So I think we’ve established by now that I have a fat-girl mindset. Even during those golden periods in my life when I’ve managed to shed the pounds and do a fair impression of being a skinny girl. I’ve never stayed skinny long enough for it to really get inside my psyche and I’ve certainly never felt like a skinny girl from the inside out. Not that I’ve recognised that before of course, but then it’s not the first time either that the process of tipping out my head spam like a collection of lipsticks, fluff and crumbs from the bottom of an old handbag for examination and discussion with you guys has helped me to shine a light on things I’ve never considered before.
Something that skinny string beans do, that I’ve never done is to leave food on my plate. Just the thought of it fills me with horror…I mean, why would I? I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum…you’re far more likely to catch me licking the plate than leaving anything on it. Which would, I’m sure, prompt a skinny string bean to throw me exactly the same look of bewilderment that I’d give her for leaving half a pork chop and a dollop of bread sauce…or worst still, a roast potato, I mean that’s practically a criminal offence.
We’ve talked before about my broken ‘full filter’ and the fact that I don’t know when to stop but that’s a bit different…leaving something on your plate is something people offer up as a strategy to manage their weight. Come on, that’s like torture with every meal! So I’m eating something I’m really enjoying…I’ve done the mental calculations, I reckon I’ve got maybe eight mouthfuls left. I’m crafting my final approach, what’s going on the fork with what..what morsel can I use to mop up the gravy..? What’s the best big bit for the last grains of rice to cling to…it’s all planned like a military operation, and yet you want me to lay down my knife and fork now?? And leave the rest..? Why would I do that??
That’s like living in a world where you walk away from every meal feeling cheated. It’s the scenario with my cheesy bugle playing on a loop, at every meal time. No matter which way up I look at it, I just don’t get it. Other strategies I understand…use a smaller plate? Yes I can see the benefit of that. Cook just the right amount so you don’t have the opportunity to overload…yes, I get that too. But cook it, enjoy it and leave it when you’re not actually in danger of bursting at the seams…no no no no!
Not only have I always finished everything on my own plate, many’s the time I’ve found myself flirting with the leftovers on everyone else’s plate too, especially when my son was little. Stuff he didn’t eat like a fish finger here, or a handful of fries there never made it as far as the dog’s bowl or the bin…somewhere between clearing the table and stacking the plates I’d find myself hoovering up whatever was left. My friend had the same issues but she was more disciplined than I was, even back then…she would encourage her son to tip pepper over the food he left on his plate to stop her picking at his leftovers. I always thought that was a great idea, I just never told my boy in case he actually did it.
It’s hardly surprising that an aversion to leaving food is hardwired into my DNA, if you’ve read my blog from the beginning and you saw the post Born Chewing you’ll have some idea of the relationship I formed with food from a very early age…that photo of me demonstrates more than words ever could how finishing every morsel of food was considered something to celebrate. But I’ve spent the last thirty odd years since reaching adulthood sidestepping every opportunity to unplug my wires and untangle them. I’m trying to do that now.
Smaller portions, yes. Better food choices, yes. Leaving food on the plate..? It’ll never happen 🙂
