So, one of the drawbacks of coming from good old Yorkshire stock is the tendency to forget that not everyone is as comfortable with plain talk as I am. I mean, if you’re a regular reader you’ll be used to me getting straight to the point of what’s on my mind, with an occasional bit of salty language here and there. I don’t see an issue with that, because that’s me, you know? It’s what comes out of my head, in the same way it would come out of my mouth if you were standing in front of me.
I guess sometimes in my haste to drive home a point I can forget to apply my is this going to offend anyone? filter, and judging by the furious response I got from someone on an email last night at least one blooper got through the net yesterday…whoops.
Now, having exchanged lots and lots of emails with you lot over the last eight months or so, I know that collectively you have a terrific sense of humour. I know we laugh at the same things, despair over the same things and, well we just get each other, right? We’ve walked the requisite mile in each other’s’ shoes, and we’re all eminently qualified to understand and express a view on the general topic of being fat.
It was pointed out in no uncertain terms that there may be a small number of folk amongst the posse who would prefer not to be referred to as fat old ladies with bingo wings. Being a fat old lady with bingo wings myself, I didn’t give it a second thought, but I had a proper bollocking – that’s Yorkshire speak for telling off in case it doesn’t translate – from someone I’d managed to offend with my sweeping generalisation that only fat girls and old ladies wear shrugs…
Now, half of me wants to defend my position (really, have you EVER seen a skinny string bean with toned arms cover up their top half with a shrug unless it’s like an Antarctic event?) but mostly I’m full of remorse that my words might have stung a bit. Not my intention, I promise and I’m genuinely sorry if I hurt your feelings. Me and my big mouth, right?!
That said, I also had a handful of really lovely notes from folk who wanted to encourage me to be proud of who I am, you know, comfortable in my own skin so I could feel like a million dollars despite my arse looking like boulders in a bag. I love the sentiment, and I appreciate every single word of reassurance…I’m not buying it though.
I’d give anything to be able to get to that place, where I consider slender and fat to have equal standing in the beauty stakes. The ability to look in a mirror and see fat and beautiful in one and the same body has eluded me since time began and I don’t see that changing any time soon. I can’t bring myself to fly the banner for big and beautiful…I just can’t. I’m not saying that fat people can’t be attractive, because they can…but looking at it through the lens of self, I can’t put those two words together because I don’t feel it, you know? I recognise that not everyone feels that way…but I do.
That said, in relation to the way I felt 62lbs ago, I feel awesome. And relatively speaking, I’m looking better. But that’s because I’m skinnier. I’ll look even better still when I get the next hundred and a bit pounds off.
Good job there’s no Smart Points in humble pie… 🙂
DJan here. I read the comment and smiled, because I am a previously fat old lady whose bingo wings never went away. I have been following all this with interest, but I just want to say I hope you keep up the adventure with your usual humor and great writing! KEEP IT UP! I’m looking forward to the day you post a picture of yourself here. 🙂
I will Djan, I promise…thanks for your support as always 🙂
Please don’t change your writing style for fear of offending someone. This is your blog to express your feelings. Wave your flag with pride. Continue to be yourself and be honest. If someone is offended then they have the option to not read what you write. Rock on!
Hello, lovely to meet you and I promise I won’t…I don’t think I could if I tried!
Hi Dee, This is the very first time I have felt the need to comment. I just love your blog and in particular the way in which you are able to humorously express your thoughts. As already mentioned If someone doesn’t like what they read, they needn’t follow your blog. Please don’t change anything about the way you write just because those without a sense of humour take offense. Absolutely adore you Dee.
Aw thanks for your support Jules, I really appreciate it 🙂 I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog!
My statement stands, that you will shine brighter than any bling you wear. No offence taken at what you said, either.
Good, I’m glad 🙂
Oh seriously! At least they emailed you! I hate nasty comments for the world to see, but this is YOUR blog and we have the ability to stop reading if you are offensive in any way. But, that won’t be happening because I find your writing as gorgeous as your bingo wings xoxo
Aw bless you 🙂 Thanks lovely!
I recently got pissed off (ie annoyed) when someone told me to stop whining on my blog – it’s my outlet for complaints so I don’t annoy the people who actually live with me! – so I get people saying you should be able to write what you want. But I also get that it could be hurtful to imply something like “all fat people are ugly” considering most of your readers are probably overweight. Depending on how much you care about that, you could restrict humorous insults to yourself rather than generalisations. But do what you want – it’s your blog!!
Since I’m in a bit of a serious mood it seems, this did worry me where you talk about not being able to love your body as it is (I’m totally the same, hate my rolls of stomach) because one day in the not too distant future we’ll be old. Will we hate our bodies then for being slender but wrinkly? Will we hide our hands because they are twisted from arthritis or wear dark sunglasses because our eyes are a bit pink and watery? Will we ever be happy with this imperfect shell we live in?
I so wish I could appreciate what I have now while still working to improve it.
I do too Natalie…I genuinely don’t think all fat people are ugly, that’s the thing! Just this one 🙂 After the reaction to the reaction, I’m feeling less alarmed than I was and a bit reassured that I haven’t pissed off half my posse! 🙂
I find your writing honest and funny and you often say things that I have already thought in my head but not actually said out loud! If someone in your posse is offended by your speak then they should jog on and find someone else’s blog to read instead of trying to get you to change your personality which is fabulous by the way!!! Keep up the good work my lovely!!!
Aw thanks Maxine! I’m so lucky to have such amazing support 🙂
I know here in America now days we get offended way to easy.
I read the line you got balled out for and laughed right out loud.
I am a normal weight woman now but I still have “bingo” arms.
I totally get wanting to cover them up! Write what you want if
they don’t like it they don’t have to read your blog there are lots
of other blogs out there maybe one of them won’t offend this
person.
Thanks Susan…I generally scribble down whatever comes out of my head, I think I’d struggle to do it any other way!
Forget the humble pie!!!!!!! I love the way you write, and honestly, all this PC stuff about being sure never to offend anyone anytime makes me tired. If you have to write that way you might as well retire your pen………. 🙂
Phew, someone else I didn’t upset!! Goodo ?
You speak for me, too. All of the above, including Just pass that pie pan around to me when you’ve taken your helping. Many of us have a common bond, but different emotional wiring.
I swear by regular applications of gallows humor, so maybe (MAYBE) less susceptible to insult. Hmmm, of course the very one who can wound me unexpectedly, is a shipmate on this precarious life raft.
Much love to you & you-folks, Fleury
Ha Fleury you know you’re running a big risk standing behind me in the pie line…good luck with that PMSL ?