Tag Archives: happy

Cruising Skinny-Girl Style…

In the here & now, ,

It suddenly occurred to me just before the weekend that I’ve got a holiday coming up in a couple of weeks…I’ve been so preoccupied with the trek, and everything related to it like my fitness classes and all the walking, that whilst I hadn’t exactly forgotten about my holiday, I’ve not really given it any thought at all.

The friend who I’m going with has been island-hopping in Greece for the last two weeks so we’ve not been doing our usual giddy countdown, which is probably why it’s only just hit my radar. She’s back now though, and we spent a couple of happy hours on the phone last night planning all the detail. We’re cruising from Southampton up through the Norwegian Fjords, which has been a long-standing feature on my bucket list…the scenery will be absolutely breathtaking.

I can’t help reflecting how different things are compared to last year. My friend and I tend to like a mixture of planned sightseeing and then doing stuff under our own steam. Being herded around and following a guide with a flag held aloft drives me bat shit crazy, but sometimes in order to get to see the things you want to see in the short time the ship is in port you have to bite the bullet and just put up with it. But last year, oh my GOD I was miserable on the tour days.

It didn’t help that having eaten myself to the brink of disability, walking was painful. I needed to sit down for a rest every few minutes and I actually started to dread getting off the ship. Some days I even chose not to, and I stayed in the spa area all day instead and had food and drinks delivered to my sun lounger the banner of relaxation.

As well as a handful of organised trips, we did lots of the hop-on-hop-off bus tours in the places we visited, but if I’m honest there wasn’t an awful lot of hopping off going on. Seat safely bagged, I was happy to sit there all day. My poor friend. I was such a shit companion. Don’t get me wrong, we did have a great time and I loved being away, in fact it was an awesome trip but man, it was hard work.

Last night we established that all four of the places we’re visiting on our week-long cruise are very easy to navigate on foot, unlike some cruises where your ship docks in some grotty port miles away from anything pretty or interesting. So this year, navigating on foot is exactly what we’re planning to do. We’re going to walk. Well, all except one of the days where I’ve booked an excursion on my own, because my friend didn’t fancy it…it’s a hike, up a mountain in the Fjords to go see a waterfall. Three and a half hours, tough going, some steep inclines…I’m all over it, and I can’t wait.

This year, essential packing will include walking boots and socks, gym gear so I can work out and join some of the exercise classes on board, and whilst of course I’ll enjoy the cuisine I am one hundred percent determined to weigh the same when I get off the ship as I do when I get on. No open season, no all-bets-off mentality – lets face it, when I get back on terra firma the trek will be just five weeks away. I can’t afford to slip, not even a little bit.

But you know what, I’m not worried about it, in fact I’m really looking forward to the challenge of making the holiday fit what I need it to be…after all, we’ve already established that I’m in this for the long game. For the rest of my life I need to find a way to stay in the mindset of healthy, vibrant and disciplined so I’d better get used to it, right? I choose to be that person. I don’t want to be that morbidly obese passenger from last year who held court on her sun lounger because getting off it was too much effort. I could weep for that lady.

I’m going to wring every last drop of enjoyment out of this holiday, and of course that includes some relaxation. I’m tired, and I’m ready to chill my boots. I’ll recline on my sun lounger in a shady spot and read two or three books, and I’ll indulge with a cheeky Pimms or two because that’s what holidays are for…but not before I’ve sweated my cahoonies off in the gym, or walked a good few miles around and about wherever we happen to be. Last year’s lazy lady is one hundred percent gone.

And as for the two formal nights…well, bring on the bling. I can’t wear my trusty evening outfit, you know the one I wore to the Blog Awards..? It’s too big now and I flogged it on eBay along with the rest of my fat-girl duds 🙂

But don’t worry…it just so happens that I’ve indulged myself with one or two new things…needs must, eh?

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On The Subject Of Socks…

In the here & now, ,

got my backMy new ones got christened last night along with my new walking boots, and it seems Indiana Jones was right… no blisters. To be fair, they were tested with a small ‘t’, in that I only walked around three miles…the walking boots felt weird. They weren’t uncomfortable exactly, it just seemed like they made my legs ache more than normal which isn’t helpful but then I suppose I’m used to walking in trainers which are much lighter. Fact is, I can’t wear lightweight trainers to climb a mountain so I’ll just have to suck it up and get used to them even though I feel like I’ve got tractor tyres under my tootsies.

I had some lovely messages yesterday from folk keen to help…one of our posse is even going to invite a bunch of friends around for coffee and cake in exchange for a small donation which she’ll then pass on through my sponsor me page…you’re all awesome and I’m so touched by the fact that you all have my back in this way. There’s no feeling like it, genuinely and I’m here to tell you that you’re pissing the Asshole voice off at every turn…his best advice is quit now because you don’t have a cat in hell’s chance of making it over that mountain range, but your voices are louder and clearer than his ever was.

