So. Excuse the brief hiatus, it’s been a busy few days and the asshole voice has scored a couple more direct hits since that confident proclamation that I’ve got this now because I’m back in the zone. Back in the zone my arse. I’m in the zone in a very Hokey Cokey kind of fashion since I’m in, out and then I’m fucking shaking it all about.
Four good days followed by two bad, followed by two good and three bad…that’s kind of how it’s panning out. I’m shitting my pants about having to stand on the scales and look God of Pain in the eye next time I’m summoned into the back room for a chat, because I know I’m going to get the bollocking I deserve. What’s wrong with me??
How can I be so solid in my resolve one minute and then throw it all away the next? Thursday last week was a classic example of fucked-upness. I’d had a good day, then I’d been to the gym and done an hour’s circuit training yet all the way home in the car I was wrestling with myself over whether I should, or should not eat a Mars Bar. I was desperate for one, and annoyingly I had to pass the corner shop on the way to my house.
I’d convinced myself I was going to pull over right up until the moment I approached the bend in the road where the shop is, and somehow I managed to keep the pedal to the metal and drive past. Victory, right? Yeah, you’d think. I can’t have been in the house ten minutes before I texted my boy and asked him to pick me up a Mars Bar on his way home. Like an ejit.
Friday was a really bad day, Saturday was less so but not perfect and yesterday was also not perfect…that was a blow given that Sunday’s are my reboot day. I did avoid a lot of temptation – I’ve been away this weekend staying with my friend and it was the Living North Christmas fair which I’ve talked about with you guys before.
I managed not to eat my own body weight in samples from the food hall, and I found these awesome treats which were a bit like skinny walnut whips just without the walnuts. The lady on the stall made a big fuss about the fact there was only seventy calories in each one, and that’s great you know, except I ate six of them. So, not that great then.
Today I’ve woken up feeling cross with myself and frustrated at being a week beyond my ‘it’s all okay now’ post and clearly still very much not okay but I do have renewed determination that it will be. Again. I’ve been trying to write the blog post about crossing the finish line in Cuba but my words are getting stuck and I can’t seem to do the moment justice.
So you guys lucked out eh? Instead of getting the last instalment of my epic story you’ve ended up listening to me banging on about what a shit few days I’ve had…sorry about that. I’m standing in the naughty corner, thinking about what I’ve done.
I haven’t given up. I’m totally hanging in here. Stick with me, I need you lot more than ever right now ?
Oh, for criminy’s sake! Me too! Feet of clay. My sweet spot is a memory. But, thanks to the Skinny Girl posse I can honestly say I am in this! (So this year is a really different rate of speed, right? So what – any period I don’t spend in weight-gain free fall, is a win!)
I put in a sweat session this morning, prepared a simple & satiating & on-plan dinner. I left some Holiday sweets in the store – got out of there and safely home with no chocolates or festive frosted cookies – OR cheesy snacks – stowed away in the shopping bag… Listen, guys, those are fucking dangerous uxb’s, DON’T buy them, I mean a bag of Maui onion flavored potato chips taught the Asshole Voice all about persuasion. Don’t let’s give it so much time to work on us – that first line of defense is critical!
Couldn’t agree more Fleury…the day I buy cheese balls I’ll know its over. And it’s hard to stride out with feet of clay isn’t it? I have a matching pair ?
That is why I shop the perimeter of the grocery store to avoid the siren call of JUNK FOOD. Well done Fleury leaving the store w/o the “treats”
You can do it! Remember this is a tough time of year and be gentle with yourself. 🙂
Hi Mary – I’m trying to be gentle with myself whilst at the same time stopping my brattish behaviour!
I don’t know if it will help you to know this or not. When I am angry or stressed or frustrated, that is when I want my own version of naughty foods. Also, my husband is my food buddy if that makes sense. Only he can eat the shitty food and not go up on the scale but I’m not that lucky! Anyway, Saturday I was pissed off at the world! I craved all my favorite bad for me substances and said so out loud, and my husband was all in for a knock your socks off binge! But get this is I said NO! Buying and eating this bad for me stuff while nice in the moment won’t help in the long run so I didn’t but I came close. Even after all these years all us still have our scrimmages with our addictive foods. I won that time but not always. Hang in there one day at a time! Been doing that coming up on 20 years next year.
Susan you’re awesome, well done for not listening to that voice. Let’s hope some of your steely resolve will rub off on the rest of us!
I see the same pattern here that I go through. It’s so frustrating, you think you’ve “got it” again only to let it slip through your fingers. For me it’s very scary because it takes months before I can “flip the (elusive) switch again.” I’ve been paying close attention since you started slipping to see how you recover because if anyone can it’s you. Selfishly, I’m looking for the magic cure. Remember how iron clad your resolve was when you started this blog? I was amazed every time you wrote about all the challenges you sailed through – working away, resisting hotel foods, going away a few times with girlfriends, blog awards to name a few. You were a rock star and you still can be. I have faith that you can turn this around. Christmas is coming which is challenging even when we are feeling strong. You don’t want to start the new year off even heavier. (I think I’m giving myself a pep talk here 🙂 ).
I wonder if it would help if you did a few days of protein shakes to get the sugar out of your system and not have to deal with food. It may re-set your resolve.
I’m pulling for you Dee x
You know what Jo that’s not a half bad idea. I thought about switching it up and doing something fairly radical just so I can turbo-charge my efforts in the short term to shock me back onto the right path. Hmmm…
You are human! You’d have to be more than human if these kinds of things didn’t happen sometimes. It’s been a difficult week for me, too.
Has it Meems? There’s a few of us all in the same boat. All together now…wecandothis wecandothis wecandothis 🙂
I am so glad I came across your blog. I could have written this any given week. I fall off so easy and I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me. Reading this helps be realize that I am not alone. Today is a new day! We all in this together and with each others motivation, we will kick it’s ass!
Lori, how lovely to meet you and of course you’re not alone…welcome to the posse, we ARE all in this together and leaning on each other really helps 🙂