Tag Archives: skinny

Nothing To See Here

In the here & now, , ,

snd

I spent some time in the company of a good friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and we had a long-awaited catch up with each others’ news. Not that I had masses of news to share, to be fair my life revolves around work, family and blog, in that order and almost exclusively. I’m incredibly lucky to have a very tight group of close friends, and whilst I love them all to the moon and back, we don’t actually see each other that often you know? Busy people with busy lives and we’re spread far and wide to boot.

So it’s fair to say my down-time is mainly spent focusing on me. I fill it with a bit of writing, a bit of reading…some walking of course, I guess just burning time in that way that I seem to be able to do effortlessly. I appreciate my life might look a little solitary and introspective to anyone on the outside looking in, but actually after a Monday to Friday full of early starts and late finishes with more than a little bit of madness sandwiched in-between, solitude is generally how I like recharging my batteries, and it works for me. Except I always feel a bit lacking in the news department when eyes turn to me for any kind of update.

My friend, on the other hand was full of news. She’s busy ’till she’s dizzy, all the time. Her work isn’t hugely demanding, in fact she freely admits that she goes to work for a rest from her massively over-stuffed social life. I’m telling you, my ears were exhausted by the time she’d done updating me on everything she’s been up to. As well as side-helpings of who’d done what to who, and what this person and that person thinks about it…I think I was fully appraised of the comings and goings of anyone I’ve ever known by the time she paused for breath. She thrives on being in the thick of everything, not to mention being the glue that holds several different groups of friends together.

And then it was my turn to fill her in on all my stuff…hmm. It didn’t take long! We chatted about my blog, and my diet of course, and how it was all going…it’s the biggest thing in my life right now. We talked about how I can feel my body starting change in response to all these hard yards, and things which felt impossible as I emerged from my fat and painful summer last year are starting to feel not just possible, but like actual plans. We sketched out what my life as a skinny string bean might look like, and reached the conclusion that it would look pretty much like the life I live now, just with smaller pants. I like my life, and I’m not  looking for anything else to change.

I don’t know that I could do what I’m doing, against the backdrop of a hundred other commitments. If I lived my friend’s life, for example…I’m not sure I could get my shit together under that amount of busy. Our conversation, and the opposite nature of our lifestyles made me reflect I suppose, about how lucky I am to be able to dedicate so much time to just me.  I mean, my mum’s quite needy these days and work is busy, but the way I juggle those things with the time I spend in here and focusing on me, is to empty my dance card of as many other commitments as possible, which I guess on the face of it makes me appear quite anti-social.

I’m not, not really. But I am quite selfish of my time, and I’m not inclined to apologise for that. Seriously, I take my hat off to those of you in the posse who manage work and family commitments and an active social life alongside your diet and exercise needs. I mean seriously, bloody good effort…I don’t know that I could juggle all that. Being a single girl, I’m lucky in that it’s okay for me to focus on just me…there’s nobody to get in a strop because I’m only pleasing myself.

It’s an interesting thought though. Maybe I need to learn how to juggle more balls..?

 

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I Could Have, If I’d Wanted To…

In the here & now, , ,

clothingrackSo yesterday was a better day for me, on a number of fronts. Firstly, work was a little less manic. I had time to breathe, which is always nice. In fact more than that, I even had time to get out at lunchtime, and that hardly ever happens. A couple of the guys in the office were going up to a big retail outlet near to where we work, and I took my head out of my bum for an hour and tagged along for good measure.

After a quick mooch around we went into Marks and Sparks so they could grab lunch from the food hall. Me, I’d taken lunch to work and already eaten it – hey I was hungry, once the little hand is heading for twelve, it’s fair game, right? So I waited for them in the clothes section, and had a poke about, as you do. There were one or two really nice things that caught my eye, and I damn near fainted when I realised they had them in my size!

I mean, before we all get too giddy I’m still in size sumo, but I was in a shop that wasn’t a fat girl shop, and they had really nice stuff on their rails to fit me. As realisation dawned, I just kind of stood there, grinning like the village idiot, looking at this beautiful turquoise linen shirt and trying to figure out how many years it’s been since I walked into something other than a fat-girl shop and walked out with something new. I wish I’d bought it. Except it’s not quite payday so I didn’t, but the point is I could have, if I’d wanted to.

What I wanted to do was fist-pump the air, and run around the ground floor of Marks and Sparks waving the turquoise linen above my head singing I’m too sexy for this shirt at the top of my voice.

