Tag Archives: goals

Stone Cold Easter Egg Sober

In the here & now, ,

easter

Happy Easter one and all…I hope you have a wonderful day whatever you’re up to. Me, I have nothing special planned, other than today being the day that I’ll get my fat wardrobe loaded on eBay, as well as walking with Charlie dog and playing host to my mum who will be with us later.

I think it’s only the second time in my life where I haven’t eaten chocolate for breakfast on Easter Sunday. I almost feel like I’m breaking the law. I must admit I had a quick two minute sulk before I emerged from under the duvet this morning at how unfair it all was that more than likely everyone in my neighbourhood except me would be in a sugar-induced coma at that very moment, but then I looked across my bedroom at the mountain of fat clothes which are too big for me to wear now, and I got over myself pretty quickly. See? If I’d moved that pile of stuff when I should have, it wouldn’t have been there to sweeten my mood today.

On our walk yesterday, my thoughts turned to the shopping I needed to do afterwards, and I couldn’t help wondering exactly how many Easter eggs I was going to get mugged by as I walked around the supermarket. Not to mention the fact that currently cheese balls are on offer two for one. It all made me feel a bit under attack, you know like a double-whammy of temptation.

I kicked that one around for ages, before deciding to simply go to a different shop. I’ve already ‘fessed up about my momentary weakness this week with the cheese and pickle sandwich, and fries so I’m not in the mood for flirting with the danger zone. Bargain and cheese balls have proven to be a killer combo in the past and I wasn’t going anywhere near it.

Seriously, earlier this week when I was in there I must have walked past and eyed them up at least half a dozen times, arguing with the Asshole voice the whole time. Thankfully yesterday’s diversionary tactics paid dividends and I came home without either, having treated myself to a pack of the biggest fattest cherries you’ve ever seen.

I did make myself a sweet treat for breakfast this morning though, have any of you tried the skinny banana muffins from the video on my foodie stuff page? I’m not gonna lie, you will have tasted better muffins. But if you steer clear of the butter and icing sugar – neither are needed -they hardly cost any smart points, and they are sweet. To be fair, once you’ve sampled a few batches and gotten over the texture (which is distinctly un-muffinlike) they’re not half bad.

Anyway…for those of you who accepted the three-pound-challenge challenge last Sunday, I hope you did better than me 🙁 Half a poxy pound gone this week…I’m slightly underwhelmed. Still, I started off the week with a bigger promise than I managed to deliver in the end, so I’ve written this week down to experience, and I am about to unfold a beautiful shiny new Weight Watchers week. How did y’all do?

Sod it, I’m having another crack at this. These are the reasons why this week I can do it. The clocks have gone forward overnight therefore I have an extra hour of daylight. That means when I get in from work, it’s not going to be dark and I can do my three mile walk with the dog. No excuses. I have no functions, catered days or days where my schedule is going to be anything other than in my complete control…it’s a golden week and I’m totally up for it.

Knowing you lot are cheerleading on the sidelines will spur me on…no cheese and pickle whoopsies this week m’lud, that’s a promise 🙂

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It’s All In The Head

Biggest struggles, , , ,

painI’ve always believed that I was quite effective in the ‘not giving up on stuff’ department, in fact more than once I’ve confidently used the words tenacious and determined to describe myself. I can think of some cracking examples throughout my life where I’ve clung on till my fingertips bled in pursuit of something I believed in, and I’d even count one or two successful visits to Skinny Town in the past as examples I can bandy about of me being hardcore when it counts.

Except when I say clung on until my fingertips bled, I am of course speaking metaphorically. No actual bleeding happened, because that would have meant pain, and I don’t do pain. I mean don’t get me wrong, there are times in your life when you can’t avoid it – having a baby for example, or getting sick.

To be fair when my boy was born I wheeled out the diva and demanded so much pain relief I was probably stoned for his first six months, but I have been through some other tough medical stuff where I had to just suck it up. I’ve talked in here before about the run in I had with the big C which involved a fair few cut and shut jobs. Sometimes you don’t have a choice and getting on with it is the only option open to you.

But pain, in pursuit of a goal? You know, when you have a choice, and could choose not to hurt..? That I’m finding it harder to get my head around. And before you laugh and call me a fanny, I know I’m only talking about six minutes on a cross trainer on the lowest setting, it’s hardly the north face of the Eiger, right? But don’t forget I’m carrying the equivalent of a whole other person around in my pants, and no matter how large or small the frame of reference, pain is pain. I did six minutes this morning and it hurt.

I almost gave up…it was a really close call that I didn’t. The asshole in my head was determined to build on his victory from yesterday when I’d programmed ten minutes but managed only five. I did complete the other five minutes last night before I went to bed but made the rookie mistake of not warming up or cooling down – I mean come on it was five lousy minutes, who knew it even mattered? For future reference, it does.

My legs were bitching at me before I’d even opened my eyes this morning and I made the journey from the bed to the cross-trainer in the style of Norman Wisdom, a fact shamelessly exploited by the asshole voice as a reason to quit as I winced my way through six minutes of hurt.

