I’ve had a really good week this week – you know that way where you just know. I’m not scraping by on a wing and a prayer, in fact I’m very happy with how it’s all gone. I’d even go so far as to say the bitch in the bathroom was flirting with me this morning as I went about my daily routine…come on, come and step aboard a day early, your buns look skinny today…I didn’t, even though I was really tempted…I want to get a run at seven full days  so I get the full benefit tomorrow 🙂

Seriously, she’d better give me a good number…I’ve kept my eating clean, I’m well within smart points and I’ve even put my foot down and made this fat old body produce the occasional burst of speed. I’ve noticed that the Asshole voice has been conspicuous by his absence too…until today. Today he came back with a vengeance, and now he won’t leave me alone.

So, in the supermarket this morning I happened to linger by the bargain corner. Nothing wrong with that, you know how I love a bargain. Except there were two large packs of Tesco finest moussaka on the shelf, marked down in price to lower than the one-person meals. Now, I’ve got to be honest, they are my absolute favourite. They have always been one of my go-to foods, you know?

Many a food coma has been brought on by me sitting in my big leather recliner, enjoying a three course meal comprising two family bags of cheese balls as an appetiser, a large moussaka for the main event, and a litre drum of Haagen Dazs to finish with. About four and a half thousand calories, right there, in that one sitting. Crap, I mean when I look back, there’s no wonder my arse took on a life of its own. And that wasn’t an isolated incident, you know?

Anyway, it seemed like a good idea at the time to buy both the reduced packs. I still buy a single pack from time to time – it’s hardly worth bothering, I think the serves one guide notes refer to folk who have stomachs the size of walnuts, but if I eat it with a mountain of vegetables I at least feel like I’ve had a treat. And even the small pack is 21 smart points, out of a daily allowance of 38. The family packs, the ones which are sitting in the fridge behind me right now, are 42 points.

So obviously, the conversation I had with the Asshole voice at the intersection of aisles twelve and thirteen revolved around buying the reduced packs, getting them home and then splitting them in half before freezing them for future use. Because that’s what normal people would do, right?

From the minute I unpacked my shopping and for the rest of the afternoon, all I’ve heard is Why don’t you eat a whole one..? I mean I know they’re supposed to be for two people but we all know that they’e not, really, and you haven’t used any of your exercise points this week, so you could if you wanted to, without even breaking the rules…you deserve a treat, you’ve been so good this week…yadder yadder yadder…

As I was getting my nails done earlier, I was chatting with the girls in the salon about this and that, but I was thinking about moussaka. Walking Charlie dog this afternoon, with every step the Asshole reminded me that I was accruing fit points, and I could swap them for moussaka. As I’m typing this blog post, I’m thinking about fucking moussaka to the point where my mouth is actually watering.

It’s ridiculous that out of the blue, after a really solid week I get assaulted by thoughts of trigger food. Maybe because it’s one of the things which belonged in my old life with no limits, and now I can eat it but only if it’s propped up either side with terms and conditions.

I am going to eat moussaka for tea, but I’m eating half, and freezing half. Like normal people would. It would be so much easier to not have it at all, but I’ve clearly got some kind of masochistic vibe going on today.

But you know what, boil it down to brass tacks and there’s no real argument to be had. I’ve got an appointment in the morning with the bitch in the bathroom – no way am I tarnishing this outstanding week. Too much care went into it, and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow feeling afraid of the number. I’m accountable for the input, right? I refuse to hand the balance of power to something whose only job is to report the number.

It’d better be a chuffing impressive number, that’s all I can say 🙂

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