Tag Archives: willpower

My Big Fat Skinny Christmas

In the here & now, ,

santa

You know when my boy was little, like parents everywhere I used to get so giddy on Christmas Eve, and those few days over the Christmas period were precious. There’s nothing quite as magical as a little person who believes so completely in Santa Claus. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy Christmas now, of course I do but it’s different. Our family is small, just me and my son, and my mum…to be honest, apart from entertaining the Queen in our living room, Christmas day is just like a normal Sunday with a bit of tinsel thrown in for good measure.

I miss the build-up, you know? Writing letters to Santa, that really fizzy feeling on Christmas Eve…the little traditions we’d created as a family, like always saving sparklers from bonfire night so we could light up the sky to show Santa where we lived, and going to bed in new pyjamas on Christmas Eve. So many special memories. My all time favourite Christmas memory is from the year that my boy really got the Santa Claus thing for the first time, I think it was probably the Christmas before his third birthday and he was so excited.

Having bought and decorated the tree, I was doing that thing where you have a slight re-ordering of the baubles after the kids have gone to bed, since most of them were at three-year-old height and it was a bit sparse at the top. It seemed a bit wobbly, so I went out into the garden to find a really big rock to prop against the base, you know just to steady it a bit. It looked odd, so I wrapped it in Christmas paper…perfect. Except the next morning I found my boy, surrounded by torn bits of Christmas paper with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks, looking at the rock…but Mummy, I asked Santa for a train set…

So these days, it’s mainly about the Christmas dinner, and laughing a lot. My skinny strategy this time has been all about saving points so I could take my foot off a bit, just for today. I did a massive food shop yesterday even though I’m feeding just three of us but the one item conspicuous by it’s absence this year was the Christmas pudding…I didn’t buy one. And because I didn’t, there was no Baileys fresh cream or rum sauce either. I’m the only one who really likes it, and therefore the one who eats it…all of it. You don’t want any..? Oh ok, well it won’t go to waste…and it never did. It went to waist instead…mine!

Chocolates…again, I didn’t buy any of the ones that I usually stuff my face with, like after eight mints, matchmakers, black magic…there are chocolates but nothing that I would cross the road for you know?

I’d like to say that I exercised same restraint with the rest of Christmas lunch…hell no did I chuff! Give me a break, I’m not made of wood…those points I’ve saved up were royally spent on goose-fat laden roasties, pigs in blankets, bread sauce and stuffing. Hallelujah it was glorious. I shall be in a food coma until the middle of next week.

And I survived! I made it work for me, and I don’t feel like I missed out 🙂

I hope wherever you are and whatever Christmas has brought for you, that you’ve made some awesome memories with your special people. Both of mine are snoozing on the sofa right now and I’m just about to go walk off some of those pigs in blankets with the enthusiastic assistance of my furry friend here…lots of love to all of you, and I’ll see you on the other side 🙂

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To Me, With Love From Me

In the here & now, , ,

willpower

I’ve been working from home today – I’m very lucky in that respect, when I have no face to face meetings in my diary the type of work I do means I can be just as productive sitting at the little desk in my kitchen as I am in the office. More so, sometimes – I am blessed with more than my fair share of curiosity and I’m very easily distracted. The minute a juicy conversation unfolds in our office my ears tune in of their own accord and drag me away from whatever I’m working on.

So anyway, I’ve just switched off, and I’ve had a much better day than I’d expected to have. When I came down into the kitchen this morning, I took one look at the table and immediately groaned…I might have even said a bad word under my breath. The first thing that greeted me were ten boxes of chocolate biscuits in a big stack, right next to my desk. Recalling times past, I immediately made the assumption that I’d be fighting all day with the asshole in my mind.

Do you want to know how much time I’ve spent resisting temptation..? None. Not a single minute of my day. I mean, I didn’t even really need to flex my willpower muscle you know? It’s like they weren’t even there. I’m more than a little bit baffled. I mean I know that technically they’re not mine, I’ve bought them for my mum to give to the lovely ladies who take such good care of her. But lets be honest, that’s never stopped me in the past.

For example, there have been times when I’ve gone through my boy’s Easter Egg stash like a swarm of locusts and then replaced them all before he noticed, and times when I’ve had to make a nifty detour go buy another Daim cake because I’ve vaporised the one in the fridge that I bought for ‘the family’ during a particularly traumatic episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I didn’t want to have to explain where it’d all gone.

