Twas the night before Christmas, the cupboards were bare,
the food shop is looming, but why should I care?
I can’t eat the good stuff, the stuff that I crave,
‘cos I’ve promised the posse that I will behave 🙁
The Asshole is laughing, he’s biding his time,
he thinks he’ll persuade me to slip into crime.
I admit it, I’m sulking, my thoughts are not good,
as I think of the things I would eat if I could.
I want cheese balls and ice cream, pralines and cream,
pigs in their blankets, and stuffing supreme.
I’m madder than mad, that the size of my arse
means for this year, and next year my plate will be sparse.
My stocking is empty of chocolate and treats,
in light of the fact that I’m pounding the streets.
to remove all this blubber that covers my bum,
and break out the string bean that I shall become.
It SUCKS that on Christmas I have to be good,
but that’s what I promised to do, if I could.
And do it I will, have no fear of that!
(just forgive me for being a grumpy old twat.)
I’ll scowl at the chocolate, and snarl at the pud,
Stick to lean stuff and green stuff and do what I should.
And after it’s over I’ll grin like a fool
That the Asshole was beaten, and I’m still cool 🙂
Have an awesome Christmas everyone…to my occasional readers, my regular lurkers and all of you who join in the chatter on a daily basis, I couldn’t walk this path on my own so I’m sending lots of love to you all with grateful thanks for your glorious company xxx
Great poem! Christmas isn’t really a danger time for me, I’m more of a secret comfort all-alone-in-front-of-the-TV kind of eater, not a celebration eater. I’m sure you did great.
Thanks Natalie…I have a friend who’s very similar to you. Me, I do both!
Merry Christmas Dee. I hope you and your son and fur friend have a fabulous and winning holiday. Congratulations on everything you have achieved and I have no doubt that next year will be even better and skinnier!
AW thanks! And you too, have a great Christmas xx
Merry Christmas, Dee! LOVE your poem. It made me laugh and smile. Enjoy your day and I can’t wait to hear about how the asshole suffers while you prevail. Go get ’em.
Merry Christmas Tracey and hope you have a great day too 🙂
Such a fun poem! And I’m right there with you, all the way. 🙂
Thanks Djan! Have a lovely Christmas x
Heeheehee! Well done! May you and all whom you love have a blessed and beautiful Christmas!
Thank you Mimi, and the same to you xx
Hoo-hoo-hoo [whoops of laughter] – I needed this too, this morning! Many thanks for the up-side of this bare-cupboards version of Christmastime – this month we put up tree, porch lights, hand towels, & one of the Christmassy serving bowls… there it sits on the coffee table, EMPTY of candy, cookies or even nuts.
Hubby may not have noticed, thank heaven – he knows i’m on a mission.
It’s this year. Not the End of Life As We Know It, right? This year, the good smells are more in the savory realm. Loco moco for Christmas a.m. Gorgeous fir branches in our wreath. Roast turkey or beef – sorry guys, i am pretty carnivorous. char siu we’re cooking up, [that’s pork, of course] to take to the Cousins’ Christmas dinner tomorrow.
Dee, excellent pome, i am chanting it. …”I scowl at the chocolate, i snarl at the cake! I’m too focused to obsess about sweets for f**ks sake!” This year IS different – leaner, greener, & nowhere near as conflicted. & I treasure the great company on this train!!
Love, Fleury
LOL I should have thought of that line!! Excellent job. Have a great day Fleury and OMG how scrum my does Char Sui sound…mmmm!!! D x
Merry Christmas! Keep up the good fight 🙂
To you too! D x
Oh a much needed smile this morning! I have not been so good but I’ve not been so bad – and I’ve decided that I need to eat some of my favorites and ignore all the other clutter – teenagers help in disposal of things – labradors too 🙂 But I’m with you in spirit and trying my best
Wishing you and all the posse and very merry christmas and a happy new year!
Ha yes my friend’s lab is a walking dustbin too! To be fair my cocker spaniel makes a valiant effort…he’s beside himself at this time of year with all the good smells going on 🙂 Have a wonderful Christmas Cherie, and thanks for all your support this year x