Holy Moly it feels like the pressure is really ramping up now – I’ve got some last minute bits and pieces sorted out this week, and tomorrow I have my final practise walk before the actual trek itself. It’s scary to think this time next week I’ll orienting my way around Havana, feeling like a proper adventurer on my way to explore the deepest depths of the Cuban rainforest. Eeek!!
Something that hadn’t occurred to me, in the middle of all this preparation for the walking and the bugs and the camping, was that for the first and last two days of the trip we’re actually on holiday in a proper hotel with a pool and a cocktail menu. Result! And there are some trips arranged for us around old Havana amongst other things, I mean they’re really going to give us a flavour of Cuba. I’ve been too caught up in everything else to even think about that.
I’m even more excited now I’ve actually read the small print, although it’s sort of knocked my packing a bit sideways –let’s be honest, I’d look like a dick sitting around the pool in full trekking gear including hat complete with mozzie net, looking for all the world like I’m on the edge of an adventure whilst everyone else gets their groove on with a Cuba Libre and a good book.
So it seems like I need four days’ worth of non-trekkie clothes too. Which is fine, except they’ve given us a limit on luggage, and most of my allowance will be taken up by bug spray. Maybe I need to relax a bit about the bugs. Just take, you know five gallons of insect repellant instead of six..? I was playing fast and loose with my baggage allowance until they said my bag might need to be transported by donkeys, and since they’re much cuter than your average baggage handler I feel a certain obligation to remain within my weight limit.
Honestly? The pressure of knowing everything I’ve been working for is just around the corner is playing havoc with my food plan. My Asshole voice is having a ball, trying to talk me into no end of naughties and I’m afraid to admit he’s achieved a pretty good strike rate this week. WTF is wrong with me? I ate three cupcakes at work today. Three. Counting them conservatively in terms of smart points that’s twenty one points out of a daily allowance of thirty four. That’s not even funny, right?
It’s been the same all week, and it was equally hard last week too just to stay in the zone and maintain focus. I’ll bare my arse to the world if I’ve lost any weight this week… I’m three points in deficit at this point and I haven’t eaten dinner yet. The boxing class I should have gone to after work didn’t happen because the motorway was snarled up with an accident and I didn’t make it in time even though I left work early so I’m relying on our long walk tomorrow to help me snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But talk about sailing close to the wind.
I need to give my head a wobble and remind myself why I’m doing this…I didn’t lose weight to go to Cuba, I’m going to Cuba because I needed something to help me focus my mind. How ironic would it be if the pressure got to me enough that I fell off the wagon? Don’t worry, I’m not planning to, I’m just thinking out loud.
Tomorrow I’m going to walk my socks off, and Sunday is a bright shiny new week…let me at it 🙂
Fingers crossed, Dee!
Heya Dee–I was just looking at the path of Hurricane Matthew and thought of your trip. Are you watching it? xoMarg
I am Margaret, with morbid fascination! Please please please please let Hurricane Matthew blow itself out before it makes landfall!!!
There’s something about being so close to a goal that makes us let our foot off the gas, and i’m not yet sure what that is. Fear of success? Wondering if the goal won’t be all we’ve hoped? The answer eludes me, but i will keep trying, and trying to figure out why self-sabotage at the last moment seems to be a problem.
Enjoy that walk tomorrow!
We had a terrific day thanks Mimi…I’m shattered!
Why not pack just a few things for your first day in Havana, and then have fun shopping. My sister got some lovely sundresses there! Good luck on your trek!
Oh my days Terri, but what if they don’t have fat girl clothes! I think I’d have sleepless nights about that!
I will keep you on the wagon on our walk tomorrow. We have to get Charlie over 4 ladder stiles! ! You will be in your element in Cuba. Go for it!
Thanks Julia!
I hear you. I have been dieting for a few months for my son’s wedding next weekend. I had bought a dress too small and then gained another 10lbs so I thought I needed to lose 20lbs to fit into it. I’ve lost 17lbs and the dress fits perfectly but I changed my mind and bought a different one. So now that I feel confident in the dress I’m suddenly allowing a cookie in after dinner every night. I’ve also been dipping into pretzels and other stuff, not going over by more than 100 calories or so but I just know that I’m in the danger zone where I will lose my sweet spot and once that switch is flipped it’s over.
I’ve been daydreaming about the food at the rehearsal dinner and then the wedding feast and wedding cake and the breakfast at the hotel so I know I’m in deep trouble I also have a baptism the following week so more cake, yikes! I honestly want to keep dieting because Thanksgiving is coming up and then Christmas and I don’t want to go through this crap again. I’m so sick of it but I don’t correct myself. One cookie won’t kill me, I don’t need to count the calories in the broken bits in the cookie tin right?
It doesn’t matter how much I remind myself how difficult these last few months have been only losing half a pound a week or sometimes nothing and then 1.6lbs and then nothing for two weeks. If I go off the rails I don’t know if I will ever get back on again. My stinking thinking is telling me to just be happy where I am. I’ve fought this my whole life, why keep on repeating the same cycle? But if I don’t diet I will only keep getting bigger. Ugh!!! I want of off this wheel!
Okay, who’s blog is this anyway. I’m sorry for taking over like that, but maybe it will resonate with one of the posse. If you figure it out let me know. I wish you safe travels, go make your Daddy proud and don’t take any $#@! from those mosquito’s. They love me too by the way. I once read that they like sweet people and I have enough sugar in me to support a small colony tee hee!
Jo.
Oh my days Jo…I can identify with every single word! We’ll need to prop each other up after your wedding and my trek okay? We are going to crack this shit once and for all !!!
Hopefully this week will be a draw on the scale nothing
lost nothing gained pound wise
Have a great walk tomorrow and don’t beat yourself up
pressure gets to every body. Just get right back on track
at the next opportunity.
Aw thanks Susan…that’s the plan! ?