I can’t believe I’ve just spent 5 minutes searching for a nice colourful picture of some cupcakes on line, and my mouth is actually watering! That’s ridiculous but then I guess that’s what 6 weeks on a diet will do for you eh?!
So I’ve already talked a bit this week about my issue with portion control and not having a working full-filter. It goes beyond that though. Something in me hesitates to label myself as greedy because that word has so many negative connotations, in fact I can’t think of a single context in which it could be used positively. But lets imagine I was hauled in front of a judge who had to make a ruling on that very issue. I put it to you M’lud that this woman, (points at me) is greedy. I think I’d be on dodgy ground. “Having an excessive desire or appetite for food” is one definition of the word and shit, look already my defense is crumbling, I mean how can I argue with that? I do have an excessive desire for food, I can’t lie.
Now, whether it’s as a fat girl or a skinny girl, if you put that plate of cakes in front of me, I’m not stopping at one. One of my colleagues has just come back from holiday this week, and she brought cupcakes in for the team. How lovely. But seriously, you should have seen the size of these things…they were cupcakes the size of thimbles. Now obviously I passed, because I’m in a good place at the moment, both feet still planted firmly in the sweet spot and my face is a cake-free zone. But I’m here to tell you even I felt cheated and I wasn’t even having one.
I watched in fascination as one of my friends at work picked one out of the box carefully and popped it in her mouth, made all the right noises…apparently it was ‘melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous’ (kill me now) and then carried on with her work. Like that whole rest of the box of tiny cakes wasn’t still there in all their delicate melt-in-the-mouth gorgeousness, right next to her desk. I mean that’s not normal, right? It was tiny. And she just ate one. And then moved on and forgot about the box. Wtf..? WHO DOES THAT!!
Me, in the 3 milliseconds it took me to inhale the lemon one, I’d have been planning which one I was going for next. Wondering whether the colour of the frosting made a difference to the taste. If for some reason I wasn’t able to take a second one but there were cupcakes left in the box, they would have tortured me for as long as they remained in my eye line. Now, is that greedy, or is it something else? Greedy feels like a dirty word somehow, but is that what I am?
I don’t think so…but I’m…something. And I think it’s a question I need to answer before I can be confident that I’ve really got this down, you know?
