Three full days under my belt without going rogue, check. Get me. And you know it’s been okay, despite a couple of curve balls. Yesterday morning I took two shredded wheat and a banana to work for my breakfast, along with a drizzle of honey (I’m sorry but even hardcore dieting days require a drizzle of honey on shredded wheat, right? It tastes like a stale bird’s nest otherwise). It was all going really well until I doused the contents of my bowl in skimmed milk which, as it turned out, was 10 days out of date, and rancid.
I rest my case. Nobody likes the skinny stuff. We must get through five hundred litres of semi-skimmed milk on a daily basis in our office, and yet the skimmed milk had clearly been hanging around on the bottom shelf like Billy-no-mates since God was a lad.
Anyway, after I’d finished ranting about my spoiled breakfast – never have two shredded wheat been quite so publicly mourned – I resisted the temptation to dip instead into my stash of emergency porridge. On Sunday, I’d swapped out my food plan to the No Count version of weight watchers, and instant porridge isn’t on the list, so it stayed in the drawer whilst I ate a couple of plums instead. Without grumbling, which is always a good indication that I’ve dragged my sorry ass away from the ledge. The crisis has definitely passed.
Dont you think it’s harder though, to step away from the ledge when you’ve had a blow out blow out, as opposed to just a blow out? Despite the three solid days that I’ve got in the bag since I rebooted my attitude on Sunday, I still feel like I’m carrying more than just guilt about the four days I spent eating off-piste. I swear I can feel my arse following me as I walk. It’s like a bad spy movie, where I turn around quickly and nobody’s there but as soon as I start walking again I know I’ve picked up a tail.
It’s reflected on the scales too. To my horror, I had a cheeky mid-week step-on this morning and the needle had continued to go in the wrong direction. Like five pounds on wasn’t enough to prove the point that off-piste eating was a bad idea, the Shitbird scale messed with my head by suggesting another three of the fuckers had joined the party in my pants.
Now, at the time I was rushing around trying to get out of the house to catch an early train, so I didn’t have the luxury of following Shitbird protocol (which demands an immediate recount on every tile in the bathroom followed by best of fifteen on the most favourable spot) so it might not be accurate.
However. When you feel skinny, it’s easier to act skinny. When you feel fat on the other hand…well it’s harder somehow. Standing on the platform this morning with my skinny latte and my banana, the desire to throw my banana at the first skinny girl I saw and go get a bacon butty from one of the food carts was overwhelming. Happily, I resisted which is the reason I didn’t get arrested, and I made my train without incident.
But I’m still having a fat day, which stacks the odds in favour of broken thinking, right? I’ve got the wind behind me though and I’m feeling mardy, so bring it on, I say. I’m up for a fight ?
Wheat, bananas, honey, low-fat milk. All of that really kept me stuck in the weight gain cycle. Over and over again. For 40 years…
Once I was able to take out the food items that spiked my glucose high (2hrs post) then I had better food hunger and full signals AND I got leaner. Good luck and I hope you can find food choices that leave you feeling lean and strong, it’s very individual, your body will let you know. Karen P.
PS- I finally figured out that fruit of any kind kept my weight higher. In maintenance, I can do berries a few days a week, small amount. Took me forever to figure that out. But true for me. Can’t get the past back but I can use that tool now in maintenance. The fruit is “free” or 1-2 points for bananas at WW, it’s my own fault for not stepping back and looking at the cause and effect. Onward.
Thanks Karen that’s very interesting. I eat plenty of all the things you’ve mentioned, so that’s given me a lot to think about. Much appreciated ?
On Thursday morning I force myself to nudge Malevolent, the sadistic harpybitch SB Scale, out onto the most level point on the bathroom tile…. I only let my conscious brain handle that fucking uranium later, in a calm moment. Rendered as some form of graph, you know.
Here are some things Maleficent can’t do: tell me how this blouse fits amazing, now! Or, give me a happy little revelation riding a bike, feeling super comfortable. Or, show me a friend’s candid snap with a ‘normal’ size self in it, just blending in with a bunch of people. Or, assembling my on-plan meal, to specs & on time & comfortingly real. Having a laugh & a flash-bulb moment with BOTSG. Much much love
Oh Fleury you’re a wise wise old owl 🙂 All of those things matter far more than that square of wretchedness in my bathroom!
Good luck on simply filling! I found it to be super restrictive but I’ll probably do it a day here and there. Sounds like you need a little Dee time – sitting outside with a book or something. It’s almost the weekend maybe you can carve out some time to chill!
Wouldn’t that be nice! I’m busy stockpiling books on my Kindle for when I go on holiday (22 sleeps and counting 🙂 ) and yes I can’t wait to relax!
I’m going to go over there and throw your shitbird scale in the trash. If you have a good day with your food, followed by two consecutive good days AND a walk away from the ledge, celebrate! Don’t let the scale be your only determining factor in what makes success. In six weeks, I’ve lost exactly 0.9 lbs. But I am eating better, exercising more consistently, and drinking water. I’m NOT stressing about the scale. It’s a long haul, not a sprint. That scale. @!)%*!Q)
Hahahaha, can I watch?! You’re right of course!
Tracey gives me the wonderful image of that exotic-looking English neighborhood, with (there, just visible the half-open window &) a bathrm scale arcing thru the air v:)
Hahaha exotic 🙂 🙂 🙂 Fleury it’s nowhere near as exotic as Hawaii !
Keep fighting. Perhaps if you step back from “feeling fat” and look at the feeling and tell that feeling it’s not going to get any attention it would help. Feelings that get no attention die away.
That’s an interesting approach Mimi…might be worth a try 🙂