Tag Archives: exercise

A Day For Locking Horns

Biggest struggles, , ,

horns

So you’ve kind of caught me in a bit of a stand off with the Asshole in my mind as I sit down to write today’s post, in fact it’s safe to say that he’s doing everything within his power to live up to his name. He’s feeling cocky this morning, having scored his second handbag victory in the space of a week late last night when I was chilling out by having a mooch on line. It’s a good job I’m going back to work tomorrow, I’m feeling relaxed and happy with too much time on my hands and it’s proving to be a recipe for disaster.

With one win under his belt he’s clearly got his eye on a hat trick and is coming at me hard on two fronts. Firstly food…it’s late morning and I’ve just eaten a decent brunch by anyone’s standards…skinny bacon, scrambled egg and mushrooms with two small pieces of toast. It was lovely, and it was enough. But he’s insisting that I need something sweet to ‘finish with’. And when I say sweet, I mean like chocolate sweet, or hob-nob sweet. I tried to counter-propose with a clementine but he was having none of it.

He’s got the terminology down pat – and why wouldn’t he, as someone who lives in my head he’s spent the last fifty years hearing it. The minute my Mum or my Grandma laid down their knife and fork, sure as eggs is eggs the first words out of their mouth would be what shall we have to finish with? as though eating a meal in itself wasn’t enough. So it was something accepted as the norm you know? My mum, in her eighty third year still says it now, and plays by those rules and yet she’s the size of a sparrow, how does that work?!

A big fat cookie or a piece of homemade cake always materialised after every meal, and the Asshole sees it as an opportunity to push on an open door, since no matter how much time has elapsed between then and now, to me a meal always feels incomplete without something to finish with. Most of the time I don’t think too much about it, but today I’m obsessing about it, and he isn’t helping.

He’s also trying his level best to persuade me to have a total lazy-bum pyjama day. Yesterday and the day before I did a couple of really long walks with Charlie the dog – I posted a picture on our Facebook page showing just how far, did you see it? It was a little under three miles, with some long steep hills thrown in for good measure. Now I appreciate that to anyone who’s moderately fit, that’s child’s play, but genuinely it’s not very long since I couldn’t walk a hundred yards without getting screaming back ache, swollen ankles and a red hot poker through my knee. So to me, it’s a big deal.

And boy do I know about it today, every muscle in my lower body is hollering at me. My feet ache, my calves ache and I have a blister. And I know my son would happily walk the dog today if I asked, seeing as he’s off work. So I could have a pyjama day…the conditions are right and I have no other need to go out.

I really really want to do that. I’ve got stuff on sky+ that I’ve had on series record and I want to build a huge plate of something to finish with, lay back in my big fat leather recliner and watch TV, all day, in pyjamas. I’ve spent many happy hours doing exactly that. To be fair that’s probably why I’m the size of a moose, right?

Once I’ve written this I’m going to find a plaster for my blister, stretch my calf muscles a little bit and quit moaning, Days like this really suck but I just need to pull on my big girl pants and get on with it. I might be locked horns with the asshole but over my dead body is he going to emerge the victor. No way.

Just so you know, me getting my shit together and going out with the dog is being driven by 25% wanting to build on the good stuff I’ve pulled off this week and 75% not wanting to have to ‘fess up to you guys that I’ve spent the day in my armchair surrounded by cake.

So thank you…you continue to work miracles 🙂

 

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Shopping Up A Storm

Freeform thoughts, ,

piggy

So I had several friends yesterday who did battle with the post-Christmas sales so they could snap up some bargains. Me, I love the idea of it, and God knows I love a good deal but the reality of joining thousands of other bargain hunters in the annual bunfight is just something I can’t contemplate. I mean, if they’d be happy to open up the store an hour before everyone else and let me quietly swan around picking off all the good stuff, well I’d be all over that…sadly I wasn’t born to that life.

But I did want to grab a bargain of my own…I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been mooching on line for a few weeks hoping to spot an exercise bike. I have to get fit this year if I’m going to conquer those mountains in Cuba and I sort of know that’s not going to happen of it’s own accord so I’ve been keeping my eyes open you know, for a bargain. I’ve trawled eBay and other similar resale sites and nothing’s really come up so I thought I’d chance my arm in the on-line January sales.

Now I approached this particular bargain hunt with extreme caution. For those of you who have read my ‘Exercise In The Home’ blog post from way back in August, you’ll understand my propensity for getting totally carried away in the moment, and buying something that isn’t what I think it is, and which has a lifetime use of zilch. I’m thinking of the treadmill that wasn’t a treadmill and the power plate in particular, but over the years there have been many. They come, they go. They get assembled, admired, occasionally dusted but rarely used. Not this time…this time is different.

