If I were to try and define my dieting week in a few simple words, I would probably boil it down to two buffets, two working dinners, four lots of calorie carnage and a handful of steps in the wrong direction. But strangely, no recriminations. Well, not from me anyway. I wish I’d held the line but I didn’t. I tripped up, but now I’ve dusted myself off and hopefully my three-day dalliance with the fuck up fairy will be netted out by the days where I was able to look myself in the eye and know I’d turned in a textbook performance.
I did get a telling off though, from a lady who reads the blog who is frustrated at my lack of progress and is also holding me responsible for the fact that she’s eaten three big bowls of pasta this week.
It rattled me a bit, I’ve got to be honest. I mean, that’s my biggest fear, you know? I love the fact that you guys are walking every step along this path with me, and I draw so much strength from your company and your encouragement, and your wise words when the going gets tough. Equally, I feel honoured that you allow me to share your journey too. But I’ve always worried that I might be setting a bad example when I face-plant into the wrong kind of tasty and then tell you all about it.
I’ve always justified it in my own mind by telling myself that you all know I write the blog to keep myself accountable, and I’ve never pretended to have all the answers. To be fair, any one of you could probably hold this blog aloft as a shining example of how not to lose weight, because a lot of the time I’m very successful at not losing a fucking ounce.
I didn’t approve her comment, so you won’t see it in the thought threads…it had a tone to it that I didn’t much like, so I filed it in the shit tray. In any event I suspect you lot would have lynched her, and none of us need that kind of drama, right? These are friendly pages. But I think what she was trying to say was that the way I write things down makes her think that it’s okay to cheat on her diet too, because I seem to get away with it and I should take some responsibility and try harder so she can feel inspired and do better too.
She’s probably right.
My problem is, I’ve spent a lifetime not being honest with myself about the reason I’m fat. I’ve shied away from being accountable, and I’ve blamed the size of my arse on everyone and everything except my fucked-up relationship with food. Being honest this time, and hiding behind nothing at all is the only reason I’m still here.
So lady, I’m genuinely sorry if you’re not getting what you need in these pages. I suspect you’re in the wrong blog. Maybe you could try and find one with pictures of smooth-limbed skinny string beans sipping cucumber water who are itching to tell you all the reasons why they’re so fucking perfect.
I’m not there yet, and it might take a while 🙂
My two cents: I would keep reading your blog even if you never lost another pound because you seem like someone I would love to have for a friend. As for the triggered lady, guess she needs someone to blame for her own screw ups.
What a lovely message, thanks so much Paula, that pushed my happy button and after the weekend I’ve had I really needed it! x
xoxo prayers for your Mom
Thanks Paula ?
Don’t take to heart the idea that you’re responsible for other people’s successes and failures. That’s not fair, and it sets you up for failure. I know that when I shoulder the burden not just of my own success, but of “setting an example” I tend to choke. It’s too much pressure. You have to do it for yourself, so you can be successful for your own sake — not so you can give others success.
The woman who made that comment is accountable for her own choices, as you’re accountable for yours — and the comment that you’re “getting away with” missteps is unfair since you’ve noted a few times recently that you’ve been losing weight on average far slower than you wanted to be. It would be a fair criticism if you were doing something unhealthy and claiming attractive results which might lead others down an unhealthy path. But you’re presenting your truth, warts and all. There’s nothing to call out there.
It sounds like she was looking for someone to blame and you were an easy target, and if she wants to be successful in her own dieting attempts she needs to take accountability for the fact that nobody is putting food in her mouth but her. Certainly not you.
Ah Mary that’s such a wonderfully measured and gentle voice of reason. Thank you, I know you’re right 🙂
Just keep being yourself! If we wanted to read string-bean girls’ blogs, we would. But guess what? The most of us are out here reading and feeling your pain, celebrating your victories with you, and totally understanding the little slip-ups. Anyhoo, I love your honesty, and it’s onward! I would love to read a maintenance blog someday soon!
