All posts by Dee

A Tank Full Of Ooomph

In the here & now, , , ,

joy

Yesterday was a brilliant day. You know how every so often you just get one of those days where everything hangs together perfectly, and you feel chock full to the brim with wellbeing? I woke up feeling refreshed – my friend and I had spent three hours getting wrinkly in the hot tub the night before, catching up with each others’ news on what was a gorgeous cold clear night – perfect hot tub weather. So I was relaxed when I went to bed, and I slept like a log.

I did worry, as I walked the green mile towards the bitch in the bathroom yesterday morning that I might be a bit waterlogged from the night before and therefore weighing heavy – yes I know it’s a ridiculous thought but by now you ought to know the kind of places my head tries to take me to. Anyway, I worried for nothing, and once I’d moved the scale to the third tile on the right, next to the bath (her most compliant spot) and kind of tested the water with just one eye open, I jumped on and off happily three more times just to keep reading the number 🙂

As I walked Charlie dog later in the morning, I decided not to wear a coat. The sun was shining, I was just in shirtsleeves, and there was nothing covering my backside. I mean, don’t take that literally…pants, obviously…but there was no jacket shielding the world from the rear view of my arse end as it wobbled its way up the hill, looking for all the world I’m sure like puppies fighting in a sack. And what’s more, I didn’t even give it a thought. That, my friends, is progress.

I couldn’t help feeling just a tiny bit excited, as I got to the top of the mile-long hill on our walk with breath in my lungs to spare, at the thought that this year I might not be facing another miserable summer like the last few. I haven’t graduated from black pants yet, which have been my wardrobe staple for the last five years at least, even on the hottest of summer days. But this year I just might, you know?

I can’t wait to feel cool and together on a warm day instead of sweating like a stuck pig, with chafing thighs and swollen feet whilst everyone else sashays around enjoying the feeling of the sun and a light breeze on their skin. And I know it’s going to be next summer before I get the full benefit of a skinny body, but I’m already more than fifty pounds down on last year…in a couple more months I hope to be touching seventy. I’m one third of the way through my journey and by the time we hit holidays in August I’m hoping to be way past the halfway point.

I still have to keep pinching myself, you know? I’m actually doing this! Cue massive cheesy grin!

I don’t know whether it’s the affirmation that I’m back on track, or the lovely spring-like weather over the weekend but something has filled my tank with oomph, and I feel full of the joys of spring. Full of hope…yes, that’s the word. Hope.

I’m still trying it on for size but early indications are that it’s a bloody awesome feeling 🙂

 

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So Long…Farewell…Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye!

Diet update, ,

bye

Please feel free to sing along, you know the tune! AT LAST I’ve kicked that unwelcome addition to the party going on in my pants out of town, along with one of his mates. Result! Two pounds gone forever and I’m back in the game 🙂

Not that I left the game really, not even a little bit. Which…well, let’s put it this way, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times in the past an unexpected gain or a plateau that lasted more than ten minutes resulted in me thinking fuck it this isn’t working so what’s the point.

So that in itself feels like a big step forward for me, you know? I came up against it and I didn’t throw the towel in, or let the asshole scatter those seeds of doubt to the four corners of my head which, in the past have usually taken root and turned into a big fat I’m useless train of thought. Sure, I ranted and raved, then when I’d got over myself I took a closer look at everything I was doing. When I realised I could do it better I started trying harder, and look what happened…the moment passed, and I’m back on track.

So, I’ve set myself a challenge, right? I want three pounds off this week. I’ve got some ground to make up, and instead of beating myself up for having stalled and set my schedule back, I’m not going anywhere near those negative thoughts. Instead, I’m putting on a burst of speed. That’s different.

It’s going to be an extra challenge because I’m away with work overnight on Monday, and I’ll be home really late on Tuesday having spent the day at a conference where I’ll have no control over the catering, but you know what? Bring it on. Looking for reasons I can’t do something instead of finding a way that I can is how I ended up in this mess in the first place, and those days are history.

Going at this in a supercharged way all the time isn’t sustainable given that I’m in it for the long game and probably a whole year away from my goal weight. But if interval training can work in exercise, as in jog-jog-jog-sprint-jog, then I reckon it might just work where my food plan is concerned too. What do you think? I’m going to use my daily food budget, but any additional points I earn from exercise this week, together with my extra weekly points allowance can stay right there on the shelf.

So, who’s up for it? Come on, let’s do it together and chuck some posse power behind it…maybe we can all check-in next weekend and see what we’ve pulled out of the bag.

You know, it’s pretty amazing how your spirits can be lifted by seeing the result you’re hoping for. Today I feel on top of the world, like nothing can get in the way of me, and my goals.

