One of the advantages of being curious about the world in general, and interested in how other folk manage to get – and keep – their shit together, is that there is a wealth of ideas out there about what works and what doesn’t. Some of them are offered up as irrefutable fact, some are just abstract ideas which kind of plant a seed in your head and you can ponder it yourself and start to form a view, and at this time of year particularly there are lots of lists…’the top ten ways to…’ kind of thing, you know the score.
Some of the absolute gems come from people you know who just appear to have it all effortlessly going on – although don’t forget that appearances can be a bit deceptive. One of the most put-together people I thought I knew totally left me hanging when I tried paying her a compliment by telling her how much I admired her. I don’t mean in a weirdo stalker-ish kind of way, I mean I just mentioned in passing that I wished I could emulate the way she dealt with things. Big mistake.
Before I had chance to catch my breath she started unloading all the reasons why she was the wrong person to regard as a role model – picture me standing there, catching all these reasons one by one, as though I’m holding an armful of groceries without a basket to put them in…I felt like a right numpty, I mean what do you say? Cue awkward moment where I wished I’d kept my mouth shut to start with and realisation dawned on her that perhaps she’d over-shared instead of just accepting the compliment.
It did make me think though, about what goes on under the surface you know? The way in which we’re regarded by the world in general isn’t based just on how we look but also on what we choose to show of our character – and to be fair, if you invest time in portraying yourself in a certain light but then shoot the illusion down in flames when someone calls it out, it kind of defeats the object, the above example being a case in point. I’d be more likely to fist-pump the air at the fact I’d pulled off my impersonation of someone cool, calm and in control.
Do you think there’s a direct correlation between what we know and like about ourselves, and the self we choose to share with the outside world? I do…it’s definitely true in my case. I’d love to be able to say that I’m always authentic and honest in the way I interact with other people but if I scratch the surface, I’m so not.
The things about myself that I like, I’ll share freely and openly ’till the cows come home. But it’s a different matter altogether when it comes to revealing things about myself that I don’t like, or which I think don’t present the impression of me that I want people to have. The things I feel ashamed of, or guilty about, or which are character flaws that I wish I didn’t have..? These things you’re likely to find me trying to bury under the patio in the dead of night in the hope that nobody will ever see…or think harshly of me because of them.
And how strange is it that on here, I feel like I can say that freely and yet some of my closest friends wouldn’t know that about me..? I suspect it’s because I think about you guys as my support system, you know? You’re helping me be the best version possible of the authentic me, so it’s ok that you know…after all, I can’t change what I don’t acknowledge, right?
More food for thought 🙂
