So I got to thinking the other day about what a strange thing willpower is. It’s not logical you know? I find it bizarre that sometimes I have to dig really deep to say no, and other times I’m able to fire the word out faster than a bullet without giving it a second thought. Why do you think that happens..? To all intents and purposes, it’s the same head making the decisions…the asshole is in permanent residence so him trying to chuck a spanner in the works is par for the course. And yet, some days are still harder than others.
Did I ever tell you I used to be a smoker..? It seems like a lifetime ago – in common with lots of reformed smokers I can’t bear to be anywhere near a lit cigarette now and it feels so alien to think I used to have a twenty a day habit. It was well ingrained too – I started having a sneaky ciggie or two in my early teens and by the time I reached adulthood it was a pretty deep seated habit. So it’s ten years since I quit, and do you want to know how much willpower that took..? None. None at all.
I know, it makes no sense to me either. I read Allan Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking in one sitting, cover to cover in one day, smoked my last cigarette when the book told me to, and I’ve never smoked another. I never had a single craving, after more than twenty five years of smoking. Picture my face when I realised he’d written a book on losing weight, I was beyond excited…I pretty much broke the land speed record to get to the bookshop and hand over my cash. Read the whole book in one sitting and…nothing. Read it again, just to make sure…still nothing. Bloody thing had no impact on me whatsoever. I was gutted.
So it seems that there isn’t any kind of formula which cracks the willpower code every time. I mean I’m doing ok – better than ok, I’m doing great – now. But it’d be nice to be able to have some sort of guarantee, you know? Some certainty, that I’ll shimmy into Skinny town this time next year having had no curve balls come hurtling out of left field to knock me out of the sweet spot…no struggles to get back in. Some kind of formula to apply like a sunscreen to keep me protected from the asshole and other as yet unidentified foes would be amazing. But I get it – life doesn’t work like that, right?
And you know what else..? I’m kind of glad it doesn’t. I feel like I’m really having to work at this. I’m putting in the hard yards. Examining every thought, every feeling…picking at loose threads and sewing them down tight in the hope that if I touch wood and whistle they won’t unravel ever again. When I look back at the way I quit smoking, it feels too easy. I mean don’t get me wrong, I could never go back to the evil weed but equally I don’t feel any sense of pride or achievement for managing to quit. By some miracle, it happened but I don’t feel like I can take the credit.
This, on the other hand…when I get to Skinny town I want to wear every bruise that the asshole leaves behind like a badge of honour. I want to be able to run my fingers across every scar, from every hard-won battle. And that sense of achievement..? I want that too. I don’t think I can carry the scars or the bruises unless I’ve earned them.
That’s what’ll help me cash in my chips and stay there permanently. Let’s carry on doing the work 🙂
Hi
I have thought a lot about what several of the posse have stated about -with another addiction, you quit, never to have another or do it again and we still have to eat. What I decided to do was turn it around in my head. How LUCKY are we that we still get to eat?! I love to eat….
Yes me too…but it needs to be eating and counting for me now, I’ve got my head around the fact I can’t do one without the other 🙂 Mind you, knowing that and doing it aren’t necessarily the same thing right?!
Hi Dee- I found your blog through Sean Anderson and I’ve been a long time lurker; now, a first time commenter. I wish you the best and I truly enjoy your posts and the Posse you’ve collected. I started my journey to Skinny Town in late 2012 at 200 lbs. I’ve made it to 150; then back up to 160 and am hovering around 155 as I write this. I turn 50 next year and weight loss after 45 has been a slow going battle. But I push forward and I want that healthy BMI designation (which would put me at 140-145). When I started, I read everything I could find about how to keep it off. (This is the third time in my life that I’ve lost more than 30 lbs and I want it to be the last.) Honestly, there wasn’t/isn’t a whole lot out there about keeping it off. I have learned that, for me, the way I eat to lose is almost the same as I’m willing to eat to stay at goal weight. Anyway…one of the most interesting things I’ve learned about willpower is that it’s like a muscle; it can be strengthened over time, but it can also be fatigued. That’s why saying no at the grocery store when the “off plan” food whispers to us may be easier than saying no over and over again when the “off plan” food is in the cupboard yelling at us during weak times (my willpower is most fatigued between 7 pm and bedtime). Other things I’ve learned are that (like Sean), I’ve had to let go of all processed sugars. Support– like the blogs and meetings are a great help and I find that when I read the blogs or go to meetings, willpower gets a boost. When I isolate, willpower is a little more tired/unreliable. Keep up the good work and thanks for your positive voice in the blog world.
