Well, this is day four of my fledgling food sobriety, and days one two and three passed without drama. I’m doing okay. I ate more crumpets last night than I’d intended after my fat furnace workout – four, not two – and yes I know that’s a lot of crumpets but I stayed within points, and on both Sunday and Monday I left points unused on the table, so we’re all good.
See that picture? That used to be me. I reckon the Gods of Skinny are rooting for me…I suspect they realised that I needed a helpful nugget of resolve lobbing in my direction this week to help nail my colours to the skinny mast and keep them there, so this little gem appeared in my Facebook memories feed. It was nine years ago yesterday, at my work’s Christmas doo. I barely remember even looking like that, although to be fair I think I only fitted into that frock for about ten minutes which is probably why my memories are a bit hazy. It was fleeting, you know? A moment in time.
That night, well…I felt great. From March 2007 to November of the same year, I’d existed on protein shakes and soups. Not a single morsel of food had passed my lips, for eight months. I drank four litres of water every day and ate four meal replacements – I think I was on about six hundred calories daily and apart from the fact that my hair was falling out in clumps, I felt amazing.
That picture was taken on the first night out I’d had in my new skinny body, and far from being the reclusive anti-social old bat that I’ve morphed into these days, I never left the dance floor all night. It helped that everyone was full of compliments and I felt like a million dollars but the thing I remember most of all was feeling completely free, you know?
I didn’t worry once about whether my arse looked like blancmange inside my frock, or whether my bingo wings were on display. I checked myself out in the mirror before I left home and felt very happy with what I saw looking back at me, and then I got on with the business of having a ball.
It seemed like I’d found the holy grail of diets – I was able to completely break the habit of leaning on food as a crutch. I never once felt hungry and I lost steadily, around 15lbs every month. I never stuck, and I never gained…it was a poker-straight route from Mooseville to Skinny Town. The thing is, as soon as I started eating again and un-pressed pause on my fucked-up relationship with food, the weight all came back again at warp speed, and then some.
I’ve got to be honest, I’ve seriously considered whether I might try that again. Especially coming off the back of a really screwed up couple of months, where I’ve massively struggled to play with a straight bat. I just don’t think I could stomach any more of those chalky soups though, you know? I could hurl at the thought of going back there. But maybe if I make a deal with myself…behave, or else!!! Eat clean, or else 2017 is the year of soup that tastes of feet all the way until the moment you can zip up that frock. Sort of a suspended sentence, if you like.
I’ve completed day three of three. This is day four of four and I’m going for it again today. I’m going to eat well, and move a bit, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I intend to say goodnight to this day later with a smile on my face, knowing it’s another good day in the bag 🙂
It seems to me that if your hair was falling out, your body was trying to tell you that it wasn’t healthy even if the way you looked was more acceptable to you. You know? I mean, yes, you looked beautiful in the picture, but I’ve only known you a little while, and I can see that you are a truly beautiful person–inside and out.
On to the weight loss–congratulations on day 4!!! I think the hardest thing is to get back up once you’ve fallen. To not allow the shame to hold you down in the mud. And you’re doing great. You know from experience that the more days that pass between where you are and Ground Zero (I think of Ground Zero as the day you succumb to temptation), the easier it will be to say no to the foods that cling to you.
Keep your chin up 🙂
Thanks for you lovely comments Jamie, and yes it’s definitely more power to your elbow when you’ve got skin in the game 🙂
I went straight to “mosley blood sugar” diet… and ran smack into a post + replies from Nov. 29th, “My Epic, Relentless, Never-ending Battle – Maintenance!” Im still going back to that page, for more insight, hindsight, blindsight, flashes of recognition.
Much like what we talk about. Some folks had hit a goal weight, some say they are far from There. So many grappling with self image, momentum, will power, confidence, history, comfort & compulsion….
Re: Natalie’s s post, hey, you are better off maybe “changing it up” by adopting an eating plan that’s radically distinct from the WW points system (which has been a success, no question!) instead of resorting to the meal replacement swill. :] Not even for temporary, spot treatment, jumpstart purposes!
