I’m writing this blog post on the train, on my way down to see my best friend…she very annoyingly lives nowhere near me and despite nagging her incessantly for the last twenty years or so to move back to my neck of the woods I’ve given up now, she’s got a couple of grand babies and I know when I’m beat.
Even the lure of my roast dinners couldn’t tempt her away these days, especially since the portions have shrunk, and rightly so. But I have business meetings in London over the early part of this week, and I grabbed the chance with both hands to come down early for a weekend visit and some cuddles with those babies.
There’s a young guy sitting opposite me across the aisle, who bought a bar of chocolate from the trolley as it made it’s way down the carriage. Me, I bought coffee and I’ve already polished off the two bananas I brought with me for breakfast. But I’m fascinated by this bloke…he ate one strip of chocolate, and now he’s gone to sleep. With the chocolate open, and unfinished on the table right in front of him. Who does that?!!
I’ve never been able to do that. I have friends who laugh about recipes which invite to you use leftover wine, on the basis that no such thing exists, and whilst I can take or leave wine, there’s definitely no such thing as leftover chocolate in my world. I mean, buying a bar to eat later would be hard enough but come on, surely once you’ve had a square and got the taste for it you can’t just leave it sitting there? And sleep.
My mind is wandering all over the place…I’m imagining some kind of ninja move to swap out my empty banana skin for his barely touched bar of Galaxy. I mean he’s out for the count, right? He might just think he dreamed the chocolate and really he ate fruit, kind of like the shower scene in Dallas…the chocolate never happened, in the same way that Bobby Ewing never shagged that other woman whilst Pamela was off being dead for a bit. It was all a dream.
I’m thinking no, I probably couldn’t get away with that. Christ, I’m a fifty year old woman reduced to thoughts of skullduggery by an open bar of chocolate that’s not even near enough for me to smell it. Get a grip woman. It’s a good job he doesn’t have cheesy balls or we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. I’d be looking at getting escorted off the train at the next station on the basis that the bright orange e-numbers smeared all over my chops proved the case against me despite me denying all knowledge m’lud.
I know that sugar is addictive, and I’m seriously thinking about cutting all refined sugar out of my diet…can’t just quite commit but they’re more than idle thoughts. But what about the other stuff that I find just as addictive..? Cheese balls being a case in point. It’s the same thing, once I start and I get the taste for them, it’s over.
I’ve been known to sit and eat three family bags of them one after the other when I was gripped by a binge, usually followed by something sweet to finish with. And you know whilst the concept of that feels very alien to me from this perspective of food sobriety, my God there are times where I just want to melt into my big fat recliner and vaporise my own body weight in crap. I won’t…but sometimes I really want to.
Which brings me back to the train and Rip Van sodding Winkle across the way there with his half eaten bar of Galaxy. On a scale of one to ten, exactly how wrong is it of me to hope it bloody chokes him?
Who does that?! I honestly don’t understand it. I am the same with wine (or drink generally), but food?! I worked with a similar kind of person. She could just keep it on her desk, half eaten. To give myself a fighting chance, it has to be out of sight, out of mind, and even then, that isn’t a guaranteed strategy for success.
Ditto all that Steph…I can sniff naughty stuff out at 50 paces!
So my friend just turned me onto your blog and I can’t thank her enough. I laughed so much and I was coming up with multiple ways to snatch that candy bar from the unsuspecting traveler. Doesn’t he really deserve it after all for eating part of it and just leaving the rest? Who does such a ridiculous thing? It’s almost as if he’s throwing it in your face really. I think he just about is asking for it!! LOL
Hey Holly, welcome to Skinny Towers! actually you’ll find a link to your own blog on my “interesting stuff” page, I read you often! And yes, I was hoping someone nabbed his chocolate but they didn’t…but I’m not bitter ?
Oh my god yes. So, remember how some of this lot have reported sightings of Skinny Country… especially a first hint of that exotic foreign air & light – the distant whiff of sun-toasted grasses, rain soaked ferns – a sense of what it might be like to live as their Skinny self.
It has changed the nature of their ride.
Myself, I am less edgy around chocolate-not-yet-consumed. The presence in the world of gorgeous cakes, is not THAT disspiriting, I think. (I think….) Now cheesy and salty etc., still have my number, but not (I THINK), Sweets. This might be progress… I am eager to keep trundling along.
Love U Loa, Fleury
Hey fleury-pops…cheesy and salty for you too, right..? Down the road when we have a BOTSG convention we’re going to have to be really careful about the catering, or we’ll get kicked out of Skinny Town for abuse of salty snacks ?
I’ve never seen a food trolley either LOL.
Yes he’s one of ‘those’ and I’m glad you controlled yourself, can’t have our Dee carted off the train when there are babies to cuddle!
Missed keeping up here – was on a vacation both trying and fun – but I’m back!
Welcome back, we missed you! I can’t believe how giddy you all are about the trolley, I hardly pay them any heed!
I was excited by the train trolley too! How cool is that?!?
The ones who can eat anything they like and never gain weight are like that, they can also just eat a little bit and save the rest for later and it doesn’t bother them and it’s not fair that we have to totally avoid it all because we can’t stop and it puts more weight on us than it actually weighs itself, for mercy’s sake! How a six ounce bag of crisps can put a pound on a person has always flummoxed me.
Forgive me, it’s Girl Scout Cookie season, and the boxes i ordered for the family are here and i’m having to look at them and say it doesn’t matter that the peanut butter patties and thin mints are vegan, i don’t need the sugar and refined flour and i’m not going to touch them, so i’m a bit out of sorts right now.
Aw…sending hugs Mimi ?
You have food trolleys on trains, just like in Harry Potter? Wow, I thought that was just a wizard invention!
I’m with you on the cheesy balls thing. Anything with that crunchy salty combination (especially if also cheesy) is my weakness. Lately when treating myself I’ve been avoiding that kind of thing because I know one small bag wouldn’t be enough once I started. But I think feeling virtuous about that has helped me ignore the amount of other stuff I’ve been eating. Hey, chocolate isn’t a trigger food for me so I can eat as much as I want, right? Isn’t that how it works?
Haha Natalie yes, that’s exactly it! And that is too cute, that you didn’t think food trolleys were for real ???
HAHAHAHAHA, yeah, Natalie, it is fraught with peril. Dee, “Trolly” is so exotic! Is it pushed by a grandmotherly type? -F
Not usually Fleury…it’s usually some hot young thing. I reckon they sell more!