I’ve always liked a nice washing line, in fact I think it’s fair to say that washing lines are one of my things. There’s nothing nicer than the smell of fresh blown washing, and there’s few things more satisfying than the sight of a long line of freshly laundered clothes bobbing in the breeze. It’s a pretty day today, lots of blue sky between the clouds, and for the first time in ages I pegged my washing out.
I observed the rules of course…anything that happens to part of a matching pair has to be pegged next to its partner. Each garment has to have matching coloured pegs. Where possible things of the same garment family should be grouped together, like trousers, or tops. Allowances can be made by exception, for example pyjamas have a top and pants but can’t be in two places at the same time, so a matching pair generally trumps garment family…
I know what you’re thinking. It is ridiculous, I can see that. My boy, who isn’t afflicted by the same degree of washing line OCD enjoys winding me up by breaking every single rule on the odd occasion his laundry bypasses the tumble dryer and makes it on to the line. Today though, they’ve been pegged by my own fair hands, and all is in order. I should be happy…and yet.
I looked outside to check on the weather and caught sight of my line of washing with the breeze through it, and there were six pairs of my black trousers lined up next to each other looking for all the world like six fat ladies getting their groove on. With the wind inside them they looked monstrous.
Is that what my arse looks like from the rear view..? Still..? I can’t believe that something so stupid can turn my mood upside down so quickly. The asshole voice in my head went berserk and my new-found self confidence took a proper battering. How ridiculous is that? I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, and there’s absolutely no logical reason why I should.
Looking at them made me feel fat. And when I feel fat, I start thinking fat. I’ve been grazing all day, it’s now 4pm and I’ve got no points left. None. My weekly ones are all spent too. The sight of my cavernous pants drove me to loiter near my boy who was eating hangover carbs in the form of pizza and I turned the kind of eyes on him that even Charlie dog could only aspire to. Having checked that I had enough points left, he begrudgingly handed over two slices of heaven which didn’t even touch the sides of my mouth as they headed south.
I’d love to tell you that the pizza tasted amazing but the truth of it is I ate both slices so fast I barely tasted them. And there it is, right? The compulsion to anaesthetise my feelings with food when something makes me feel bad. Alive and kicking at the first fucking opportunity. I honestly despair that despite all the work I’ve put in, unpicking the knots in my thought processes and rebuilding the way I think piece by piece, I can still come totally unglued when my self-esteem take a knock.
I don’t wear size twelve pants. I know this. It shouldn’t come as a shock to see six pairs of fat pants going through the laundry. The fact that I’m on track to be in a size twelve this time next year should be enough…today, it wasn’t.
I guess we all get days like this, right?
Tomorrow’s a new day, with a shiny new week’s worth of smart points. Looking on the bright side, I’ll be starving when I wake up tomorrow given that I can’t eat anything else today so if I was forced to find a silver lining in this shitty day at least I’ll greet the new week feeling like Kate Moss 🙂
Just had to look at this section of your BLOG which I missed from earlier on in the year. That was APRIL and now it is mid August and you are so much fitter and disciplined that you don’t need pizza . Anyway when you see the next slice coming to your lips think NORWEGIAN MOUNTAIN and close your mouth and open up your brain to think trekking, Cuba and success! Go for it lady!
Thanks, I fully intend to Julia 🙂
Dee, there is so much to respond to with this post. Okay, first the clothes line. I have a clothes line that I haven’t been able to use for years. We got a washing machine that uses less water and all the laundry comes out super wrinkly. When you hang them on the line, the wrinkles never come out, even on a super breezy day. So everything has to go in the dryer, even sheets, which is devastating to me. All to be a greener planet. Okay, onto the pants. Sometimes perception can be completely off, screwing with your mindset. Don’t let it get you down. This is key. Secondly, so you are over your points. There’s nothing wrong with that once in a while. Pizza. Love pizza. Love pizza. Pizza.
Isn’t it funny Tracey, I rarely eat Pizza but yesterday it’s all I wanted. Comfort food!
Darlin, count me in the rank of Fat Ladies proudly flying like banners on your clothesline, without nickers (Well, I may be down by a 50# commercial flour bag – Fat Head, then). Hah!
Bring on the new week! Love, Fleury
PMSL what Fleury, no thong?? 🙂 🙂 🙂
I love to see my sheets blowing in the breeze. I rarely see anyone else hanging out the laundry in my neck of the woods (Wisconsin). My husband put the line so far from the house that I have to wait until the grass is dry after all the winter snow melts and then the spring rain. So it’s usually late April/May before I can hang out. I don’t have any way of grouping the clothes together though. I just don’t hang out my knickers!
I hope you are feeling better today. It’s ridiculous what can set us off isn’t it? So today is a new day and you have all your new points, you’ve got this. I hope the scales were kind to you this morning.
Jo.
That made me laugh out loud – my friend doesn’t hang our her knickers either, she’s on 24/7 pervert alert. Hilarious! I am feeling better thanks Jo, it’s a shiny new week!
Brilliant read , yet again Dee x Don’t be so hard on yourself you are doing totally amazing . Proud of you girl xxx
Thanks Sue! 🙂
Are vegetables free on WW these days? A couple of cucumbers are at least filling (if not satisfying) and have very few calories.
They are Natalie…but you know when you get the devil inside you, it’s not cucumber he’s baying for, right?!
Look how things have changed. Months ago, you would have seen those pants on the line and gone and ordered more pizzas and eaten tons more and maybe ice cream to boot, and you would have felt like crap the next day, and you’d be feeling so awful you would spend the next day eating even more.
Now, however, you got upset and ate because of your feelings, but you Ate Within Points! And Stopped when the Points were Gone! You are a rock star!
Aw thanks Mimi…yesterday was tough 🙁