I was catching up with a good friend this morning and we were comparing our respective dieting progress in the way that only two fat people can. Do you know what I mean when I say that? I mean, sure you can talk to a skinny string bean friend about how it’s going, and they can nod along, and understand it on an intellectual level – you’re eating less, and trying to move more in the hope that you’ll eventually be able to wear pants which are only expected to accommodate a pair of legs and a bum, instead of holding it in, hoisting it up and making you look at least two sizes smaller than the reality. Your skinny friends will undoubtedly listen, support and encourage but they can’t understand.
Anyway, during the course of our conversation, my friend talked abut something that I’d never really thought about before – she reckons that one of her colleagues at work is doing her level best to actually sabotage her diet. I was outraged of course, on her behalf and I’m sure this woman’s ears must have been burning, wherever she was. But fancy that, someone who would actively look to find ways to make the wheels come off your diet…what an arse! But you know what, now I’ve had my eyes opened to the concept, I can think of someone I used to know who did exactly the same thing.
When I say sabotage, I don’t mean someone who waits until you’re out of the room and quickly lifts the lid of your sandwich to spread an extra layer of butter…it’s a bit more subtle than that. But someone sitting back and observing, making all the right noises whilst getting to know your achilles heel, and then going out of their way to put temptation bang in your path. That’s what I’m talking about. I started thinking about the reasons why someone might do that, because it just strikes me as a really mean thing to do. Insecurities of their own maybe? Fear that you might end up skinnier than them, or maybe they just don’t like the attention that you’re getting…? Hard to tell.
When I think back to the girl I used to hang out with when our boys were small, who, the more I think about it was an out and out diet saboteur, I remember she was always really supportive in the early stages of my latest diet but once the weight started to shift, so did her attitude. It’s like she didn’t like the idea that I was actually going to succeed and go all the way. I wouldn’t even begin to understand her motivation for doing that but even though twenty odd years has passed between then and now, I’d love to go back and ask her.
Her modus operandi was to tell me how good I was looking – even though I was more often than not still at least 40lbs overweight – and challenge whether I really wanted to lose any more..? Perhaps I should have a break for a while and just maintain, after all I was starting to look a bit drawn. You’ve done so well…have some cake. Of course the asshole in my mind was on it like a car bonnet and between the two of them I caved pretty much every time. I think there’s something about stopping before you get to your target weight or size which makes you less inclined to feel the sense of achievement which might just help you stay in that golden place. So I’d linger in the suburbs of Skinny Town for ten minutes and then hop on the gravy train back to Mooseville. My responsibility of course, but her and the asshole were definitely partners in crime.
It’s a weird feeling to think someone might be deliberately engineering a situation to make you fail. That said, being aware of dieting torpedoes in any shape of form isn’t necessarily a bad thing…it’s just another tool to keep me on my toes. I’m blessed that everybody around me this time are really rooting for me to succeed…but ask me again 100lbs from now ok?