I didn’t have to admire the jewellery, or pretend I was interested in the bag section, or the cosmetics, whilst normal people browsed the clothes. I could browse the clothes without fear of being laughed out of town because I’m a skinny-girl-in-training, and I’m officially in the club, you know? That club where members can wear what they like, instead of what fits.

I was still riding the wave of euphoria later in the afternoon (and wishing I’d bought the damned shirt) when bugger me, a colleague walked into our office and said MY GOD! Look at you, you’re wasting away!! I mean, I’m clearly not…I stand five feet five and a half inches tall in my socks and I weigh nearly nineteen stone so I’m hardly teetering on the verge of malnutrition, but still. It’s the biggest buzz ever when people notice I’m losing weight, and are kind enough to comment. It all helps to spur you on, right?

So, all in all, yesterday ranks number one day in my week so far, and you know what, days like this are going to keep on coming 🙂

 

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A Tank Full Of Ooomph

In the here & now, , , ,

joy

Yesterday was a brilliant day. You know how every so often you just get one of those days where everything hangs together perfectly, and you feel chock full to the brim with wellbeing? I woke up feeling refreshed – my friend and I had spent three hours getting wrinkly in the hot tub the night before, catching up with each others’ news on what was a gorgeous cold clear night – perfect hot tub weather. So I was relaxed when I went to bed, and I slept like a log.

I did worry, as I walked the green mile towards the bitch in the bathroom yesterday morning that I might be a bit waterlogged from the night before and therefore weighing heavy – yes I know it’s a ridiculous thought but by now you ought to know the kind of places my head tries to take me to. Anyway, I worried for nothing, and once I’d moved the scale to the third tile on the right, next to the bath (her most compliant spot) and kind of tested the water with just one eye open, I jumped on and off happily three more times just to keep reading the number 🙂

As I walked Charlie dog later in the morning, I decided not to wear a coat. The sun was shining, I was just in shirtsleeves, and there was nothing covering my backside. I mean, don’t take that literally…pants, obviously…but there was no jacket shielding the world from the rear view of my arse end as it wobbled its way up the hill, looking for all the world I’m sure like puppies fighting in a sack. And what’s more, I didn’t even give it a thought. That, my friends, is progress.

I couldn’t help feeling just a tiny bit excited, as I got to the top of the mile-long hill on our walk with breath in my lungs to spare, at the thought that this year I might not be facing another miserable summer like the last few. I haven’t graduated from black pants yet, which have been my wardrobe staple for the last five years at least, even on the hottest of summer days. But this year I just might, you know?

I can’t wait to feel cool and together on a warm day instead of sweating like a stuck pig, with chafing thighs and swollen feet whilst everyone else sashays around enjoying the feeling of the sun and a light breeze on their skin. And I know it’s going to be next summer before I get the full benefit of a skinny body, but I’m already more than fifty pounds down on last year…in a couple more months I hope to be touching seventy. I’m one third of the way through my journey and by the time we hit holidays in August I’m hoping to be way past the halfway point.

I still have to keep pinching myself, you know? I’m actually doing this! Cue massive cheesy grin!

I don’t know whether it’s the affirmation that I’m back on track, or the lovely spring-like weather over the weekend but something has filled my tank with oomph, and I feel full of the joys of spring. Full of hope…yes, that’s the word. Hope.

I’m still trying it on for size but early indications are that it’s a bloody awesome feeling 🙂

 

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Holding The Line

Freeform thoughts, ,

no to food

So there’s only a couple of days left before our little mini break and I can’t wait to soak up the atmosphere of the Christmas markets in Dublin this weekend with a bunch of friends. I’ve been irritatingly angelic on my diet this week, I’ve not used any of my weekly points and I’ve resisted temptation despite being bombarded from all quarters.

My boss’s husband baked the most enormous victoria sandwich cake the other day which he brought into work for the team and OMG it looked absolutely lush, I was practically drooling…but I didn’t go near it 🙂

I’m slowly getting my head around the new Weight Watchers points system, it’s much easier to understand now they’ve got rid of the gremlins from their website…I think it’s going to be quite effective for no other reason than most of the things I like to eat as treats seem to have doubled in points so it’s put me off eating them. I’m not sure that’s sustainable, but for this week at least it’s not a bad thing. Plus I grumbled at them a bit and they gave me two weeks for free so all is forgiven, providing the diet works of course.

So as you know I’ve carved out a bit of slack for myself ahead of this weekend, but I’m not planning on going mad – I daren’t, in case my place in the sweet spot disappears in a puff of smoke. I’ll probably hold the line, stick to skinny food choices as much as I can and spend my extra points on fizz…that sounds like a good plan, right?