My willpower is an elusive frankly quite strange and bloody annoying phenomenon. Some days it’s completely locked and loaded, and nothing’s getting through. It’s like the fun police you know?  Other days it lets me down big time and without warning by throwing open the door and letting every temptation through without a fight. Take yesterday for example. Epic fail on the willpower front, massive.

Don’t get me wrong, my food choices were all fine, my diet integrity is all intact. The same can’t be said however about resisting the urge to indulge in a little bit of leather love. I made a promise to myself about not buying any more handbags until I’d saved up enough for the new bathroom I am desperate to get installed. Six months I’ve held out with no impulse buys, SIX MONTHS! I fancied a quick mooch on my favourite re-sale site, you know just to have a look…yes, well that never ends well does it? I was still trying to kid myself I was window shopping as I completed checkout. Hello???

Still. If I’ve only got so much willpower to use up equally on all the areas of my life where I need to behave, I’d rather spend it resisting a hob-nob over a handbag any day…and it is Christmas after all. A little bit of birthday money went towards it, and you know what, I’ve been a good girl this year.

Happy Christmas to me, with love from me…I deserve it, right?

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In For A Penny…

Freeform thoughts, , ,

kitten lion

So you know I said I was going to find a longer term fitness challenge..? I knew I’d find the perfect thing if I was patient. I wanted it to be something I have plenty of time to plan and prepare for, something really challenging but do-able. I need to be able to get fit enough to be 100% confident I’ll achieve it, and I wanted it to be something so awesome that I would always remember it. A defining moment you know?

Quite a lot of you have reached out to suggest things, and you know what, I might do a couple of race for life events as a way of building up my endurance and stamina, although I have to manage your expectations up front and say there’ll be less racing and more red-faced sweaty walking going on, depending on when they take place. After my two and a half mile walk on Saturday I feel like someone’s run me over with a truck but I’m quietly pleased with the way I pushed through my aches and pains when I took Charlie dog out yesterday afternoon…we even did the long circuit much to his delight.

I’ve also had a couple of offers to head on over the pond and participate in some local events, all of which I’d love to do at some point…imagine that, the former fat girl’s world fitness tour 🙂 But first, listen… I’ve found it. I’ve found the thing I’m going to do. I’ve already thrown my hat into the ring, registered my interest and I’m just waiting to find out whether my application has been accepted. And I’m so psyched about it…I’ll be on pins until January when I find out. But I can’t afford to wait…I need to start planning my approach.

So…want to know what it is..?

If my application is accepted, in October 2016 I’ll be completing a 90km trek over five days, from Havana across the Escambray mountain range to Trinidad in central Cuba. It’s the kind of challenge I never dared to imagine would be possible on a personal level, and I’m also hoping to raise a wedge of money for my chosen charity.

I should perhaps point out that right at this moment, the asshole in my mind has keeled over, laughing hysterically and in between snorts of derision is busy trying to tell me that it’s impossible – and I’ve got to be honest, if I really sit and think about it, fuck me it’s a big ask. In the next nine months I need to lose at least 70lbs, and build up enough stamina to be able to trek roughly 18km per day over some big-assed hills. I’m more scared about having to sleep in a tent than I can tell you…without blowing my own trumpet I’d make a lovely supper for a dingo, and besides that they have spiders the size of tanks in Cuba. I mean talk about in for a penny, in for a pound. But you know what, I can do it.

I’ll still be 60lbs too heavy for my frame at that point, but if I’ve given it everything I’ve got in nine months of training, I’ll have a reasonable level of fitness, and when I get back I’ll be on the home stretch on that journey to Skinny Town, right? It’s a massive thing, and right now I’m getting carried along by excitement, terror and pure blind faith that things will work out ok.

So, posse…what do you think..? Do you reckon I can do it..?

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Me? I Said That?

In the here & now, ,

feet

Well what an awesome weekend we just had…honestly, if laughing was an olympic sport we would have had every place on the podium. I will forever look back at the weekend and smile – the messy and highly inappropriate Friday afternoon session where we worked our way through the extensive cocktail menu in the lido lounge as we set sail across a very choppy sea is one highlight. The Salty Dog cocktail which tasted of feet was particularly memorable.

The Friday evening dinner followed by super-cheesy jazz hands entertainment with more than a few singers who wouldn’t have been able to hit a note if their lives had depended on it was hilarious.  The open-top bus tour of Dublin in the wind yesterday was good fun especially since one of our gang was trying to sleep off the excesses of Friday night on the back seat, and mooching around the Christmas markets was very festive…it’s just been epic, all of it.