What a lovely note, thank you…and welcome to the comments thread! I have fallen in love with the concept of a fatigued willpower, that’s such a great way of describing it…and absolutely true. I’m glad that you enjoy our company, and it’s great to know you’re with the rest of us on this journey. I’m toying with the idea of letting go of the processed sugars but I’m not quite there yet and ready to commit. Things are going ok for me so far so maybe that’s something for next time I need to kick it up a notch! D x
I never smoked, but I will tell you how I finally arrived to “Skinny Town.” Two years ago, I was on the brink of becoming medical disaster. My blood sugar was out of wack, although I was not diagnose with diabetes, I had a hard time regulating it. I was tired all the time and depressed. I knew my weight was contributing, so I decided I had to do something, but I honestly didn’t have a plan or even much desire. So, January 1, 2014 I started to go to the gym and did my own thing to lose weight. Six weeks later and I lost a whopping 7 lbs. So I hired a trainer. That worked well for me for a couple weeks until I broke my thumb. That pretty much derailed me for several months and then I was busy and had a lot of excuses. My trainer was in the US Army National Guard and was gone for the month of June. Then in July, she went on vacation, so I got a new trainer and I loved him. But I was still fighting about the nutrition. While he worked with me, I did lose about 28 lbs, but I was still fat. Then, on November 30, 2015, he died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was devastated. He was 24 years old and I was 45 and playing games. His death propelled me to change my life completely. The first year was a lot of mind games, the second year has been all about focus and determination. Losing someone you care about can have he same effect as your reading Allan Carr’s book.
I’m so sorry about your friend. He would be very proud of what you’ve achieved Tracy.D x
I was a smoker, too. I stopped for seven long years in my thirties and then after one cigarette I was buying a carton by the end of the week. I thought I would NEVER be free, but I kept at it. It took another THREE YEARS before I had my last one, and still… if I walk by someone smoking a cigarette at a certain time, I’ll ask for a drag. Boy, does it hit me! But I’ve never gone back, because I realized that if I did, they would kill me, and I wanted to be around for a long time.
It’s been awhile, but I’m still here, and glad to be free of tobacco. Unfortunately, we all still need to eat every day, but I have found that if I stay away from my triggers, I can manage food, too. (That would be sugar especially, and high carbs in particular). 🙂
That’s the problem I guess…with any other addiction you can completely stop but with food you can’t. But I get comfort from hearing about people who’ve learned to manage long-standing triggers…if they can, I can!
Outstanding think piece – I did quit smoking and it was not easy but nothing like food. You stop and it’s over. You don’t do that anymore. You can’t stop eating LOL
That said – I agree so wholeheartedly – MINE MINE MINE
My journey
My scars
My choices
Right there with you sisters!!!!!!
Hell yeah!
Hear hear! This time around, it’s not like when i got a physiological ailment (dare i say, acute depression) several years back, & became a skinny non-smoker with a sense of mild surprise – “huh. how did that happen?” It was not an easy 12 weeks, I didn’t take any pride or much interest in the weight loss.
This time it’s MINE. I treasure it. I plan, & I track stuff. Thanks to a beneficent Providence there are mutual support networks that bolster & challenge my ‘will power’ all along the way. Ah, there’s so much I am thankful for. -Fleury
Yep, oh lookie lookie what do we have here…ah yes, one of them there support networks! Me, I’d have been under the wheels of the naughty train weeks and weeks ago if not for you guys 🙂