Rediscovering The High

I drafted this post as I was laid in bed last night, reflecting on the day. I’m not going to lie, I was feeling very smug, having aced day twenty three of my new start. And yes, I know that smug is beyond irritating…I was even getting on my own nerves to be fair but there’s no other way to describe it really…I was smug. I can’t recall the last time I managed twenty three days on the bounce without sneaking in a single treat. Hell I earned smug, right?

It’s interesting to look back at the lifecycle of my diet. It’s gone through different stages over the last seventeen months and one week, which is exactly how long I’ve been on this journey. It’s already taken the crown for the longest diet I’ve ever been on, and it’s depressing to think that if I hadn’t pissballed around I could have been much further down the road than I am right now – let’s not forget that the pounds I’m losing at the moment have already been lost and then found again. Still, it is what it is.

Phase one was nailed on, feet planted firmly in the sweet spot and the thought of cheating on my diet would have filled me with horror. It was all about eating the right things in the right quantities, and slowly weaning myself off the armchair/TV combo. Phase two kicked in when I’d signed up for the Cuba trek and the hurt machine took up residence. The food plan still held firm and my weight-loss started to gather a bit of momentum…happy days.

Phase three was when I got a bit cocky. I’d upped the exercise but at the same time I upped my intake of food and carried on losing, just more slowly. In hindsight I was looking at it all wrong, you know? I sort of fell into the mindset that I was earning the right to eat more because I was working up a sweat and walking several times a week. Or, to put it another way, I was eating more and getting away with it. 

Phase four was when I met the God of Pain, and the exercise descended into torture on a regular basis. Cuba was getting nearer and I was working hard. And yet I was still eating my efforts…sure, there was a slow saunter down the scale but my losses weren’t especially impressive. Cuba came and went, and that’s when I bumped headlong into phase five, which by and large was a fucking disaster. My foot was completely off the gas, my food plan was peppered with binges, and reclaimed poundage moved back into my pants at warp speed.

So this is phase six, and I’ve come full circle. I’m back in the sweet spot and I feel unshakable…maybe because I’ve switched it up a notch. I mean, the diet hasn’t changed as such, I’m just spending my food budget more wisely and shopping like a grown-up. And let’s be honest,  the thought of having to take a picture of my conversation with the Shitbird Scale and show you if the needle has moved in the wrong direction is enough to bring me out in a cold sweat. It’s proving to be quite an effective appetite suppressant to be honest.

I’ve also rediscovered the high which comes with knowing I haven’t put a foot wrong. And I’m here to tell you that it hands down beats the high I get from a crinkly wrapper and a sugar hit. Any day of the week 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Rediscovering The High

  1. No no no… I dispute that “if I hadn’t [colorful word for dithered] around…”

    Submit this is one of the important differences between this looooong journey, and all previous trips to Skinny. It is also a Thing, right?

    Historically, I would have cheerfully sacrificed for a ticket on the Express, got it over with, and only then scurry around trying to marshall my thoughts, my self-image, my ingrained attitudes. It’s a blessing to spend time futzing around with missteps; “wing Man;” Fat-think, insecurity, identity crisis.

    1. Oh Fleury you’re a wise old bean…and utterly right of course. We’re learning stuff. And it’s right that we sacrifice speed in the interests of longevity…thanks for the gentle reminder 🙂

  2. The fact that you are saying “it is what it is” and continuing to move forward is fabulous! You didn’t let the difficult times dissuade you from continuing.

    C.S. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, talks about “the law of undulation.” We humans have a pattern that looks like a series of hills and valleys (or peaks and troughs) in every area of our lives. Because we experience time the way we do, we tend to believe the peaks will always last (i will always be as in love with this person as i am right now!), which they don’t. We tend to believe the valleys are forever (things will never change, this depression is for always!), and they are not.

    It helps me to remember that, in this realm of existence, nothing extremely great or extremely bad lasts long. Including cravings, which last about 15 minutes.

    1. Very wise words Mimi – you’ve referenced that book before and I really should get around to reading it one of these days!

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