I’m very happy to report that even with Singapore Slings and Whisky Sours running through my veins I wasn’t tempted to renege on the deal where my food plan was concerned and that’s one of the things I will look back on with immense satisfaction. I did it! I made a plan, and I stuck to it. Which, you know to Joe Average is sort of normal, nothing to write home about. For me, it still feels like a major achievement when it’s related to making skinny choices.

We came out of the Christmas markets area yesterday with the intention of flagging a taxi back to the ship, which we could just about see in the distance. I heard someone say the words why don’t we just walk? and as I looked around to see who’d made such a ridiculous suggestion, I saw five friends with their mouths open staring at me, and realised it was me. I’d suggested that. WTF is that all about?

So we did. It was about two and a half miles in the end, according to my wrist bitch, which to be fair I almost had to reboot – her internal micro chip came close to meltdown. On a daily basis she’s used to giving me a virtual kick up the hiney with encouraging messages like Come on, you’re an eighth of the way towards your daily move target! and Don’t give up now, just another nine thousand steps to go! Yesterday I’d swear there was a touch of hysteria when she announced You have reached your daily move target! When she realised I’d doubled it she was verging on emotional.

I was so knackered when we got back – I was footsore and my Ugg boots had rubbed blisters on my heels, but I did it. It was the kind of thing a normal person would do you know? I felt awesome. Well, to be more accurate I felt awesome after I’d made it as far as the ship’s spa for an emergency pedicure and foot massage, which I figured I’d earned 🙂 You know as I reflect back to my holiday in August when every step was agony, when I spent the time on shore excursions looking for a place to sit and rest my 300lb+ body and walking was something I was major-league struggling with it served as another sharp reminder of exactly how far I’ve come over the last four months.

It’s a good job – remember I said I was looking around for my longer term fitness challenge..? I’ve seen it…I know what I want to do.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you, right? Watch this space 🙂

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Dear Santa

Freeform thoughts, , ,

santa

Having given it a lot of thought, I believe I am a reformed character, so this year I think I can send you a Christmas wish list without fear that you’re going to die laughing when I try and tell you what a good girl I’ve been. I mean, I know strictly speaking I haven’t been good for a whole year, but since the 17th of August I’ve made up for it, and compared to any year in recent history my behaviour has been nothing short of a miracle.

I know, I know, we have history. I genuinely hang my head in shame when I think about all the occasions where my boy left a lovely selection of chocolate and mince pies out on Christmas eve to welcome you and say thanks for coming, and I selfishly scoffed the lot before I went to bed. Yes ok, and the sherry. I even ate Rudolph’s carrot one year, but after the sherry and half a bottle of baileys, I’d lost my sense of perspective and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I’d also like to apologise for the occasions when I’ve ventured out in fancy dress and posed as your good self. My friends were all rocking the sexy santa look, but me…well I looked more like you than you do. I’ve got the girth and to be fair, now I’m over fifty I’ve even got the beard. But I’m hoping we can put my past indiscretions behind us and move on. Life’s too short to bear grudges, right?

So anyway, in my Christmas stocking I’d love to find some patience. I’m hoping you have some in stock, because it’s a long way to Skinny Town and if I run out on the way I’ll be in trouble. No, I mean I’ll really be in trouble, you know like last time and the time before that..? When I didn’t get there quickly enough I just gave up and returned to Mooseville with my tail between my legs. I know I’ve got the posse at my back this time and I reckon they’d have my guts for garters if I even thought about quitting, but you know it doesn’t hurt to take a belt and braces approach. I’m just making sure.

I’d also love it if you could arrange for me to have some top-up vouchers for my willpower. I mean I’m doing ok at the moment, and there’s plenty left in the old tank but you never know when you’re going to get caught a bit short. I might not need them, I’m feeling a bit cocky these days and I’ve resisted the emergency hob-nob for the last four months, which is pretty impressive. Well, when I say resisted, I did lick the chocolate off one corner of it when I was having a bad day but I won the fight with the asshole in my mind before any actual biting happened. It was a close call mind you.

At the risk of sounding greedy, might I trouble you finally for a small box of determination? I’ve promised to choose a big event to train for in the New Year, and although I haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to do I need to go from zero to hero far more quickly than my old fat body is expecting. I’m going to have to throw everything I’ve got at it, including all the determination I can get my hands on.

Let’s call this the 2016 Skinny Town Travel Kit. It would be awesome if you could drop an identical one into the stockings of everyone in the posse too…a little thank you from me since this journey probably wouldn’t be happening without them. Oh, and just take it easy with the candy sticks, if you don’t mind. We do veggie sticks in this posse.

Lots of love and a kiss for Rudolph…pass on my apologies for the carrot 🙂

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