So, at the risk of sounding very unkind I have to tell you about a haircut I saw last night whilst I was out of town. Yes, I know, each to their own, live and let live, we’re all entitled to our own sense of style…I get that but you know that way where sometimes something tickles you to the point where every time you think about it you get the urge to grin? Well this did it for me.
The evening had not started well. It had been a long day, a very early start and I’d been on my feet all afternoon manning a stand at the conference, so I had an achy back, my feet were killing me and the last thing I felt like doing was hosting a table at the gala dinner. I should further set the scene by telling you that having walked the 300 yards from the hotel to the venue rather more quickly than I would normally, due to a light drizzle of rain and no umbrella, I arrived feeling out of breath, sweaty from the exertion and with damp hair which had kinked a little more with every step I took and which I knew within an hour would look like I’d somehow managed to have a really bad perm between the appetiser and the main course. The asshole in my head was having a ball, as you might expect.
So it’s fair to say as I stood holding my glass of champagne at the drinks reception I may have been smiling on the outside but on the inside I was a woman on the edge. And then I saw it. That haircut. And in spite of myself I started to feel better.
If I had to describe it to you (which clearly I do since you weren’t there) all I can liken it to is one of those little plastic lego men – they always had thick immobile plastic hair plonked on top of their little plastic heads, do you remember..? Well, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there was a little plastic stalk fixing this hair to the bloke. It was really thick and dark with a full but very short fringe, sideburns which weren’t made of face fur but actual hair which had been grown down the sides of his face in front of his ears, and the whole thing had been finished off with a kind of wind tunnel/superglue effect.
Thing is, it didn’t get that way by accident you know? It must have taken a serious investment of time and a mountain of hair gel, and that young guy genuinely thought he looked like the mutt’s nuts. Which led me to thinking. It’s not really about what you look like – it’s about the way you feel. That hair, no word of a lie, was ridiculous. But that dude was working it! And I kind of had a light-bulb moment…an epiphany if you will.
If you believe the asshole in your mind when he tells you that you look ridiculous, even if you don’t, you will feel ridiculous, you’ll believe everyone else thinks you look ridiculous, and your confidence will be shattered. But you can totally get away with actually looking ridiculous if you feel like a million dollars on the inside. Imagine being blessed with an asshole in your mind who tells you good things like his obviously did…Dude, you look awesome! That hairstyle is a babe-magnet for sure…they’ll be falling at your feet tonight, go on my son, work it…
Of course when the young guy has a few more years under his belt and looks back on the photos from last night he’ll cringe and wonder what on earth possessed him, but in his head, last night, he was the MAN.
Can anyone tell me how I swap my asshole for one who says good things..?
Hah! Love it! Love the comments. Love the incredible kinship – your ‘voice’ is ringing sympathetic notes on us all.
So, when i was 13, the known world was wallpapered with thin, fay, fashion-savvy girls (you know i had to Google “Liver Birds” ). 2 years of increased torment, but my twin & i were seasoned veterans of the home wars, fat daughters of a beautiful mother. Then came the hippy age – untailored, unpainted, unpermed, uninhibited. We could tell we were on the right path, because it freaked our parents out. My thighs still made my corduroys sing like the chorus in Carmen, & wore holes in a pair of inappropriate places. But i cared a lot less.
We were fat in junior high, & not on the popular register in high school. & i’ve lived my adult life either In The Sweet Spot or striving to get back there, or straining to remember what it had felt like.
Yet, thanks to an accident of history i was blessed to have a vacation from accepted standards of feminine attractiveness.
FleuryKnox
It’s all about confidence isn’t it! If you believe you look great then you can carry it off, if you set off thinking that your dress is a bit tight or it’s too short after all or you didn’t realise how fat it makes your arms look then unless you get blind drunk you feel self conscious all night and can’t wait for it to be over.
My worst nightmare is buying tights I hope will fit, putting them on, breathing a sigh of relief, getting to the venue then realising that the waistband is slipping down and before too long the crotch has moved too and the realisation dawns that they weren’t the right size after all. An evening spent surreptitiously trying to hoist them up and failing requiring several visits to the loo causing your companions to wonder if you’ve cystitis or the runs again is a total nightmare.
Urgh, I can’t remember the last time I wore a frock, so tights are an unnecessary garment in my armoury! It’s black pants all the way for me, I have dress up ones, dress down ones and arse hanging out ones…a pair for every possible eventuality!
That’s actually a pretty powerful revelation.
I see it in my kids – my older two have always battled their inner assholes.
My youngest? She fakes it till she makes it no matter what – and just enjoys everything to the utmost without thinking of how others view her.
And sometimes I tell you the girl looks ridiculous but she feels CERTAIN that she is the bees’ knees
Good for her…I hope it stays with her always! D x
It’s like the girls from high school, walking in to class like they weren’t terrified of it being the wrong room. Some people just aren’t plagued, and it ain’t fair. I have ALWAYS wanted to be one of those confident carefree girls, who didn’t give a flying fart about who thought what. Being fat seriously puts a dent in the old self-confidence anyway, and I have heard it said that even when people get skinny, they are still plagued. I find that hard to believe, yet I was thin in high school and….was my own worse enemy. As the mom of 11 daughters, I have to be careful, as I see the tendencies in some of them to be so self conscious, and honestly, they are beautiful….I KNOW I have to battle the A-hole within, because it’s not just food that’s the “enemy”. Oh, and thank you for sharing, I really really like your blog:)
Della
Hi Della, my confidence exists on the same sliding scale as my weight…I’m a confident skinny and I can put on a good impression of a confident fat girl, but only one of them is real…I’d like to think that nobody could tell the difference, but I know..! And thank you, I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog 🙂 D x
I am very aware of how much my own inner peace (or lack of it) makes me feel in public. I have been reading your posts (you have a great style) and enjoying them very much. I also want you to know that there’s at least one person in the Pacific Northwest who is cheering you on and giving the asshole a raspberry after every post! 🙂
Ah that’s great to know – thanks so much for your support and your kind words Djan. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to know that we have power in numbers and a growing support system. You rock! D x
I would have loved to have seen that haircut. This reminds me of a recent business trip in June. My employer does not pay for a rental car, so it was walk, walk, walk, which was totally ok. Parking in St. Pete’s Beach, FL is a challenge anyway. But, the day the thunderstorm hit when I was walking to the cocktail party and did not have an umbrella. I can only tell you that both my hair and my dress got “damp”, if you will and I looked a bit crazy.
Oh no, nightmare!
This makes me think of times when I have got a bad hairdresser and a terrible haircut, it makes me cringe thinking about it. I admire that guys confidence and hope he always has it. That look is in here lol.
Well if it catches on Joan, it might be in here too!
Things got a whole lot better for me when i simply told the voice in my head that if i wouldn’t let anyone say that to a friend, i wouldn’t let me say it to me, either. And i stuck to it. And now, the voice in my head stays quiet or says nice things.
At first, every time a negative thought came up, i sounded the imaginary air horn in my head and said, no, voice in my head, i would never let someone say that to a friend of mine, you cannot say it to me.
After a while, it obeyed.
Ok…gotta be worth a try, right?
Have you read “10 percent happier”? It’s all about how to shut off the gremlin inside. I haven’t exactly managed to hit the mute button after reading it but it did give me good food for thought and it’s not one of those “grow your own yoghurt”, preachy books.
Hi, no I haven’t seen that…I’ll hunt it down though if you think it’s good 🙂
I do. It’s written by a newscaster who had an on air panic attack and what it took to get his life back in gear.
‘Grow your own yoghurt’ preachy books – that made me laugh! Will have to look for it