So you know what? Nothing will 🙂

 

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Getting My Priorities Right

In the here & now, , ,

time

One of the things I’m really good at is finding stuff that I like to do, and then liberally using the excuse that I’ve been too busy doing that stuff to get to the stuff that I really should do. I’ve never known anyone that can burn time in quite the same way I can, you know? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wasting time exactly…I’m just not making the most of it. And then I wonder why there’s never enough hours in the day to do the stuff I need to do.

I’m finding it really hard to strike a balance at the moment. I know myself well enough to realise that if I try and put myself on a timetable for my free time, it’ll get the third finger treatment before the ink’s even dry. I don’t like to live on the clock at the weekend, which feels like it should be my time to do what I want and just enjoy it. To be fair it’s the one thing me and the committee inside my head sort of agree on.

It’s a theme though, isn’t it? For those amongst you who know me best, you’ll have twigged some time ago that if something gets my attention, it gets all of it. But getting my attention in the first place might not be easy, and even when I’m across the line it might not last very long, depending on how much I enjoy/need whatever it is we’re talking about. And then there’s the question of whether enjoyment trumps need, in terms of allocation of time. In my book yes, every time. But that’s not necessarily a grown-up thought process, is it?

Let’s take this morning as an example. I woke up about 7.30am. I spent five minutes tickling Charlie-dog’s ears and then, determined to get up and at my day ended up back in bed where I spent the next 90 minutes immersed in my on-line life. Checked in to the blog and answered a few emails, did a bit of site maintenance and had a mooch though the blogosphere.

Once I made it downstairs, I went outside to see how the temperature was coming on in the hot tub, I’ve arranged a chilled out catch up with one of my best friends who’s coming over later so I filled it yesterday and it’s looking good. I got distracted just fannying around in the garden, and burned another half an hour.

I got distracted again in the kitchen, where I read a bit of the paper on-line before wandering back into the blog and kicking around some thoughts about blog posts I’d like to write, and in the meantime ten and eleven o’clock both came and went un-noticed…I was still in pyjamas at this point, and the dog was wearing a resigned look.

As I write this, somewhere along the way I’ve managed to get dressed and eat a late breakfast, but it’s now 1pm, and I’ve burned half a day, essentially doing nothing. I haven’t walked Charlie yet, I haven’t gone anywhere near the pile of stuff I’d planned to get on eBay this morning and as I drifted off to sleep last night I’d decided that was my absolute priority today. Yes, it’s the same pile of stuff I’ve been tripping over since my big wardrobe clear-out what, a month ago? Longer than that I think. They’re in my way, they’re driving me nuts, and yet I can guarantee they’ll still be there on Monday.

I guess where I’m going with this – for those of you who are still awake, and wondering – it’s like all those diets over the years that I meant to get around to starting, but just didn’t quite because something always came along and furnished me with an excuse to put it off for another week. The more I delve into the corners of my head, the more I come to realise that there are certain character traits which sort of underpin who I am, and recognising that explains a lot.

It’s a good thing, as it stands. I makes me less inclined to blame myself, and more likely to understand and be a bit less unforgiving, you know? It doesn’t mean I don’t need a good kick up the bum to get going – clearly I do – but lightening up on the blame lessens the guilt, and without guilt, recriminations lose the power to push you further into that bad place where feeling worthless is the order of the day.

Actually, I feel pretty good today. There’s a shiny new Weight Watchers week with my name on it just waiting to be opened in the morning, and tonight will be fun. Now I’m off to walk the furry one…it’s a beautiful day and it will be good to get moving. Better late than never, right?

Happy Saturday peeps 🙂

 

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Starting The Week Off Wrong

In the here & now, ,

crap

For those of you that have been following the blog for a while, you’ve probably started to get the measure of me, right? You’ll know that I’m a perfectionist whose buttons get well and truly pushed when something’s not exactly as I want it to be. And this week has got right up my nose. I think, because it started badly.

I felt wrong-footed, if you know what I mean. Normally, I unpack every shiny new Weight Watchers week with reverence, sort of take it out of the box on a Sunday morning after my encounter with the bitch in the bathroom and admire its shiny newness. I get excited about the way I might spend my points, in the way that we all feel just after payday when the coffers are replenished and we can stop flirting with the overdraft.

When I actually used to go to fat class instead of the on-line programme that I’m doing now, I was never one of the ones who sprinted out of the Weight Watchers meeting and headed directly to the chippy. There were plenty of folk who used to do that, they even had a look-out system going in case the leader drove past on her way home and saw them all inside. Like she didn’t know.

These were the same folk who queued up for a wee immediately before weigh-in to make sure they weren’t carrying a single ounce about their person that could be shed before standing on the scales. But when it came to their chippy tea immediately after class, well they had a whole week to get rid of the evidence you know?

