOBS” in the conversation window because the asshole was pulling out all the stops, having recognised the amount of buttons on show for him to push whilst I was talking to the tech to the point where it was practically a three-way conversation.  Anyway, turns out the server was down and I just had to tough it out – so for anyone who wondered where I’d got to last night, I’m sorry yesterday’s post was late.

Of course now, without my stressy head on, and with the perspective of hindsight I can see I was acting like a total diva – shit happens woman, get over it. And it’s interesting how quickly the whole purpose I’m blogging got lost in the excitement of discovering that people seem to like my blog…I started it for me, as a way of being accountable, and it’s working. The rest, as they say, is gravy…note to self, don’t let go of that. I care about my blog, I care about my posse but most of all I can’t forget to care about me!

Anyway, I didn’t go near the biscuits in case you’re wondering, and the asshole has been licking his wounds today after I shoved him back in his box and slammed the lid shut. Once again, Me – 1, Asshole – 0.  And happily, normal service has resumed today 🙂

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Don’t Ask Me That!

Biggest struggles, In the here & now, , ,

XXXL

So, how was your day? Mine was going great guns right up until the moment that a male colleague from a different department to the one I work in sent me an email asking me what size shirt I wear. Way to put a crimp in my day huh?

I should explain – I mean it wasn’t done for sport, you know like ‘I can’t help noticing you’re the size of a moose and I was just wondering how many X’s you need ahead of the L hahahaha’…or worse, ‘I’m looking around for an awning on the side of my RV and I just wondered where you buy your clothes from’ – he did have a reason to ask. I have to go to a conference next month, and everyone there representing the company will need a branded shirt. But still, you can picture my face when the email dropped in I’m sure. It was one of those moments where time stopped dead in the face of mortification and I just sat and stared at my screen.

Of course the asshole was off and away from the starting block like Ussain chuffing Bolt, diving through that open window of opportunity with a selection of carefully chosen comments designed to hammer home the humiliation. “I bet the rest of his department are gathered round his screen waiting for your answer…they’ve probably got a sweepstake going!  They’ve probably dared him to come and ask you face to face so they could hide around the corner and watch you squirm!! He’s probably moaning about the fact that you’re going to blow his whole shirt budget on that one cavernous garment, hahahaha!!!”

As the flush of horror made it’s leisurely ascent from my toes to my ears, I thought about lying. What if, I say I’m a size large because that’s big ish but it’s only kind of the big end of average…I could try and stretch it..? I mean lots of people wear a size large don’t they, so that would make me nearly normal right? And if it’s not stretchy fabric, I could go find another shirt from a fat-lady-shop and cut the branded bit off, and stitch it onto the fat-lady-shirt and nobody need ever know how many X’s are really in front of the L…that might work..?

By this time, the asshole had gone into overdrive. “Hahahaha I bet the shirt making company will have to call him and make sure he’s put the right number of X’s on the form, that can’t be right can it?  She’s really THAT big..? Crikey how many pies did SHE eat?!!!”

I didn’t lie. I styled it out. “Hi, I’ll need a size 26 please, if they make them that big (!) regards, Dee”.

Get the joke in first to let him know I don’t give a crap that he asked. Even though I do. Let him know I’m ok with it, because he probably felt horrible having to ask (I mean he’s a bloke, you guys take your lives in your hands when you mention any woman’s size, right?) so make it obvious that your size isn’t embarrassing for you. Even though it is. Note to self: Make damn sure next year you’ll actually fit into size L which by that point might even be too big on your scrawny-assed body.

By the way, no cake was consumed during this pretty shitty day therefore the scores on the doors remain Me: 1 – Asshole: 0 🙂

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Stepping over the Gauntlet

Biggest struggles, In the here & now, , ,

Listen Vs. Ignore - Toggle Switch

So I might have mentioned that the asshole in my head has been biding his time just recently, hanging back a bit you know, to see how this writing malarkey was going to work out for me. Up until yesterday it must have been a clear week or so since he rattled his chains, but I knew it was too good to last…he jumped out and said BOO twice yesterday in a carefully thought out pincer movement. His first attempt was in the supermarket on my way home from work. He’s delivered a few killer blows there in the past when I’ve gone food shopping on an empty stomach – never a good idea.

I think he was just trying his luck to be honest and I didn’t cave, although to anyone who happened to be paying attention, it may have looked like I was actually having a row with a bag of cashew nuts in aisle four.  I’d like to think my lips don’t move when he goes into attack mode, although I’m generally too busy digging in for the fight to pay much attention to what my face is doing. Still, I’m teetering on the edge of the age where eccentricity is pretty much par for the course, so if anyone noticed they were too polite to stare.

The fun really started after tea when I logged into my blog, read and replied to a couple of messages and then settled down to write some words. I was basking in the glow of some lovely feedback from one of my close friends who knows I’m writing this – hardly anybody does – and I was feeling great, but for the very first time, no words came out.

Now, bear in mind I’m a fat girl who likes to write, not a writer who happens to be fat, so I was a bit stumped. I don’t have a strategy, or any kind of experience to draw on to overcome writer’s block. Someone told me when I started posting every day to prepare myself for times when every word would need to be pulled kicking and screaming from my head and to just accept that sometimes it would happen, but I was arrogant enough to believe it wouldn’t happen to me – I’m rarely stuck for words.

The longer I stared at my fingers, the emptier my head seemed to get. And then out of nowhere, BAM there he was, my very own asshole with his shiny new strategy – forget commenting on her appearance, that’s so yesterday…throw the gauntlet down, go in for the kill and just make her feel stupid.  Ruin her mood and she might go in search of cake…that’s what normally happens.

“Hahahahaha…the blog’s history, you’ve blown it!  It was rubbish anyway…don’t kid yourself anyone’s interested in it, those visitors you had, they probably just clicked on the wrong link. As IF anyone’s interested in what you have to say anyway – go and make a cup of tea and eat some cake, it’s all going to go wrong now so you might as well just get it over with – told you, you’re just not good enough…three weeks in and you’re washed up, how pathetic…on the skids before you’ve even got started. Empty head, empty head ha ha you suck at this”…and on, and on, and on.

Honestly?  I started to really doubt myself – I felt like crap. But all the lovely things my friend had said about the blog earlier in the evening somehow cut through all his bullshit, and I managed to ignore him. And I continued ignoring him until he got bored and crawled back into his corner. So the scores on yesterday’s doors, Me: 2 – Asshole: 0.

I still couldn’t find any words, and I’ve gotta be honest that did freak me out a bit…fortunately I’d got a couple of posts in reserve so I was able to use one of them, and I’m very relieved to report that today the words seem to have got un-stuck again.  As for the asshole…it feels like I’m really starting to get the upper hand.  One day at a time  🙂

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