Protein & veg, according to taste, whim, whatever. it’s been my super easy “diet,” that I look at constantly for signs I might not maintain/sustain forever. LOL, our Primary Care doc told us this almost verbatim this week, & added that no-fat, low-fat dogma of the past is crap. (I coulda tol-ja dat.)
Hahaha yes where nutrition is concerned, a fat lass knows more than a doctor ever could!!
You can do it! Day 4 is in the books!
Two hours ’till bedtime Lori and the wheels are still on! Yey! 🙂
You can’t compare now to then its almost 10 years later. What works for weight loss when we are younger invariably doesn’t as we age. We all know it gets harder to lose weight with every year that passes. That is a lovely picture though.
I think the way you are going about losing the extra weight this time is healthier and you will be able to live with the foods you are eating now for the long term ie rest of your life. That is what it will come down to eating foods you like and will stick too most of the time and finding exercise that you enjoy doing. That is what it took to get my weight down and keep it there. Also I didn’t take my weight down particularly low in my range because I like being able to eat. I like the calorie range I live in now.
Glad you have a string of days under your belt. Go Dee!
Thanks Susan…I need to listen to you guys, the people in my posse who’ve lost the weight and kept it off are my heroes!
It would work again, temporarily, if you went back to that form of weight loss. My suggestion would be to use that as an occasional reset day when you know you are teetering on the edge, instead of going back to it full time.
Yes that’s a good idea Mimi 🙂
Dee, That’s the problem with fox all diets. They don’t teach you how to eat…how to have a somewhat normal relationship with food. While you looked amazing, you we’re still trapped by the food villain. I’ve been at or close to my goal weight for almost 18 months now and the secret is…. no big surprise…. keep doing what I did to get to my goal weight. Hang in there! Don’t give up,… better to stand still for a while than throw in the towel and go backwards.
I was totally trapped by the food villain Tracey, that’s spot on. And I won’t give up, not ever!
You look beautiful in that picture! But I also think you look beautiful now. You seem quite a lovely person! But it is nice when our outsides match with what we want to look like, isn’t it? I completely relate to your desire to go back to the soup and shakes and avoid the struggle with making food choices. Completely. Making food choices every day, every meal, sometimes every HOUR is just exhausting. Like the negotiations about exercise, right? The thing is, like you said in your post, that just pushes the pause button. As soon as you go back to eating regular food…..Those of us watching from the sidelines are always cheering when you write about making good food choices and staying within points, that’s where the magic happens. You can totally do it. You ARE doing it. Hang in there!
Aw thanks Sheri, what a lovely message to come home to! And I’m hanging in…day four almost over and it’s good, it’s holding 🙂 I keep thinking if I get there quickly I could then do what I’m doing now but from a baseline of being skinny…it’s just the thought of those soups. YAK 🙁
I’m with you!
Course you are Fleury…sisters in arms, eh?
That is a stunning photo! But those soups sound awful, not to mention your hair falling out. If you are ok with very-low-calorie diets without the shakes etc, have a look at Michael Mosleys Blood Sugar Diet. There is a website, and a book plus recipe books. It’s 800 calories a day (for 8 weeks, then a few more calories), but real healthy Mediterranean-style food. What successes I’ve had this year were when I was sticking to it. I’ve relaxed a bit now in the lead up to Christmas but I lost 5kg in 5 weeks then I’ve maintained that.
Unlike WW where you can eat whatever unhealthy junk you like as long as it’s within points, the BSD requires you to eat only healthy real food. Very difficult at first (and in my opinion impossible over Christmas). But after you get over the carb flu from dropping all the “white stuff” (sugar, flour, rice etc) you don’t feel hungry. The science behind it is carbs make your body release insulin which makes you store fat and also get hungry. And of course raise your blood sugar levels.
As I write all this it sounds like a crazy crackpot dangerous diet that no one in their right mind would do but have a look at the website. I’ve been on the forums for a year and there are so many success stories. The idea that sugar and processed starchy foods are the real enemy (not fatty foods) has gained a lot of ground over the past few years.
I’ll check it out thanks Natalie – I can cope fine with VLC diets, just not if I’m hungry!