The post I put up a few days ago called The Asshole’s Greatest Hits prompted a flurry of emails from the posse, and one of the pennies that dropped for me when I was reading them, was that sometimes it’s not about being talked into eating this or that…those are minor asshole victories and you know what, let’s be real and accept that sooner or later he’s going to win some of those battles.
Your Asshole voice can only win the war if he manages to convince you that you just can’t get your head in the zone, and that sadly the time isn’t right for you to be on this diet so you should return to your stash of hob-nobs with immediate effect and wait until some as-yet undetermined point in the future when you might be ready to embrace a new diet with open arms.
As soon as you raise your white flag in surrender, that’s it. The asshole voice scores pay dirt, and you’re out of the game. So is it best to keep plugging away and fight it battle by battle, or is walking away, easing the pressure and giving yourself room to breathe the best option?
It’s a hard one to call, when you think about it. I know better than most how emotionally draining it is, going to bed every night still ‘on a diet’ but having blown it, again, and having to promise yourself that tomorrow you’ll be better. Only tomorrow goes to shit too, and you end up repeating it all on a loop, over and over again until your self-worth feels crushed under the weight of so much failure.
I used to feel shame, real shame that I couldn’t seem to get a grip, but at the end of the day if your head isn’t in the zone, you might as well be trying to push water uphill.
As I was thinking about tonight’s post my thoughts turned to those people who fell off the New Year’s Diet wagon a couple of weeks into January because they lost a battle with one temptation or another, and threw in the towel instead of waking up the next day ready to step back into the ring and try again. I wonder how many of them have looked back since, and thought if only I’d kept going I could’ve been ten pounds lighter by now instead of back to square one and then some…
So I’m coming down on the side of keep going, even if you fail every day…what do you think? Maybe it’s more important to take the pressure off by learning to forgive yourself when you screw up instead of taking yourself out of the game altogether. I’m thinking about it in the context of being committed in the way you would be to a long term relationship, you know?
You don’t walk out at the first sign of trouble. Yes you might have some humdingers in terms of fall-outs but you forgive and move on. You learn tolerance, patience and most of all the hard work seems worth it when harmony is restored. When good times happen. Until the next time you have a wobble, but isn’t that just life?
Thing is, whilst some partnerships are just not meant to be, you and a happy healthy body are a marriage made in heaven so it should be worth every ounce of commitment you can muster, even when it’s bloody hard. You’re worth it.
Part of this journey for me is all about reaching acceptance that my Asshole voice isn’t going to disappear when I reach Skinny Town. I’ve got to keep my head in this zone for the long term, and just continue putting one foot in front of the other, one battle at a time.
No white flag here 🙂
I’m doing a trek to Cuba in October, to raise money in memory of my dad. You can read his story HERE and I would be so grateful if you’d help me honour his memory by donating whatever you can afford so together we can make a difference and help other people who have been affected by mental illness. Thank you!