Not as much as I’d like to write one Della! My friend just laughed out loud and said Dee you’ve been writing a maintenance blog for the last twelve months! Cheeky mare has a point!! ?
I read this blog because you keep it real and relatable, and most of all you make me laugh out loud. Of course I feel bad when you are struggling too but that doesn’t make me struggle. We all have to take personal responsibility for what we put in our mouths end of story. I think food addiction is the hardest addiction to break simply because you must eat its not like quitting smoking or drinking you don’t need those things to live.
I can only speak for myself after a while you will know where the food traps are and you will CHOOSE to either avoid them or not.
Have a fabulous weekend Dee and we will see you back here on Monday!
Ah thanks Susan, you have a fabulous weekend too 🙂
Well, I’m sorry for the lady but I like reading your blog for many reasons. I guess she’s just not able to be accountable on her own. I read a lot of blogs and everyone has missteps now and then but I love that you never give up. Just do what you need to do and you will get where you want to be. Never give up!! ?
Thanks Nicole! I promise you I won’t give up and we’ll sashay into Skinny Town feeling fabulous one of these days 🙂
You cannot please everyone and you cannot be all things to all people.
Keep your mind on fighting your own battle, it’s the only way.
She has no one to blame but herself for her food indiscretions, just as i have no one to blame but me for mine, and the same for all of us. In the end, we are responsible for ourselves and no one else.
That’s very true Mimi. And the minute I start writing to please other people, my own voice disappears and it won’t be honest or authentic, so what would be the point, right? I feel a bit like a mean girl but her note was rude, and sometimes it’s okay to be a bit bristly and fight fire with fire!
We all have bad days (and weeks!) – I love this blog because it reflects my own actions, lets me know I’m not on my own, and pushes me to keep trying. But we all have to take responsibility for our own actions!
I couldn’t agree more Dot! And thanks for your support, I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog ?
Absolutely laughed loudly & startled the cats. You got busted by a Posse member happening by! – oh shit occu hazard! But seriously Dee, your stumbles only hurt, by making me realize how close lies the give-a-fuck abyss.
In September i went down maybe 3 lb. net: it comes, it goes – yay! I am on the road, I’m keeping myself somewhat focused on this 3-month side bet, you know? Love to ya! Fuck`ed soit qui mal y pense!
Hell yeah the side bet! I’ll keep that in mind the next time my mouth tries to network with cake ??
In case anyone was wondering – it was not me.
Food talk is triggering to some people. Food commercials. Cooking shows. Recipes in magazines. Blogs that talk about food. Pictures in magazines. TV shows where the characters are eating or cooking, all the time. Etc.
So she might enjoy your writing style and your humor but the food thing is sabotaging her. I think that is a fairly common thing.
So it might be that she needs food boundaries and does not realize it. That is a valuable thing to understand.
We had a priest at our church who talked about food all the time. I found it interesting. And a bit sad. And I wondered if someone made a bet with him, if he could actually stop it. Like could he go a week with no mention of food what so ever – ? It was sort of his thing. Like a comedian whose whole routine was his own obesity. He was in the 275-325b range. And he had WLS and lost all the excess. And moved parishes. So I know from pictures his weight is off, and staying off, but I do not see/hear him in person any more.
And I have wondered about him a lot. Like did he drop the whole food thing? Or did he switch his angle to talk about what he wished he could eat? Or what – ?
So yes, we would go to church and hear about donuts and pizza and desserts, constantly.
It was somewhere (Sunday mass) that should have been a food free zone and it was not.
Your blog is a weight loss blog. You are probably going to talk about food. And you are sort of in the midst of trying to figure it out. So it is a food struggles blog.
She probably needs to find maintenance blogs to read. People who have figured it out and got weight off and are maintaining. She will probably find them non triggering. There will not be much food talk. Or at least non triggering kinds of foods. And it might be the type of support that she needs. There are maintenance blogs out there now. And that can be really helpful.
(But they are probably not going to be funny.)
Of course it wasn’t you. And I can’t wait for the day I’m writing a maintenance blog! And we’ll still laugh together when I do 🙂