Daily Archives: November 14, 2015

Hug Your People Close Today

Biggest struggles, ,

France

As I sit down with my morning coffee to write today’s post I just can’t find it in myself to be my usual bright, breezy and curious self having woken up to the tragic and senseless news coming out of France this morning. It’s hard to make sense of something I just don’t understand, and when I think about how much I wrestle with the relatively uncomplicated issues which make my wheels wobble one way or the other, comprehending what lies beneath something of this magnitude isn’t something I can even hope to wrap my head around.

All I know is I want to hug all my important people close today and tell them just how much they are loved. It makes me more determined than ever to wring every last drop of joy and hope  out of this life, chase down every dream and fulfil everything I hope to achieve. Make a difference where I can, and embrace every opportunity that I’m lucky enough to be given. Life is precious, and I hope that the despicable bastards who took all those lives yesterday, or were in cahoots with, or in support of those who did, see only a strengthening of the human spirit.

It reminds me of a very dark time in my own life. In my early thirties I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and there was a period of time, maybe eight weeks or so between two of the surgeries I needed where nobody could tell me whether or not it was too advanced to treat. I’m here to tell you that you work through an awful lot of shit in your mind when you’re staring your own mortality right between the eyes. Most of my thoughts of course were about my boy. Who would love him as much as I did, watch him grow into a man…always have his back and be in his corner no matter what. God, the tears are flowing freely even as I write this, just remembering how that felt.

Thoughts turned also to the regrets I had about my life at that point. It’s worth noting that all those regrets centred not around any of the really daft stuff I’d done in my life, or mistakes I’d made…every one of them related to missed opportunities that I hadn’t grabbed with both hands because I was too busy, or too scared of how it might turn out, or just too ready to believe that I had all the time in the world. It’s the biggest cliche to say that some three years later, when I could breathe easily again knowing that I’d won the fight, the grass seemed greener, the sky bluer and the air lighter and sweeter than ever. But it’s true.

My thoughts today are with all the people personally affected by what happened yesterday. In honour of them, my determination to live the richest life I can is renewed. It’s rare that I make two posts in one day, but in addition to the scheduled post, I wanted to reach out and send love, support and gratitude to everyone in our BOTSG community…for me, it’s that kind of day x

Like it..? Tell your friends!
 

My Round Tuits.

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now,

tuitWhen I was little, I thought round tuits were real things…my mother seemed to hold them in really high esteem, in fact it seemed like they were her answer to everything. Whenever she wanted to do something, or had something she needed fixing, or a job she needed sorting she mentioned that she was going to get one, to the point where this mystical thing seemed like it held the promise of greatness. Obviously the illusion was shattered when I realised that what it actually meant was ‘I’m going to pull my finger out of my bum and get on with stuff’.

As it happens, I’ve got several round tuits of my own stacked up in a holding pattern, and it’s dawned on me that now I’m officially more than halfway through my allocated life slot, I’d better get a wriggle on. I’ve talked before, in the post ‘Waiting to be Skinny’ about putting things on hold because I wanted to enjoy them without the distraction of being fat, but there are some things where being fat wouldn’t distract from the enjoyment – rather the opposite in fact, the enjoyment in what I’m doing would more than likely distract my attention away from the fat suit.

There’s a programme on TV at the moment called The Great Pottery Throw Down, which is basically The Great British Bake Off but instead of baking stuff they’re making stuff out of clay. It reminded me that I’ve always fancied having a go at making something on a potter’s wheel – I think I first took a liking to the idea when Demi Moore got her groove on with the delicious Mr Swayze in the film Ghost, but whilst her potter’s wheel looked like it totally belonged in a fabulous loft apartment in New York, as a teenager I could never quite imagine how I’d pull it off in my mum’s lounge in West Yorkshire.

Anyway, I digress – despite the lack of a gorgeous half naked man providing an extra pair of hands, I was reminded how much fun it looked so this is one of my round tuits that I’m going to blow the dust off and explore. I’ve made a small note to myself not to get carried away – I do have a tendency to get a bit too enthusiastic about stuff, and if I’m not careful I’ll get to the end of the weekend and find that I’ve won a kiln and three tons of clay on eBay.

Learning to sail is another one of my round tuits, although I suspect that’s best left on the shelf until I’m in a position to nip out of Skinny Town for lessons on the weekend…being fit and active is kind of a prerequisite for that one and wearing a life jacket on top of the fat suit might be a bit much.

You know what else I had..? Writing. Imagine that. A round tuit that just happened after north of thirty years on the round tuit shelf.  And I’ve got to be honest, it’s proved to be an amazing way of taking my head into a different place. I’ve found myself looking around beyond the end of my own nose, for things to chat to you guys about, as well as tipping out various thoughts and feelings for forensic examination. I’m loving the process and bless you for indulging me by reading the words and offering up thoughts of your own. Ironically, writing about being fat sort of takes my mind off the fact that I am fat…go figure!

So I’ve shared mine…out of curiosity, what are yours..?

Like it..? Tell your friends!