Well this was a turn up for the books…I’ve just had my first experience of being trolled! I’ve gotta be honest it took me by surprise, because I’ve had nothing but really lovely positive and supportive feedback since I started writing the blog. When I settle down to check email it’s usually with a wide smile and a mindset where I’m ready to fill up my tank with happy, which is definitely the best diet-fuel ever. And yet, here it was, an email choc full of sarcasm and negativity. I did a classic double-take and my first thought was “who taught the asshole in my head how to pick up a pen“!
Now, I have to say I might have taken it more seriously if the person writing it had 1) been able to spell the majority of those nasty words correctly, and 2) thought about the fact that submitting an email instead of a comment shows a return email address *DUH* but in actual fact it inspired a complete fit of the giggles…and I’m still laughing 🙂
Not that I wish in any way to dignify the email with a response but oh you SO know I’m going to…
Dear Anonymous (or, AKSteele1@…)
Thank you for your kind note which I received this morning. I realise that making me smile was not your intention, however congratulations on the unintended consequence of you being a dumbass.
I don’t happen to share your opinion that I’m insulting people of size by using the word ‘fat’ – I’m a down to earth Yorkshire girl and to be honest I call it as I see it. I don’t expect people to tiptoe around me and use expressions like ‘a lady of size’. There’s room for two normal people inside my pants and the last time I looked that qualified me as being fat. Being fat bothers me, a lot, but not as much as being patronised by folk using politically correct phrases designed to say the same thing but without using the ‘F’ word. I’m fat, not stupid and no matter how you dress it up, it is what it is. But I can appreciate how it may look to a stupid person, so whilst you took great pains to reassure me that you are in fact not fat in any way, I must therefore assume that you’re stupid and I apologise if you are offended.
In response to your comment about me thinking I’m so clever. Well, I am. I can touch the tip of my nose with the end of my tongue…bet you can’t do that. Bet you’re trying to right now though aren’t you?
I’m a little unclear as to how I’m exploiting large people to make money. However, I must confess to a love of Chanel handbags, so if you know something that I don’t I’d be grateful for any tips you can give me in this regard.
In respect of you not being surprised that I’m single – well. I’m not quite sure how to respond to that. I’m not sure either that ‘a damn good seeing to’ would assist my weight loss journey in any way, but just in case there was an offer to provide some kind of service hidden behind your comment, I fear I must decline. I’m appreciative obviously, we fat girls have to get it where we can, but I suspect it may be some time since you encountered soap, and I have an aversion to body odour – don’t take it personally, I’m just funny like that.
Anyway, much as I’d love to linger and chat, that life that you suggested I go and get? I’m heading off there now. It might not be perfect, but it gets nearer to perfect every day. Can’t wait to tell the posse about your email – they’ll be just as amused as I was. You’re a gift that keeps on giving my friend…keep up the good work, y’hear?
Fond regards, Dee x
What d’y’all think, posse? Reckon old AK’ll be back? 🙂
AHHH!! Oh my gosh. I have no words except you’re awesome!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Don’t let the buggers get you down. No matter how slowly you’re running you are moving faster than the troll sat on his chair spitting venom at those trying to better themselves.
Good on you chick.
Thanks Warren!Lovely to see you in the blog!
Hi! I just found your blog today and this post was listed on your side bar as a top rated, so I clicked to see what’s going on. This one post has won me over and I can’t wait to read the rest of your blog. I love your style! Keep being snarky, you’re quite good at it!
P.S. I’m a fatty mcbutterpants who is trying to lost quite a bit of weight and I’ve been “seen to” plenty of times… hasn’t been the magic pill though. 🙂
Have a great day!
Hi Colleen, welcome to the posse! I appreciate the lovely feedback and it’s great to have you along for the journey. I shall think of you as Colleen McButterpants which is quite possibly the best most fabulous name E.V.E.R. We’re all fat here, but mostly on the road to skinny town, or at least that’s what we’ve collectively put into the sat nav. Hope you enjoy the blog 🙂
heeheehee. Checking out yr post on troll was pure morbid fascination – predictably repulsive ‘contributor’ rendered into another good post!
Can i be in the posse? p.s. this asshat is so NOT about p.c.
Of COURSE you can be in the posse! You are more than welcome – you might need to be available to run asshole suggestions out of town from time to time, and generally throw your weight around in dealing with any further trolls but if you’re up for the challenge, you’re in! Dee x
Huh! You’re knocking ’em out just fine. Cheering section…. FK
Perfect! Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m so over all this political correctness lately. It is what it is, FAT! That’s what I call myself because that is what I’m carrying around.
Exactly!
You are fabulous!
Well thank you, much appreciated 🙂
Oh my gosh, you made me LOL! I’ll never understand why someone would choose to berate someone over the internet, but I guess it takes all kinds. Your response was great. This is my first time reading your blog (I found you over at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser blog roll), but I’ll be back.
Hi Carol, welcome to the Posse! I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog and you’re very welcome…there’s nowt stranger than folk as we say here in Yorkshire! X
Great post! Trolls are fun. It means you’re doing something right. Kudos.
Thank you!
You are my hero! 🙂 A perfect response to a perfectly ridiculous asshole! I haven’t had any trolls yet, but I hope if I do get one, I have the words (and the nerve!) to respond the way you did.
Thanks Julie! How funny eh? I’m still chuckling 🙂
Heeheehee! Love your answer! If you can’t say something nice, Thumper, don’t say nothin’ at all!
Yep that’s what my mama taught me too!
De-lurking again to say…..Wow! Just, wow! And I can’t believe you turned down a good seeing to!! lol
I think this means you’ve arrived. Go You!! 😀
Ha ha, honestly how I chuckled! The ‘good seeing to’ was me paraphrasing a very rude suggestion which would have made everyone blush! 🙂
Morning ladies…thank you all for the lovely feedback…bet old AJ’ll choking on his cornflakes if he bothers to come back in and find that we’re not collectively outraged by his attempt to wound…silly arse!! 🙂
*snort* ‘damn good seeing to’
bahahahahahah!
I think the asshole in your head can probably at least spell 😉
Oh my gosh, what a perfect response! I doubt AK will be back.
You are such a talented writer, Dee. Keep up the great work!
Julie C.
?
Thank you 🙂 🙂
Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate… ? Love your blog and I think you’re hilarious!
Thank so much Marie! 🙂 🙂
Wow!!!! Good reply. I spent most of my adult life being fat, especially the past 12 years or so. My mother was morbidly obese and had gastric bypass surgery to help with her weight loss. I was fat. I’m not afraid to call it fat and I’m never offended by people calling it fat. Fat is what fat is.
I’ve also been lurking here but this requires a comment! You are so right about giving this troll the What For, I wonder why some people think they can mess around with powerful women like you and not get smacked down. I love your letter and hope the troll reads it and takes it to heart. 🙂
Thanks DJan…to be fair he probably has a really really tiny weaner! Just sayin’ 🙂
Yep!