I’m really going to need to get a handle on this. When you google phrases like pushing through the pain, or digging deep to achieve your goals, you get hundreds and hundreds of inspirational quotes, but not a single bloody one that tells you how. I don’t need platitudes, I need advice and it’s a bit thin on the ground.

I’m scared that I’ll give up…there, I’ve said it. I’m scared that when the going gets tough I’ll just fold and think nah, not for me. And I can’t. I need to learn how not to give up, and practice not giving up ’till it’s baked into my psyche. Imagine if I’m halfway over that mountain in Cuba, and I get a blister that really hurts. They’re hardly going to call mountain rescue are they? I’ll be expected to just bloody get on with it and stop moaning. I need to find a way of pulling out the kind of mental resilience which keeps you nailed on to the task in hand even when you hurt.

If there was a pit of crocodiles under the cross trainer, or some device primed to blow my buns off if I slipped below so many strides per minute I’d have no choice but to keep going…right now my kit-bag of reasons not to quit is feeling a bit light, so any suggestions would be gratefully considered 🙂

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Back Of The Net!

Biggest Triumphs, , , ,

goal

In all the excitement yesterday of throwing our arms wide to welcome in a bright and shiny 2016, and with light bulbs popping here and there, I got distracted and forgot to mention…it’s a little bit snug, but the size 22 top I’ve been lusting after since I came back from Vegas fastened with only a soupçon of persuasion! There’s no truth in the rumour that my lips turned blue from holding my breath as I tried it on, and I’m claiming it as another little goal achieved 🙂

I realise that it’s all relative…I mean there might be folk in our posse who’ve lived their entire lives as skinny string beans, and the acquisition of just a little bit of padding means they’re as unhappy with their size as I am with mine…we super-fatties don’t have the monopoly on low self esteem, right? And to those guys, the thought of being a size 22 must make them want to go have a lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress. But speaking as someone who was a size 28 just one hundred and thirty eight days ago, I’m feeling pretty awesome.

So, obviously my thoughts have now turned to what next. I like having bite sized goals – seriously, what other sort would you expect to have on a fat girl’s blog – and I like measuring it in dress sizes, because it’s tangible you know? Holding something up against yourself and stepping a little further from no chance! every time is a real motivator for me. So I think eight weeks seems a reasonable time frame to aim for the next size down…what do you think? Let’s call that out as my next mini goal…1st March, officially the first day of spring and I’m shooting for a 20.

Right, so listen, come closer…I need your help for a minute. Something rather exciting is about to happen…we’re entering a competition! Our blog’s been accepted into the running for the UK Blog Awards, and I’ve got to submit two blog posts from the archives, in preparation for the public vote which starts on Monday. OMG!!!!  I feel a bit sick – me, the least competitive person you’ll ever meet, putting us out there to be judged…clearly I had a moment of insanity when I clicked on the go for it button.

To be fair, I don’t think we have a cat in hell’s chance of getting past the first round, because there are some really professional looking blogs out there and for me, this is my passion and my hobby but it’s not a commercial enterprise. So all I’m really looking to do is to raise the profile of the blog a little bit, and welcome a few more folk into the posse.

But this is where I really need your help. I’m hoping you’ll throw yourself right in and cast your vote of course, but I need to be even more demanding of you than that…which two posts do I pick? I mean, to me they’re like my babies…each one lovingly and thoughtfully crafted in order to serve you up a smile, or some reflection, or if I really hit the back of the net to help you feel less alone on this journey, like you’re not the only person who’s trying to climb out of their fat suit, you know? And of course I get all that right back at me from you guys…me, I’m just the one who stirs the pot.

I can’t choose between them! I was just going to pick the two top rated posts, but the proportion of folk in the posse who use the star rating buttons is quite small, so I’d rather throw it out there and ask you guys. You know better than me which ones you like the best. You’re the experts!

I’ve got to submit my choices on Sunday, and I’ll tell you more about it then…I’ve got some logos I need to figure out how to use, and I’ll probably spend the weekend looking confused and pressing lots of buttons in the hope that something sticks where it should, but in the meantime, which two blog posts from our archive should I lay out in all their glory to showcase the best of what we’ve got?

Over to you guys…help!

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My Round Tuits.

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now,

tuitWhen I was little, I thought round tuits were real things…my mother seemed to hold them in really high esteem, in fact it seemed like they were her answer to everything. Whenever she wanted to do something, or had something she needed fixing, or a job she needed sorting she mentioned that she was going to get one, to the point where this mystical thing seemed like it held the promise of greatness. Obviously the illusion was shattered when I realised that what it actually meant was ‘I’m going to pull my finger out of my bum and get on with stuff’.

As it happens, I’ve got several round tuits of my own stacked up in a holding pattern, and it’s dawned on me that now I’m officially more than halfway through my allocated life slot, I’d better get a wriggle on. I’ve talked before, in the post ‘Waiting to be Skinny’ about putting things on hold because I wanted to enjoy them without the distraction of being fat, but there are some things where being fat wouldn’t distract from the enjoyment – rather the opposite in fact, the enjoyment in what I’m doing would more than likely distract my attention away from the fat suit.

