Forty days. Four zero. Forty.
That’s how long it is since I ate something that I shouldn’t…I have to keep pinching myself, you know? It’s a milestone I can’t quite get my head around, when you consider how much my arse was dragging in the last few months of last year. And I’ll tell you what else…I haven’t really found it hard.
I know, right? I don’t understand it either. It’s like the Asshole voice has fallen off a cliff, because he hasn’t rattled his chains in well over a month. And I’m convinced it’s down to the fact that I’m giving refined sugar a really wide berth. I haven’t gone completely sugar-free…I’m not quite ready to go the whole hog and cut it out of my diet altogether, but to be honest I’m pretty close.
For forty days I’ve eaten no processed foods at all. No chocolate. No crisps or snacks. And that means that as I’ve been watching TV in the evenings, my viewing experience has been completely binge-free. Just me, on my own and flying solo without any treats which lead to more treats which lead me directly to hell in a hand cart. I’ve eaten grapes, or melon or a handful of nuts, but nothing which comes in a crackly wrapper.
It’s a weird thing you know…I feel like I’ve been set free. Right now, in this moment and all the moments over the last forty days I haven’t had to fight with myself over every food decision. I haven’t eaten a treat within my food budget and then taken that same budget down to the wire by having one more, then one more, all the time furiously recalculating what I might be able to eat for the rest of the week so I can eat still one more in this moment.
Those mid-afternoon cravings in the office have gone. That’s traditionally where my day took a wobble – everything up to lunchtime would be measured and planned, but whatever I put into my mouth with my afternoon cuppa would pretty much dictate how the rest of the day went, you know? Skidding home in the evening with only a sparse food budget left then spending what was left of the day driving myself mad with thoughts of all the things I wanted but couldn’t have.
Sometimes I’d cave and have them anyway, paying my Weight Watchers points forward with promises that I’d have a lean day tomorrow. Sometimes I’d just think fuck it and blow the budget then spend the rest of the week feeling guilty about the fact that I had no control, and pissed off that I’d left myself no further snacking opportunities. Whichever way, there was no respite from the food thoughts playing on a loop in my head, constantly stirred by my Asshole voice.
Imagine living that way, all the time. It’s like being stalked by some malevolent food beast that you just can’t get away from. The liberation that comes from that all of a sudden not being there is hard to describe. I remember being bullied when I was quite young and feeling like it was never going to end. My meek and gentle mum found out and raised all kinds of hell at the school, and it stopped immediately. What I’m feeling now reminds me of how I felt then, when I realised I could walk through the playground without having to worry about who was hiding in wait for me around the next corner.
Now, all that said, I’m not perfect…I am eating mountains of vegetables, and my portion sizes aren’t getting smaller…I know I need to focus on that, but at the end of the day nobody ever got fat by eating too much broccoli, right? One step at a time.
I tell people ALL the time, “Sugar is enemy number one.” It is. It wrecks havoc on your diet, on your cravings, on your hunger. It sabotages every effort you are trying to make to move forward. Nuts. I swear by a handful of almonds or peanuts right at the mid-day hour when you are hungry but don’t want to binge. I have to do nuts over nut butter because I want to eat the entire jar of peanut butter if I grab a spoonful. But nuts help me. I get it that it’s unique for each person, but that’s what helps me. I’m so glad you are doing well! Whoo hoo!!!
You might not believe me (yet) but the day will come when the stuff in the crinkly wrappers will taste terrible and you won’t believe you were ever able to choke it down.
(Can you mark this post somehow, so when you reach that point and can’t believe you ever ate–much less liked that stuff–and I want to say “I told you so” I can find it easily, hmm? No? Just checking.)
Keep going, Dee! xoMargaret
Hahaha yes I’ll make sure we can look back on it and laugh 🙂
Really inspiring! I’m thinking of giving this a go myself. Nothing in a crackly wrapper sounds like a pretty good rule of thumb. Now that there are no peppermint Magnums left.
Mmmmmm…magnums 🙂 Good luck Em, the first few days felt strange but aside from the trace amounts of sugar in things like salad cream for example I’ve had none and I’m feeling strong!
Yes, again! oh gawd it is ‘my inner food bully,’ that expression is a keeper. Hey, the steady & comforting eating plus going a long while without flinching at shadows, has been making it so nice to be in the swing of my food plan. Maybe never gonna accept my living like a born skinny girl, but I want another pack of MONTHS breathing easy again.
Hey, here’s the distinction between hobnob handcart, & fitting a (entirely delicious and worthwhile) sweet into my day’s budget: you’re right about no longer having an afternoon assignation with a tyrant Snack Item. Have a sweet after your balanced, satisfying home-cooked dinner; the thing must be less of a frickin blood sugar bomb when it’s paired up with the protein/fats/fiber combo.
You’d think so wouldn’t you Fleury, and I’m sure you’re right…thing is, even on a full belly if I indulge the chocolate monster he just keeps coming back at me demanding more! I’m glad you’re having a good month 🙂
People laugh when i say sugar is my drug of choice, so i have to abstain, but think about it. It’s a white powder for a reason!
A very good point Mimi !
You know I think you got rid of your “inner food bully” by leaving the sugar, and processed food out of your eating. I always find if I eat just one of my favorite sugary thing then I want more, more, more its hard to stop once I start so better not to go there.
I think calories still matter at the end of the day but your right I never heard of anyone getting fat eating broccoli:)
Have a fabulous weekend my friend.
Thank you Susan, I hope you do too 🙂