My friend doesn’t think so apparently. Her actual words when I outlined my plan were for God’s sake woman live a little! Delivered with tone of voice straight our of Snarkyville. It seems that in her humble opinion, the friends I’m travelling with will think I’m a proper diet bore if I don’t continually stuff my face with naughty things whilst I’m away. I don’t agree, and I might have mentioned that, just before I thanked her for her support. With a tone of voice straight out of Siberia. Yes, I see yours and raise you!

You want to know what proper support looks like to me? Eight years ago when I was doing the liquid diet, I spent 7 months drinking soups and shakes. In the middle of that time, my best friend and I went on holiday to a fabulous hotel in Turkey which was full board with the most amazing food…I never ate a morsel all week. We went down to dinner together every night, to our usual table right by the sea, and she ate her dinner whilst we chatted and admired the view.

I drank water and was perfectly happy, and she ate like a normal person and was equally happy. She knew it was important to me and she never batted an eyelid. That’s support right there. I lost five and a half pounds that week on top of having an amazing holiday. So forgive me for not believing that the friends I’m away with this weekend will be affronted by me declining pudding in favour of coffee, I mean why the chuff would they even be bothered?

They know I’m dieting, and it’s no big deal. You can bet your bottom dollar if there was a skinny string bean friend amongst us who curled her petite little nose up at anything with an actual calorie in it, nobody would give it a second thought. If the fat girl makes skinny choices, why should it be different? In any event, knowing my friends as I do, by the time dessert arrives they’ll be too pissed to notice anyway 🙂

 

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The Phwoar Factor

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now,

foxSo we all have our own ideas about what we find attractive in members of the opposite sex, right? Personally for example, right now give me a kind octogenarian who’s loaded, has no family on whom to lavish his pots of cash and who wants nothing from me other than the odd game of scrabble and oversight of his nightly meds, and I’d be all over that. Ha ha, joking aside…oh wait a minute that’s right, I’m not joking…boom boom!

But lets imagine that I was…I’ve always been attracted to larger than life, broad shouldered blokes. Beyond that, I’ve never really had a ‘type’, unless you class ‘loser’ as a type…it’s been a definite common denominator amongst the majority of my significant others. But in terms of looks, I’ve never been that bothered. Provided they kept a watching brief on the nose and ear hair situation and had a good level of personal hygiene, from a physical perspective that was about the extent of my wish list.

I’d say that on the whole blokes are more visual creatures than females though, and most blokes would be able to articulate in far more detail than you might expect, the kind of woman they are attracted to. And that usually includes a body shape within a certain height/weight ratio.

Whilst I was out for dinner over the weekend with one of my closest friends, he posed an interesting question – being a fan of the curvaceous female form himself, he wanted to know whether, if I was with a partner who found skinny unattractive, would I still be hell bent on reaching skinny town?  And it was a really hard question to answer. I’m dieting for me. I’m the one who finds being fat unattractive…skinny is the body shape I like best, on me. I’m a single girl through choice so it’s fairly straightforward, but what if?

What if down the line I did meet someone and fall madly in love, and it transpired that their ‘perfect woman’ body shape was at the end of the spectrum that I’m at now..? It’d be the ultimate bloody irony, but would I immediately head for the pie shop with a wad of cash? I’ve definitely been conscious in the past of maintaining a particular body shape to please someone other than myself.

One bloke in particular who I fell for in a big way was a real fitness hound, and was completely turned off by the idea of fat girls, so in the knowledge that if I didn’t stay skinny he’d disappear in a cloud of dust, I kept the weight off for around a year…my longest ever stint in Skinny Town. As things turned out, it was my feet that generated the dust when I realised he had spawned the daughters from hell. It would be  inappropriate for me to go into detail, but I’ll just put the words bunny and cooking pot out there, and leave the rest to your imagination.

Getting back to the point though, in theory, if you love someone, or someone loves you, and it’s true love, body shape shouldn’t really come into it. But I don’t think it’s as simple as that. You do hear of people walking away from their partners for a younger or skinnier alternative, and actually, even more so the other way around…newly skinny confident minnies leaving their long term partners and going for an upgrade. So the whole issue of gaining and losing weight throws up some interesting questions within the boundaries of a relationship.

Not something I need to worry about, but to answer my friend’s question, I’m thinking no…the asshole in my mind would go batshit crazy of course, and bang the pie-eating drum incessantly, but I’m at that stage in my life where I know what I want, and I’m going after it. I want to be skinny, for me…and at the end of the day I’m the only one I have to worry about 🙂

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