Is that what your closet looks like? No, mine either. *Sigh*. To be fair, wardrobes like this don’t happen to people like me… I do have a really lovely wardrobe, in fact three lovely wardrobes, but it’s complicated. They are bursting at the seams with clothes…skinny clothes. I can’t put my fat clothes in there. Yes, when I say it out loud I appreciate how ridiculous that sounds but I just can’t do it…if my fat clothes were ever to make it across the threshold of my wardrobe, that’s tantamount to admitting that they’re staying, and that would never do, because they’re not. Obviously.
So the fat clothes – you know the ones that have fitted me for the last six years or so – exist in kind of a holding pattern between the wash basket, the ironing pile and my one ‘fat clothes’ drawer. My skinny clothes on the other hand – the ones that fitted me for about ten minutes – have hung undisturbed since the day I sloped out of the skinny zone with my tail between my legs and started eating all the pies.
When I’m skinny, I love to shop. I have a thing about business suits and evening dresses in particular, which is strange in itself, because I have no real cause to wear either. I mean I could go to work in a suit if I wanted to, but the skinny me could probably wear a different one every day for months before I’d worked my way around them all…a lot of them still have the tags on. As for evening dresses, although I’ve probably got a couple of dozen in my skinny wardrobe, I can count on one hand the occasions I’ve actually needed to wear one…I don’t live that life.
Which begs the question, whose life was I actually buying them for? I’m the kind of girl who can’t wait to climb into PJs as soon as I get in from work. Weekends come around, and I love nothing more than kicking back with my family, or having friends around for a few scoops or a nice meal, but dressy black tie functions..? Not for me. It’s never been my thing at all. It’s as if I thought that once I’d hit the skinny zone, this whole new and different world was going to open up and I’d start doing things I’d never enjoyed, and living a lifestyle I’ve never aspired to. Which, when you put it like that makes me sound like a right muppet.
I can’t help thinking that it’s another example of a real mis-fire in the way I think about stuff – skinny equals a glamorous just-stepped-off-the-pages-of-vogue lifestyle, where fat equals jersey pyjamas and a love affair with my armchair. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s a bloody great chair – but there’s absolutely no reason I couldn’t buy skinny pyjamas and kick back and relax in it as a skinny girl…no glamour required, and the real me could dig in to live the life I choose, not the one I think I ought to want.
Perhaps it’s time for a clear out…or maybe I’ll leave them there just a wee while longer…after all, skinny I’m comin’ to get ya 🙂
Skinny clothes are bought in one of those moments when you delude yourself that IF you were skinny, that’s what you’d wear. It strikes me that it’s the same kind of logic that some not very pretty chubby lad or lass applies when they decide to have a tattoo, or 3, they’ve convinced themselves that a real snarky, complicated tatt will improve their looks no end, desirable others won’t see the chubster, they’ll see this glam with-it person WITH A TATTOO yeah. Maybe when that doesn’t work they add in a piercing or two, a belly bar, a half shaved head.
I don’t know if there’s a name for it but it’s the same I’m sure for why we buy clothes that won’t fit, as a sort of promise to ourselves that we will wear them – one day lol. I, too, have a wardrobe bursting with clothes I can’t wear, some still with tags, my day to day clothing is kept in a bedding box and I wear it all un-ironed, well, what’s the point, ironing out the creases won’t make me look any thinner and as everyone is used to seeing Madame Porker they’ll feel it’s hardly worth commenting on the creases when the rest of the package isn’t exactly straight off the catwalk. Heck, they can just look me in the face and have internal sniggers about my crude attempts to have the plucked eyebrow look instead, I haven’t mastered that either!
I’m starting to suspect you and I are leading parallel lives!