I don’t know about you, but sometimes I wake up with an idea in my head, and whilst I might lay and rationalise with myself before I even get out of bed as to why it’s not a good idea, more often than not I end up doing it anyway. Today, out of nowhere I woke up and decided I needed a new phone.

I’ve had worse ideas to be fair…my old one’s been out of contract for at least six months and I’ve been lusting after something a bit bigger. Old eyes and all that, I’m tired of squinting at my hand.

Debate raged for a while between me and the committee in my head made up of the Asshole voice (spend spend spend) and my Captain Sensible voice (nothing wrong with your old one, you’re basing this on want not need and besides the one you’re after won’t fit in your favourite evening purse, you know the one you ‘had to have’ because it was just the right size for your phone…) but in the end the lure of technology and a little retail therapy proved too much, and I upgraded.

And there started the mad dash. I’d faffed and fannied around all morning so I was running late for my nail appointment, which meant I had to rush out without breakfast. From there I headed over to town. I knew I wouldn’t find a parking space anywhere near the shop, and since everything around here is built on a hill I ended up parking right at the bottom and walking up into town. Like normal people do, and without batting an eyelid.

Deed done, I walked back down again, swinging into Marks and Sparks to pick up some stuff from the food hall, and walked back to the car with two fairly heavy bags. Being mother’s day tomorrow the town was jam packed with folk clutching flowers and bags so it required much dodging left and right. I just did it on autopilot. Like normal people do.

And then I came home. Without plundering either bag of goodies in the car or steering with one hand whilst chewing something because I’d not eaten yet and the clock was ticking…I just drove. Charlie dog greeted me with a big wag of his tail and then stood by the door expectantly whilst I unpacked the shopping as if to say come on, you’re all sorted and now it’s my turn. So off we went, and walked about three miles. Then I ate. Like a normal person.

Six months ago, my day would have revolved around food. The prospect of leaving the house on an empty stomach would have practically induced a panic attack. If I’d gone to town at all I would have driven up and down the main street on a continuous loop, getting madder and madder when no parking spaces opened up right on the doorstep of where I needed to be. But I’d have hung in there, for as long as it took. Walk..? No chance.

I certainly wouldn’t have gone near Marks and Sparks on the day before mothers’ day but after I’d eventually found a parking spot and got sorted with my phone I would have swung through the drive through and picked up twenty chicken nuggets to see me right for the drive home, because you know, quelle horreur…I’d missed lunch.

There’s no way on earth I could have done then what I can do now. I’m still fat…I’m six dress sizes away from where I should be so there’s still plenty to go at you know? But I’m a fat girl who’s dipping her toes in what being normal feels like, and I’m here to tell you it feels good.

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