This week was always going to be a challenge. I travelled a couple of hours south on Monday afternoon to meet one of the teams I support for a working dinner and overnight stay followed by a full day’s training course. After a night in my own bed last night I’m away again today and overnight this evening for another working dinner, and this whole day will be catered in the same way yesterday was catered. A tasty hotel finger buffet with an un-specified take-your-best-guess calorie content.
So, fertile ground for head fuckery, right? Especially as I appear to have scored the biggest own goal ever by shouting from the rooftops on Monday that I’m cool with averaging half a pound a month weight-loss because it’s all tickety-boo and going in the right direction. Somehow, between then and now, my Asshole Voice has interpreted that as having a licence to mess about.
I started the week with fabulous intentions following a great weigh-in on Sunday. I got up at stupid o’clock on Monday morning so I could fit in my hour swimming before most people had eaten their cornflakes because I knew I was travelling later and didn’t want to miss my work-out. I ate a carefully planned breakfast and a carefully planned lunch, then drove down to a hotel in the Midlands to meet my colleagues for a carefully planned dinner…that’s where it all went a bit tits up.
I’d preserved enough calories for a decent dinner, having checked out the menu ahead of time on-line. I was enjoying a small pre-dinner glass of Merlot in the bar, when some bright spark suggested eating out instead of eating in the hotel, and the whole team jumped on it like it was the best idea ever. Shit. I hadn’t planned for that…oh well, panic not. I can adapt my plan. It’ll be fine.
We ended up in a restaurant with mainly burgers, pizza and pasta on the menu. I was the lone fat-girl in a sea of middle-aged men, and I was caught in that no-man’s land between despair and actual fucking excitement that genuinely I might have to say knickers to the diet because really, what choice did I have? I tried to be sensible and order a diet coke, which turned out to be diet Pepsi and I can’t stand Pepsi, so I opened my mouth to ask for a glass of water instead but it somehow came out as a large glass of red wine please.
I passed on the appetiser, but my colleagues ordered a bunch of sharing platters and before I knew it, two beer-battered cheese sticks and a loaded potato skin had joined the large glass of red wine in front of me.
I’d ordered the least calorie-loaded option that I could find on the menu – it was chicken, or at least I think there was chicken somewhere inside those deep-fried breadcrumbs loaded with ham and cheese and served with a side of fries. The thing is, after my third red wine of the evening it didn’t seem too terrible, you know? I mean I’d lost three and a half pounds last week, and we’ve already established that my average is half a pound a month so I’m seven times ahead of myself already…fuck it, on that basis I can relax a bit, right? So I’ll tell you what, let’s have all that and dessert too.
I woke up yesterday morning with indigestion and a heavy heart…I mean come on. So obviously I had a lean breakfast and stayed away from the lunch buffet…oh no that’s right I didn’t do either of those things. I ate bacon and eggs for breakfast followed at lunchtime by two mini cheese and onion pies, some divine onion bhajis and a plate of roasted vegetables which were slathered in oil, plus two cookies and a handful of wrapped sweets.
What is wrong with me? I wrote a fucking blog post on Monday bemoaning the fact that for every two steps forward I take one step backwards, and the ink’s not even dry on the page before I’m undoing all the good work of a three and a half pound weight loss by nose-diving straight into the first temptation I can find. I’m genuinely speechless.
I did make amends with myself when I got home last night and took myself off to the pool. I swam for an hour and chuntered to myself the whole time as I swam back and forth about what a dickhead I can be sometimes.
Today is a new day. But it’s another fully catered one with a big dinner this evening, and I’ll have no opportunity this time to out-swim my fork so I’m going to white-knuckle through on a wing and a prayer because I’m worth more than half a poxy pound.
Come on, focus 🙂
It’s part of human nature — the good we want to do, we don’t, the bad we don’t want to do, that’s what we end up doing. It takes a lot of trial and error for each of us to find what works. You aren’t alone, even St. Paul talked about it, so it’s nothing new.
Wise words Mimi ?
Fasting is the new paleo–but it doesn’t teach you how to succeed in maintenance (though I am sure it accelerates the trip to Skinnytown as all programs do when you stick to them) which is what you’re learning right now and which is the knowledge you need of you don’t wish to win all the battles, but lose the war. My other thought, Dee, is that you’ve come to an interesting bit of weight loss wisdom–seeing the pattern isn’t the same as changing it. Great job on the swimming! Xom
Thanks Margaret…I’m really loving the swimming, it’s taken me by surprise just how much!
What if you packed a cooler with planned out foods from home for when you’re away? While you’re in your catered meeting you could eat your own meals without being too obtrusive. I know it’s probably harder bringing something from outside into a restaurant, so you could either eat beforehand, while saving some calories for a salad or something light to occupy your time at the restaurant. Or just give yourself permission to eat out, but only one meal, while eating your own things the rest of the time. I know it’s easy to throw out these ideas, and much harder to execute them, but maybe you’d feel much more in control if you had your own food.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. This is hard stuff! No one can say they’ve never slipped up. You’re in this for the long haul.
I definitely am April. And yes that’s a good shout. My problem is when I have my finger on that self-destruct button is wanting to want to be good but not actually wanting to. If you know what I mean ?
Have you considered intermittent fasting? Specifically OMAD (one meal a day)? You could have had those 3 glasses of wine plus the fried food and NOT FELT GUILTY about it!
Doing this (OMAD), I’ve never felt less like I’m on a diet in my whole life. I never feel deprived because I know I can eat and drink whatever I want in my evening window (usually around 2-3 hours but longer on the weekends). I’ve actually stopped counting calories completely. All I worry about is the timing, clean fasting (no sweeteners, just black coffee, tea and water) and getting fairly healthy food when I do eat.
I’ve lost 25 lbs since the end of May. It’s not the fastest weight loss ever, but that time also includes a 2 week holiday where I didn’t gain a single pound (I did mostly OMAD while I was on holiday too I just had a longer window to allow for the booze and a few midnight snacks). Trust me when I say that I have NEVER not gained weight on holiday. In fact, if I’m losing weight before a holiday, you can guarantee that I will gain on holiday and once I get back the diet will be forgotten and I’ll start moving back up the scale.
I still need to lose 25 more pounds, but I’m 100% sure this time that I will make it to my goal and most importantly keep the weight off when I get there, and I can’t say that I’ve ever believed that before. I figure I will just stay on OMAD for the rest of my life. The freedom from feeling deprived is HUGE. I too spend a lot of time going out for work dinners etc. – this releases me from having to worry about studying the menu and picking the thing that fits into the meagre amount of calories I have left for the day. Plus, wine!
I’d recommend highly a book called Delay Don’t Deny, by Gin Stephens. It’s a really quick read and boils down a lot of the science. She recommends some other authors too. She also has a podcast with another woman called The Intermittent Fasting Podcast that is a fun listen. Gin also hosts a couple of FB support groups.
Just a (long-winded) thought because I want to tell everybody about this because it’s so freaking amazing and I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out years ago. It’s honestly changed my life. (Ok, stopping typing now!)
Wow Sarah that’s a thought and a half! Thanks for sharing and I’m happy that you’ve found something that works for you, it’s exciting when that happens. It’s an interesting idea and I’m not sure what my Asshole Voice would make of it but I’ll certainly look up the book and have a poke around. Thank you! 🙂
My Asshole Voice has pretty much shut the f up since I’ve been doing this. He knows I don’t eat before a certain time and he can’t say anything about my food choices when I do eat, because I can eat whatever I want… HA!