One of the benefits that I’m finding in writing all my mixed up thoughts down and pulling them into the kind of order that makes it possible for other people to read, is the clarity I’m uncovering for myself. I’ve never approached this as a ‘Dear Diary’ blog given that I doubt anyone but me would be remotely interested in the general titter and shit of my life – I’ve tried to take the seed of an idea in each post and kind of kick it about out loud so I understand where I land with my perspective.
That seems to be switching on a few lightbulbs as we go along…for me as much as anyone. And it’s good to take one thought at a time, and really dissect it. A bit like when they used to make you chop up a frog in the science lab at school so you could see what was inside, just a bit less messy. So following on from me identifying my big hairy audacious skinny goal, I need to unpick some of the habits that could make the wheels come off. After all, any good strategy needs to keep sight of the likely bumps in the road in order to plan for them, right? In the context of dieting where broken choices and bad habits have gotten me into this mess, I need to be able to call out the difference between routine, and habit.
I guess for me, routine is the framework of my life. I get up, I go to work, I come home…I take care of my mum, feed the dog, hang out with my boy…all those things are fairly routine because they need to happen to keep life ticking along. I suppose there’s no such thing as a good or a bad routine, sure some are more fun than others but they’re fairly easy to change if they’re not working for you. Habits are something different. In my mind, I see habits as the angels or demons that live within your routine…they’re either rootin’ for you or pulling against you. And where bad habits are concerned, the asshole in my mind is right behind the wheel.
Told you he operated by stealth didn’t I..? I think it was Zig Ziglar who said that all bad habits start slowly and gradually and before you know you have the habit, the habit has you…that’s so true. Trouble is, some of these bad habits are destructive, yet comforting at the same time, you know? Think about it. I get in from work, knackered..long day, busy busy busy…hauling 300lbs of body around equates to not much energy left, aching back, swollen feet. I look forward all day to climbing into pyjamas, sinking into the armchair with the dog on my knee and eating something (or several somethings) as I watch TV and relax.
And yet. That’s one of the worst habits I have that I need to break. I know that…it’s not doing me any good. Being completely sedentary in my down-time is not encouraging my buns to shrink and although I’m in the sweet spot and I’m completely in control of my food choices, this is where the asshole is still in control of the route map. But from where I’m standing right now, I don’t want to break that habit – there. I’ve said it. I look forward to that moment all day long! What I want, is to want to want to break the habit…and therein lies the rub. That’s a different thing altogether.
Let me chew on that a bit longer. I have some thoughts, and I’ll write more tomorrow. And if anyone cares to share what helped them want to want to change something they didn’t want to change I’m all ears 🙂