Me, I sort of do it the other way around. I like knowing that I’ve got points in the bank so to speak. I can draw on them if I need to but I’ll eke them out as long as possible so I don’t ever feel cornered by the realisation that I can’t have whatever no matter how badly I want it because I’ve got nothing left to buy it with. It’s kind of damage limitation, because if I’m points poor, the cravings are ten times more powerful when they hit.

I’m exactly the same with money. I spend far more in week three or four of the month than I ever do in week one or two, so I don’t have the stress of worrying that I might run out…I like to get a couple of weeks in, see how the month’s shaping up you know? If the shit hasn’t hit the fan by week three I might indulge in a little retail therapy.

This week, my throw-caution-to-the-wind-because-the-bitch-upset-me-again decision to eat a family bag of Maltesers on day one of my shiny new week put a serious hole in the number of extra weekly points I’m allowed and I’ve had to dance around every other single tasty morsel this week giving extra care to how I spent my smart points.

Because I started the week off wrong by front-loading my food budget, it’s like my worst case scenario has played on a loop all week. I fancy a bit of that – how many points – really that many? – can’t afford it – can’t have it then – want it though – forget about it – REALLY want it now, AARGH! I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.

Still. Just because the week had a bad start doesn’t mean it has to have a bad finish, right? I’ve reached Friday night with one weekly point remaining in the bank, my daily points still nailed on and a shiny new week waiting for me on Sunday morning.

I have a friend coming over tomorrow night for a hot tub and a long-awaited catch-up, and I’ll need to steer clear of the prosecco, which is where my weekly points should have been spent…but I can’t spend them twice so I’ll just have to suck it up and learn another one of these thorny little lessons.

They all move us forward, right?

ps…we have a brand new guest post today courtesy of Autumn…she tells her story beautifully, and you can check it out HERE. I made a new page to host our Guest Spot archives too, it seems a shame to rub them out!

 

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But It’s FREE!!!

In the here & now, ,

melon drums

The irony isn’t lost on me, that as we speak I’m sitting in the corner of my kitchen talking to you lot about being on a diet and all the time my psyche is focusing less on what nuggets of wisdom will fall from these fair lips and fingertips this evening, and more on whether there are any naughty things to be had in any of the cupboards behind me. Concentrate!

My broken full-filter has come under scrutiny again this week. I hate to keep banging the same old drum but I’ve had to have a bit of a word with myself – it sort of came about because I bought the new phone. Indirectly, obviously but you know how my mind works. It’s a monster of a phone with a huge screen, which I can actually see…revolutionary, right? Even with reading glasses on, the old one had become a challenge so I really only used it for emergency Facebook stalking and phone calls you know?

This one is different. It’s been welded to my hand since I bought it, and I’m using it for everything. Need help wiping your bum? There’s an app for that! At least, I’m sure there would be if I looked. Anyway having a good look around the app store sort of led me to the Weight Watchers’ app which I’d never really used before, and it’s awesome.

Except my daily points seem to be adding up at warp speed, and it’s not afraid to point out a few home truths you know? Like I might just be eating a bit too much. And that’s my problem with the Weight Watchers diet. When they say you can eat as much of ‘these’ foods as you like, they have no points…well. That’s the law then. It doesn’t matter that my full-filter is broken, because it’s free food, right? Free. No points. I can eat as much as I like, LOOK…the book says I can. So I am.

Except it’s not really free is it? I mean it might be free of Weight Watcher’s smart points, but it’s not free of calories, is it? Or natural sugar. Let’s take honeydew melon as an example…I love that, it’s my favourite fruit. But just because it happens to be a free food on Weight Watchers doesn’t mean I have to eat a whole one. Every day.

It did occur to me on Sunday when I was doing the supermarket shop that seven melons felt a bit excessive, for two people. Especially when only one of them eats melon…uhuh.

When I was using the little battery powered calculator thingamabob I didn’t even enter free stuff into it, I mean what’s the point…there are no points in it so why would it matter. But now I’m tracking on the app I’ve realised how much I’m actually eating. Free stuff, you know but still…in industrial quantities it’s sort of against the spirit of the diet, dammit.

Which might be another reason why my weight-loss appears to have stalled. Yes, the pills and yes the widespread guesstimating of points values didn’t help, but whilst that’s all sorted now, I’m having a bit of an epiphany which seems to point to the fact that I appear to have swapped cheese balls for something else I can eat without boundaries.

Right now, the Asshole voice is screaming BUT IT’S FREE!!! IT’S FREE!!! DON’T STOP EATING IT’S FREE!!! like his pants are on fire. And granted, unlimited melon is better than unlimited hob-nobs. I doubt anyone ever got fat from eating too much melon.

But still.

 

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