I’ve had a few messages to say that some of our posse overseas are struggling to make their donation through the sponsor me page, and Veronique came up with a brilliant idea – if you prefer to send your sponsorship money through PayPal, you can send it directly to dellibop@mac.com with whatever message you’d like me to put on the sponsor me site, and I will load it on for you at this end – that way you’ll be able to view your donation and your message on the site.

Shall I tell you what else happened? One of my friends set up a Facebook page linked somehow to the Kingdom of Pain, and loads of my new friends from there are supporting me by setting up walks over the coming weekends to spur me on and help me get ready for this challenge. It’s just incredible, I feel like the whole world is standing shoulder to shoulder with me on this…I’ve never known anything like it before. How lucky am I 🙂

You know the biggest fist-bump moment of the week for me happened in the outdoorsy shop, whilst Indiana Jones was standing over me with several pairs of shoes. She handed me a sock, and in one uninterrupted movement I lifted my foot onto the bench, bent down and pulled the sock onto my foot and then stood up again, holding my hand out for a shoe. And I didn’t even grunt! That could never have happened when I started this journey…I couldn’t even reach my feet.

So I have a walk arranged tomorrow with my Kingdom of Pain buddies and I’ll be wearing my backpack with God of Pain’s weights in it, with my new walking boots on. My steps will be heavy but you know what, inside I will feel as light as air. You guys are all pushing me to a new place, and I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

Have an awesome weekend everyone, and a million thank yous for having my back 🙂

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She Wouldn’t Dare…

In the here & now, , ,

scale

So I woke up on Sunday feeling really skinny, you know that way where you’re laid in bed and you put your hand on your stomach and it’s at a lower altitude than your head? I must’ve laid in bed for a good half an hour debating whether or not to chance my arm with the bitch in the bathroom, or whether just to call it, you know? I feel skinny therefore I am. I’ve obviously lost weight this week. Girl done good, the end.

I decided I needed to know. I could sense my Asshole voice gearing up to rub salt in the wound…you stuck, again? Really?? That’s so unfair, you tried so hard and totally gave it your best shot but look you’re over fifty now, and your body has obviously settled at where it’s meant to be…eighteen stone is a good weight for you. 

The fuck it is. And I wasn’t scared of the number as such…I was more worried about the drastic measures that I was muttering about under my breath if I’d been forced to step off for a fourth week with no movement. I was seriously worried that I might demand an appointment to have my jaws wired or try to get my stomach tied in a knot. Surely she wouldn’t dare …I swear, even the dog was sweating as I nudged the bitch onto the correct tile, but to everyone’s relief the number had gone down. Two pounds off.

Well, I say that. The first time I got on it said two pounds off. Then I got on another twice just to make sure and it stayed at two. Once more for good measure and it said three so I nearly broke my neck getting on for a fourth time hoping it would continue going up. I should have stopped at three because the needle went back down to two, and I stubbed my toe on the bath.

Note to self, I clearly weigh more when I’m grinning like the village idiot, so in future I’ll stay mardy. But whatever, the impasse is broken. Two pounds off, and I’ll take that thank you very much. I deserved those two pounds, you know? I worked really hard, in fact last week I walked almost thirty miles, fitted in five exercise classes and stuck to my food plan. The Asshole voice thinks it’s a fucking travesty that I didn’t lose ten pounds and between you and me I agree, but I’m keeping schtum…don’t want to piss off the Gods of Skinny by appearing ungrateful, right?

So yesterday, you’d have thought that buoyed by my success, I’d ace the diet, and you’d be right, I did. Right up until the point that a work colleague rocked up to a late meeting with scooby snacks. One packet of salt and vinegar crisps and two Oreo cookies later I had to re-think my dinner options. I wouldn’t care but I don’t even like Oreo cookies all that much. I mean they’re okay, you know if you’re desperate. For emergencies. But I wasn’t desperate, not even a little bit and there was no emergency. They were just there in front of me for the taking, and I felt entitled. Silly moo.

Whatever…I’m back in the saddle and we continue on. I’d like to think maybe I just paused to admire the view, after all it’s a while since I’ve stood in this spot…I’m officially lighter than I’ve been in probably five years, and when push comes to shove, I toughed it out, right? I faced down the plateau without throwing the towel in. I found something to celebrate…resilience, patience, whatever you want to call it, it’s ass was mine.

Come on, lets push on…that skinny life is waiting 🙂

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It Sounds So Obvious Now…

In the here & now,

image

I was up and on the train at stupid o’clock yesterday morning due to work commitments a long way south of home, and you know what, I quite like being on the train these days, now my larger-than-average body actually fits in the seats.

