I’m having something of an epiphany this week, with this whole exercise thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still as far from using the word enjoy in relation to anything that leaves me out of breath and hurting as I ever was. I don’t see that changing any time soon either, to be frank the only bit I enjoy about exercise is when it’s over.
That said, when I was looking back at the week yesterday and totting up what I’d done altogether in terms of activity, I was almost knocked over by a massive wave of…I don’t know what I’d call it. Self-satisfaction..? Pride, achievement…whatever label I put on it, it felt awesome.
It’s a familiar mantra isn’t it, that diet and exercise go together hand in hand, and that one isn’t as effective without the other. More than that, it’s not even a myth perpetuated by skinny string beans with their cucumber water and painted on yoga pants – everyone agrees. Even me…I just didn’t understand why. And I’m not claiming to have made the leap from zero to hero overnight, but the penny has started to drop and another piece of the jigsaw is falling into place.
I always assumed that the reason diet and exercise were so closely linked was because exercising burns calories and speeds up metabolism, and therefore weight loss. And helps to tone up as you go along. And of course that’s true, it does all of those things. What I hadn’t really thought about, was the psychological edge that exercise gives you.
How can I describe it to you in fat-girl words..? Yesterday, I was faced with the reality of what I can do, rather than what I can’t. Presented with the sum total of my investment into me over the course of one week, I felt unstoppable, you know? It’s like I’ve been handed a massive tube of superglue, which if applied liberally, will keep my feet bang in the middle of this sweet spot.
I know I’ve talked before about the fact that with almost five months’ worth of dieting under my belt in this journey to Skinny Town, I’m invested…I have a lot of skin in the game, and that momentum is one of the biggest reasons I’ve managed to stay in the sweet spot. Every good food choice, every battle with the Asshole voice…it’s all been an investment into me, and what I’m trying to achieve.
Last week I also invested time on the hurt machine and more than twenty miles of walking towards my end goal. And knowing I can do that has made my head feel stronger, as well as my body. The next time the Asshole voice tries to undermine me by telling me I can’t do something, I’ve got a bigger stockpile of reasons why he can just fuck right off.
When you boil it down, it’s pretty obvious, right? The more you invest, the bigger your stake, and the more the outcome matters. And the more it matters, the harder you’ll try. It’s important to me to watch my investment grow, so if I have a wobble I can look at it and the answer will be staring me right between the eyes…look at what I’ve put in so far. Is it worth spoiling for one moment?
The answer will always be NO.
