So here was I, coasting along under the rather cocky misapprehension that wrestling with the Asshole voice was a pastime well and truly relegated to days gone by. I mean, he’s been silent for so long that surely he must have relocated to someone else’s head, right? Sadly, no. Yesterday I was subjected to four hours of torture over a cheese and pickle sandwich.
I found myself in a catered meeting at work facing my old nemesis, the buffet. I knew it was coming, and I was cool with it, you know? I’ve spent the last 81 days being a rock star with my food choices so I strode confidently into the meeting room, and I even picked my seat before throwing a glance towards the lunch table. Let’s just say it hasn’t always happened in that order…in the past, whilst trying to give the impression that I’m holding back, I’ve been known to cover the area between door and lunch table at warp speed, knocking people over like skittles in my haste to fix a plate.
Yesterday it was a good buffet, I mean it was all seeded wholemeal bread with green stuff, and some wraps with chicken as well as a big bowl of crisps and some cakes. No sausage rolls or fries or wedges, just a handful of puff-pastry savouries…really, aside from the crisps and cake it was wholesome and healthy. And I made careful choices from the sandwiches, mentally calculating my weight-watcher points as I went. The crisps didn’t worry me, and I barely noticed the cakes. It’s all good, I remember sitting and thinking I’ve so got this…look at me, I’m cured!
Famous last words, right? After we’d finished eating, and there were just the dregs of the buffet table left, well that’s when the fun started. There were two cheese and pickle sandwiches on a tray that nobody had picked. Me, I’d gone for the ham salad ones, and a chicken wrap. I’d scrutinised and rejected the egg mayo and BLT and of course the cheese ones on the basis that they contained stuff from the naughty list and were too point-heavy. I was happy with my choice, right up until I clocked those two leftover cheese butties.
Go on…they won’t kill you. They’re tiny, probably not even an ounce of cheese between ’em… (as I looked at two wedges of cheese clearly cut with a generous hand)…you’ve been so good and besides you’re having chicken for tea and there’s hardly any points in that, so you can afford the cheese. You deserve cheese, you really do. It’s not cake, or crisps, is it? That would be a bad choice but you know cheese is good for your bones.
On, and on, and on, for four hours. The meeting finished at 4pm, and as I threw a glance back over my shoulder as I left the room and mentally waved farewell to those two cheese sandwiches which were looking a bit curled around the edges by that point, I still wanted them.
I probably could’ve spared the points but you know what, I recognise cheese as a trigger food. It wouldn’t have been the two cheese sandwiches which left collateral damage, it would’ve been the pack of Cathedral City strong cheddar that I might have picked up on the way home which just begged to be grilled until it was bubbly and golden and on my plate.
Truth is, I can’t allow myself to get the taste. If two curling sandwiches can torture me for four hours, then allowing it over the threshold is never going to end well is it? It was hard not to eat them but on reflection, by the skin of my teeth I escaped unscathed.
Guess I’m still a work in progress after all 🙂
I have been doing weight watchers, and my body gains every 2 or 3 weeks. Then I go down again the next week, farther down that I was before; and the “up” when it comes isn’t as high as the last “up”, but still. It is awfully demoralizing to be right on track and have it go up. Or not down as far as you’d like. One comment by a coach that I read on ww said, “if you aren’t happy with the size of that minus number, I could make it into a plus for you”. Perhaps that might take some of the sting out of this Sunday’s number. It is still a minus, at least. The other thing that helps me is to think of the alternative. I’m pretty sure a nice (?) binge won’t get me any closer to my goal. You are working the plan and I admire your perseverance. I’m cheering your success, over here!
Do you know what, your lovely encouraging note made a world of difference to my mood tonight, thank you so much and I really appreciate your support. It helps more than I can tell you knowing we all have the same issues!
** o ** you toast it bubbly..? hmmm, I could see that being a bear trap, omg. Dee, one of these iconic Brit sandwiches fought you (and lost) about a year ago.
1) Cheese, good cheeses, homey creations made with cheese – direct psychic link with childhood, your adult life, hospitality, and every time you restored your world to balance. 2) It is becoming a yardstick moment, right? This trigger is a known enemy – for the moment & then for a long night or week-end of irrational self-destruction – and we don’t waste a moment trying to reason with it.
-wait wait, I meant to say, this iconic Brit object was your protagonist a 100 or so posts ago, AND, you identified the aggravating circumstance, that they were still on the platter. Gradually “going to waste.” Maybe it’s useful to remember that you’ve kicked yourself before, for acting like a dispose-all. No shame, but hell, it’s a piece of our early brainwashing that came to feel shameful, right? Love you loa, F
You’re bob-on Fleury…free cheese is even more tempting especially when it might be otherwise thrown away…I mean WHO throws away cheese?!!
Oh my yes Fleury you’re right! Cheese has ambushed me before hasn’t it!
Thank you, Dee, I needed this today. xoMargaret
I’m glad we helped. We’re all in this together 🙂
Everyone who struggles with weight has trigger foods they have to avoid at all costs because a taste or a small portion turns into complete derailment. I am a take it or leave it with cheese, but… chocolate anything, particularly chocolate with peanut butter anything, ice cream, cake, raisins and home made granola with m&m’s, raisins and/of nuts all trigger my compulsive eating/ binge eating. I can’t have just one. And it doesnt have to be just one at the moment. It’s one now, another one in 1/2 hour, another one an hour later, and so on. I can’t stop.
Recognizing this particular weakness means you are winning. Yes, winning! It means you know your weakness, acknowledge it as such and embrace it. Yes, embracing it means you can say, “I really really want this, but I know what happens when I have it and I just can’t go there.” THAT is a win!!
Way to go, Dee!!!
Yes now I’ve got over myself I’m regarding it as a win! 🙂
Great job resisting the siren call of those cheese sandwiches.
Every one of us is a work in progress. Progress not perfection.
Have a great weekend my friend!
Thanks Susan, you too 🙂
We are all still works in progress, and each victory makes us stronger. Congratulations on winning this battle!
Thank you Mimi! 🙂