I’ve got to be honest, it still feels like I’ve won the lottery every time I sit down and admire the gap between my arse and the armrest, or my belly and the table in front of me. I’ve even stopped bitching about having to travel in cattle-class, since I no longer hold an unshakable belief that the seats are made for munchkins.

So anyway, it was way too early to think about getting on with some work, and I found my eyes wandering about the carriage. I spent a lot of time admiring my new scarf in the reflection thrown back by the window every time we went through a tunnel. Let me tell you about the scarf…it was my non-food treat, awarded to me by me in exchange for achieving nothing.

I know…that’s a novel idea, right? I sort of bent the rules a bit, and tried to figure out a way of treating myself even in the face of weight-loss inertia. And hey presto, along came a genuine flash of inspiration.

Yes the needle has stayed put for the last three weeks, but I decided that a treat was appropriate anyway, for not going into meltdown about it. Fair’s fair after all, I mean in times gone by that would have definitely invoked fat girl rule #232 which clearly states In the event that things don’t go your way proceed immediately to the hobnobs and fill ya boots...

Truth is, I really wanted the scarf so it was a win-win outcome, right? It’s Alice Shirley’s Zebra Pegasus design, which I have coveted for the longest time so it seemed like a fabulous solution…take a shit situation and find something positive in it, thereby defusing the frustration by providing an excuse to indulge yourself with something you really want. I’m all over that as a concept.

So the scarf had its first outing yesterday and every time I looked down at it, or caught its reflection in the window it reminded me of the huge strides I’ve made in terms of the way I deal with stuff when it doesn’t go my way. It felt good, you know? And I think I just switched another lightbulb on in my head. Instead of beating myself up for not losing an ounce, I rewarded myself for dealing with it like a grown-up. For not losing focus, or worse still, hope.

That vortex of guilt and comfort-seeking that we can all get sucked into when we perceive that we’ve failed at something goes away as if by magic, when we get distracted from the failure by finding something to celebrate in the outcome. And given that just about every mistake comes with a learning opportunity, and every situation can be viewed with a range of perspectives I’m pretty sure the concept will work across the board.

Isn’t it amazing how something which sounds so obvious now has eluded me for the whole of my fat life? The important thing is, I see it now, and like all the other light bulbs which have illuminated the path to Skinny Town it means I’m less likely to stumble over whatever bumps in the road lie ahead.

Onwards into the light, right chaps? ?

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Stepping Off The Hot Mess Express

In the here & now, ,

losing weightI wore a linen dress to work on Friday. Yep, you heard that right… Me! In a frock!!

I guess in order to understand how huge that is, (not the dress, which to be fair was pretty cavernous, but I mean huge in terms of the fact that I wore it in the first place) I probably need to explain that since I started working there a couple of years ago, nobody’s ever seen me in anything other than stretchy black pinstripe pants teamed with a wide selection of loose-fitting tops. Walking through the door in a dress felt all kinds of weird, but I’ve got to say everyone was full of compliments. Well, once they’d picked their chin up off the floor that is 🙂

So, that’s something else I can add to my growing list of firsts…it ranks right up there with discovering I could cross my legs again, and being able to cut my toenails and breathe at the same time. Only people who’ve been seriously fat will get what I mean with that one…it really is the little things that normal people take for granted which all add to the feeling that slowly but surely I’m stepping off the Hot Mess Express, and reclaiming normal as my very own.

You’ll never guess what the bitch in the bathroom offered up this week…three whole pounds. How about them apples, eh? I lost nothing last week but I was more relaxed about it than I ever used to be, because I know that the input has been pretty solid. My diet is on track and my exercise has gone to a whole other level, so I was confident that sooner or later she’d have to concede some poundage. I did a happy dance right there in the bathroom.

More importantly I can feel it…I feel skinnier, somehow. Even though I didn’t manage to have quite the super-clean eating week I’d promised myself, I did okay you know? Much better than the week before. And now, I have just two pounds to go to hit the 70lbs mark, which is my five stones milestone and folks, I’m going after it this week. Big time…hello seventeen stone something, your ass belongs to me. 

I had a bit of a splurge and bought myself some new clothes over the weekend with the money I made from selling my too big for me now wardrobe. Some of them are in the next size down again from where I am right now, because I wanted to choose some things for my holiday before all the summer stuff gets picked over.

I’m excited about the parcel arriving, which is a bit of a turn up for the books…something else I haven’t felt for the longest time. Buying new clothes is an ordeal when you’re the size of a moose because nothing looks nice or feels nice. Ask me if any of my new stuff came from a fat-girl shop..? NO! I mean they’re still fat sizes from a normal shop, but still. It’s a big step forward. Another first.

God of Pain is back from his jollies, and  classes start again tonight after a three-day hiatus. I’m ready to go back. And yes, you heard that right, too…I’m ready.

I still keep having to pinch myself to believe that I’m really doing this. Come on!

 

 

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