Sometimes things have a way of working out beautifully don’t they..? Just after I found out I’d been shortlisted as a finalist in the UK Blog Awards I received an invitation to attend a bit of a get-together with my fellow finalists and our sponsors, and I thought I probably wouldn’t be able to go. It’s not the awards ceremony I’m talking about, just an evening spent meeting a lot of the people involved, with an opportunity to chat and get to know everyone. Thing is, I’m a northern girl, and this social evening is in London.
However, as things worked out the timing was perfect because I needed to be down here on business anyway for the first couple of days this week, so I just booked a later train home and as I push the button on today’s blog post, I’m just getting ready to cross the city and mingle.
I wouldn’t say I’m awkward in social situations, but its a long time since I’ve enjoyed anything like this. Especially when I was the size of a moose, I mean for all the reasons we’ve chatted about over the weeks and months on this journey. Six months ago irrespective of work schedule I probably wouldn’t have gone, because I would have been worried about too many things.
First and foremost, what would people think as I walked in the room…blimey, she knows her way around a pie doesn’t she! And what would the room be like, you know would I have to stand up? My back and my knee and my ankles would have been screaming at me after ten minutes if I did, but if there were chairs, would they have arms, and if they did would I fit in the seat without the arms cutting into my legs, and most of all would they be sturdy enough to hold me?
And what if I were to be offered something to eat…should I eat? I mean, what if everyone else was and I didn’t, that would make me stand out and I’d hate that. But if I did eat, what would people think…blimey look at her, hoovering up the buffet, best get in quick whilst there’s still stuff left!
It was crippling, not to mention exhausting having to worry about stuff like that. I mean, way to take a pleasant evening and surround it on all sides by the Asshole voice, chipping away at your self esteem, as if the actual physical considerations weren’t bad enough.
I am less worried than I would have been then. Dare I say I’m even looking forward to it…I do love meeting people and I’ve already made a few connections through social media. And most of all, they’re expecting me to be fat, so I won’t disappoint anyone in the way you do when you’re different to the way folk imagine you’re going to be. I mean it would even look a bit odd if I rocked up skinny wouldn’t it, given that I’ve spent the last six months talking about the size of my arse.
I’m still fat, but I’m not as fat. So I’ll still worry a bit, but I’m not going to drive myself bat shit crazy with it like I would have not too long ago. They know what they’re getting so that makes me more relaxed, hell I can even cross my legs now, I mean I’ve got it all going on.
The thing I’m looking forward to most of all is meeting other people who do what I do, you know? There must be folk like me who started blogging to help them deal with stuff. People with busy lives, and issues, who have to try and fit their desire to write around all the other demands on their time but who could no more think of quitting than flying to the moon.
I wonder if they’re like me..? I wonder if sometimes they’ve got rich pickings in the bank in terms of drafted posts, and other times the coffers are empty and every word needs coaxing out reluctantly only to read like shit when they’re all lined up on the page. That’s the hardest thing, when you put stuff out there for other folk to read. The pressure when the words won’t come is sometimes like sailing close to the wind without a life vest.
I’m going to really enjoy swapping notes, and stories, and just hanging out with folk who get a kick out of flexing their creative muscles…it’s funny, one of my new friends reached out to ask which subscription widget I used because she liked the way mine looked. I did try and warn her about the gremlins, in fact it’s ironic that I’d hoped one of them would be able to recommend a more reliable one to me since I can’t seem to find one that’s any better than the flaky mind-of-it’s-own one that I’ve got!
Anyway, picture me tonight standing easier in my own skin…you guys helped me do that and I’m more grateful than I can tell you 🙂
