Tag Archives: skinny

Closet Closed for Business

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now,

wardrobe

Is that what your closet looks like? No, mine either. *Sigh*. To be fair, wardrobes like this don’t happen to people like me… I do have a really lovely wardrobe, in fact three lovely wardrobes, but it’s complicated. They are bursting at the seams with clothes…skinny clothes. I can’t put my fat clothes in there. Yes, when I say it out loud I appreciate how ridiculous that sounds but I just can’t do it…if my fat clothes were ever to make it across the threshold of my wardrobe, that’s tantamount to admitting that they’re staying, and that would never do, because they’re not. Obviously.

So the fat clothes – you know the ones that have fitted me for the last six years or so – exist in kind of a holding pattern between the wash basket, the ironing pile and my one ‘fat clothes’ drawer. My skinny clothes on the other hand – the ones that fitted me for about ten minutes – have hung undisturbed since the day I sloped out of the skinny zone with my tail between my legs and started eating all the pies.

When I’m skinny, I love to shop. I have a thing about business suits and evening dresses in particular, which is strange in itself, because I have no real cause to wear either. I mean I could go to work in a suit if I wanted to, but the skinny me could probably wear a different one every day for months before I’d worked my way around them all…a lot of them still have the tags on.  As for evening dresses, although I’ve probably got a couple of dozen in my skinny wardrobe, I can count on one hand the occasions I’ve actually needed to wear one…I don’t live that life.

Which begs the question, whose life was I actually buying them for?  I’m the kind of girl who can’t wait to climb into PJs as soon as I get in from work. Weekends come around, and I love nothing more than kicking back with my family, or having friends around for a few scoops or a nice meal, but dressy black tie functions..? Not for me. It’s never been my thing at all. It’s as if I thought that once I’d hit the skinny zone, this whole new and different world was going to open up and I’d start doing things I’d never enjoyed, and living a lifestyle I’ve never aspired to. Which, when you put it like that makes me sound like a right muppet.

I can’t help thinking that it’s another example of a real mis-fire in the way I think about stuff – skinny equals a glamorous just-stepped-off-the-pages-of-vogue lifestyle, where fat equals jersey pyjamas and a love affair with my armchair. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s a bloody great chair – but there’s absolutely no reason I couldn’t buy skinny pyjamas and kick back and relax in it as a skinny girl…no glamour required, and the real me could dig in to live the life I choose, not the one I think I ought to want.

Perhaps it’s time for a clear out…or maybe I’ll leave them there just a wee while longer…after all, skinny I’m comin’ to get ya 🙂

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Motivation theory (Part 3)

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, ,

bunnyI’m warming to the theme now – it’s a funny thing isn’t it, motivation – what works for some won’t work for others, and actually over the years I have found a few things which I will  arrange in my toolkit to be wheeled out when I need to turbo charge my willpower or find a bit of added oomph. And I will talk about them on here at some point, I promise. Just indulge me one more post though, in taking the piss out of the ideas which (in my humble opinion) have clearly been cobbled together by someone who has probably never even sported a muffin top.

So, the next nugget of wisdom was to join a gym class and pay for loads of sessions up front – that way, you’re bound to attend because otherwise you’ll have wasted your money. Kind of like a psychological contract. Genius idea that.  Let’s have a pop quiz. Do you think this suggestion came from

a) a gym bunny, or

b) an exercise dodger.

Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Come on, I’ve been there. On Monday, I start the diet, I’m brimming over with enthusiasm, this time it’s going to work. I know, I’ll even take an exercise class, in fact look, it works out cheaper to pay for six. Tuesday I go to the first class. Wednesday I can’t move. Thursday I can move a little bit and comfort-eat my way through the pain (because after all, even factoring in the 45 minutes I spent wheezing on the sidelines I must have burned off at least, ooh 3000 calories in the step class which almost killed me , so actually it cancels itself out) and then it’s Friday, which is the weekend and we all know that weekends are about pleasure not pain, so I’ll go back for my second class next week when I’m bound to feel a bit better.  The diet’s gone to shit anyway so I may as well have the weekend off and I’ll start again on Monday.

No, hang on, I can’t start my diet on Monday, I’ve got a works’ do a week on Saturday and that’ll ruin all my hard work, so I may as well start my diet two weeks on Monday so I can have a good run at it. In the meantime, pass me the cake  because when I start my diet I won’t be able to have any of that. And look, there’s no point in going back to the gym class until I’m dieting, that’d be a complete waste of money, everyone knows diet and exercise go together. Actually what I might do, is to diet for a few weeks and drop some weight, and then go back to the exercise class. It wouldn’t hurt as much if I was skinny. Yes that’s what I’ll do. I’ll definitely go back though.

And repeat. I think you get the picture. That’s the psyche of a fat girl – sorry, I shouldn’t generalise, that’s the psyche of this fat girl. I know it’s not logical on any level whatsoever, but then addicts will say and do anything to convince everyone – including themselves – that they’re in control, they’re on it, in fact they’re all over it.  Someone once told me that the definition of madness was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

This time, I’m trying something different…I have my blog 🙂

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