There’s a programme on TV at the moment called The Great Pottery Throw Down, which is basically The Great British Bake Off but instead of baking stuff they’re making stuff out of clay. It reminded me that I’ve always fancied having a go at making something on a potter’s wheel – I think I first took a liking to the idea when Demi Moore got her groove on with the delicious Mr Swayze in the film Ghost, but whilst her potter’s wheel looked like it totally belonged in a fabulous loft apartment in New York, as a teenager I could never quite imagine how I’d pull it off in my mum’s lounge in West Yorkshire.

Anyway, I digress – despite the lack of a gorgeous half naked man providing an extra pair of hands, I was reminded how much fun it looked so this is one of my round tuits that I’m going to blow the dust off and explore. I’ve made a small note to myself not to get carried away – I do have a tendency to get a bit too enthusiastic about stuff, and if I’m not careful I’ll get to the end of the weekend and find that I’ve won a kiln and three tons of clay on eBay.

Learning to sail is another one of my round tuits, although I suspect that’s best left on the shelf until I’m in a position to nip out of Skinny Town for lessons on the weekend…being fit and active is kind of a prerequisite for that one and wearing a life jacket on top of the fat suit might be a bit much.

You know what else I had..? Writing. Imagine that. A round tuit that just happened after north of thirty years on the round tuit shelf.  And I’ve got to be honest, it’s proved to be an amazing way of taking my head into a different place. I’ve found myself looking around beyond the end of my own nose, for things to chat to you guys about, as well as tipping out various thoughts and feelings for forensic examination. I’m loving the process and bless you for indulging me by reading the words and offering up thoughts of your own. Ironically, writing about being fat sort of takes my mind off the fact that I am fat…go figure!

So I’ve shared mine…out of curiosity, what are yours..?

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My Fifty Year Fitness Goal

Freeform thoughts, In the here & now, ,

set goal, make plan, work, stick to it, reach goal - a success concept presented with colorful sticky notes

So you know how every now and again you read something that really resonates with you, and at the same times inspires you to think that maybe, just maybe if you put the hours in you can pull something similar off yourself..? I just read Jan Bono’s latest guest post on the Cranky Fitness blog, and I’m here to tell you that as I sit here with my morning coffee and toast, having just read it for the second time, it’s really got me. Real tears and everything, both times…I mean come on, even E.T only got me once.

I posted a link to the story on my ‘interesting stuff’ page for anyone who’s curious but in a nutshell Jan dropped over 240lbs, and went on to make the leap from struggling to walk from her house to her car, to completing a 10k event. The post is about how she felt as she was doing it, and afterwards. I’ve had to have a word with myself this morning, I was chomping at the bit to pull on my walking boots and set off.

Given that I’m nearer the house/car end of the spectrum with a shedload of weight to lose, I need a plan of action to prevent the inevitable walk of shame back from the end of my road after the penny drops that I’m not quite ready yet to go the whole hog. Something like that definitely needs more than my usual ‘spectacles, testicles, wallet & watch’ approach to planning, as in it needs to start way before I’m getting ready to leave the house.(For the avoidance of doubt, my balls are purely metaphorical, just in case anyone wondered!)

So my thoughts turned to what it is that I’d like to do…what’s the thing I’m going to aim for, plan and train for..? Imagine that, me in training for something. It’s proving a challenge in itself just wrapping my head around that one. I need some time to think about it, because I want it to mean something, you know?  But I will come back to you on that, because along with my BHAG in terms of longer term weight control, and my short and medium term milestones I can see a hole opening up in my overall plan for a fitness goal, and this would fit the bill perfectly.

With immaculate timing, another of our posse (also called Jan funnily enough, do you think there’s a conspiracy amongst Jans to focus my mind..?!) suggested to me yesterday that I check out the Nerd Fitness blog post about taking the first small step in terms of getting fitter. Interesting food for thought – again I’ve shared it on my page. I’ve never ever tried tackling both diet and fitness at the same time. The asshole in my mind is currently having an utter meltdown that I might even be considering such a thing…he’s on the ropes where my eating plan is concerned given my level of focus and resolve, but he knows I’m on less sure footing where the whole fitness thing is concerned so his voice is loud and persistent. One at a time, get the weight down first so nothing hurts as much…

In the spirit of full disclosure, it’s what I want to hear you know? Sounds much easier and less painful so he’s kind of pushing on an open door. But setting a longer term fitness goal and building a plan might just give me the impetus to drown out his voice and get cracking. I’ve already started my extra walk a day with Charlie the dog, although to be honest the wheels came off a bit last week with not feeling too hot. It doesn’t feel like a habit yet either, but I’m sure I’ll get there.

How does the saying go..? You don’t have to be great before you can take the first step, but you have to take the first step before you can be great. I’m still trying to break free of these concrete boots 🙂

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