Let’s recap. I wanted a cheap exercise bike, to help me get fit. Is that what I bought..? No of course that’s not what I fucking bought, that would be way too easy, right? What I bought was a state of the art elliptical cross trainer. Yes, I’m shaking my head right along with you. FFS!

So let me try and explain, as much for my benefit as yours because as of right now I’ve woken up and put myself in the doghouse. As part of my cautious approach (stop laughing) I wanted to do my homework. So I had a look on line at what kind of equipment gives you a good all over workout, helps to build stamina, doesn’t put too much strain on your joints, all that good stuff.

To be honest, the exercise bike idea came pretty low down the table. Great for legs, and good cardio but not too hot on upper body, and the bingo wings wouldn’t even get a look in. So I started mooching more widely and the general consensus was that an elliptical cross-trainer would tick pretty much all boxes. Right then…I’ll get me one of them. A cheap one.

Apparently, the cheap ones are perfectly fine for servicing a skinny string bean who doesn’t weigh more than a helium balloon. If you have so much as one toe in sumo it’s a different story. Seemingly, to avoid it all going horribly wrong and ending up tangled in a machine that’s collapsed around you as you work up a sweat, you have to spend more. A fair bit more as it turns out. Ker-ching!

On reflection, I’m slowly inching my way out of the doghouse. It’s an investment in my commitment to this journey and to the longer term abolition of these bingo wings which have to be tucked into my sleeves on a daily basis. Yes, I could have bought an annual membership to a fancy gym for the same money, but I don’t think I could make that fit into my life. I’m time poor, and there’s no sense in setting myself up to fail.

It’s going to look ridiculous in my bedroom, a big shiny steel monster amongst the shabby chic of patchwork, stone and beams, but I can fall out of bed and get at it before I shower in the morning. Crap. I’m going to hate it aren’t I? But you know what, that’s ok…I’m mentally preparing myself. I’ve no doubt that I will wear my very best ‘bulldog chewing a wasp’ face as I get to grips with it and I’m pretty sure I’ll turn the air blue by effing and jeffing on a daily basis. At first. But I’m going to make damned sure this one doesn’t end up as a clothes stand. That’s my promise to myself, and you all heard me, right?

It gets delivered sometime next week…I’m excited with a touch of trepidation but 2016 starts here, and I’m ready 🙂

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In For A Penny…

Freeform thoughts, , ,

kitten lion

So you know I said I was going to find a longer term fitness challenge..? I knew I’d find the perfect thing if I was patient. I wanted it to be something I have plenty of time to plan and prepare for, something really challenging but do-able. I need to be able to get fit enough to be 100% confident I’ll achieve it, and I wanted it to be something so awesome that I would always remember it. A defining moment you know?

Quite a lot of you have reached out to suggest things, and you know what, I might do a couple of race for life events as a way of building up my endurance and stamina, although I have to manage your expectations up front and say there’ll be less racing and more red-faced sweaty walking going on, depending on when they take place. After my two and a half mile walk on Saturday I feel like someone’s run me over with a truck but I’m quietly pleased with the way I pushed through my aches and pains when I took Charlie dog out yesterday afternoon…we even did the long circuit much to his delight.

I’ve also had a couple of offers to head on over the pond and participate in some local events, all of which I’d love to do at some point…imagine that, the former fat girl’s world fitness tour 🙂 But first, listen… I’ve found it. I’ve found the thing I’m going to do. I’ve already thrown my hat into the ring, registered my interest and I’m just waiting to find out whether my application has been accepted. And I’m so psyched about it…I’ll be on pins until January when I find out. But I can’t afford to wait…I need to start planning my approach.

So…want to know what it is..?

If my application is accepted, in October 2016 I’ll be completing a 90km trek over five days, from Havana across the Escambray mountain range to Trinidad in central Cuba. It’s the kind of challenge I never dared to imagine would be possible on a personal level, and I’m also hoping to raise a wedge of money for my chosen charity.

I should perhaps point out that right at this moment, the asshole in my mind has keeled over, laughing hysterically and in between snorts of derision is busy trying to tell me that it’s impossible – and I’ve got to be honest, if I really sit and think about it, fuck me it’s a big ask. In the next nine months I need to lose at least 70lbs, and build up enough stamina to be able to trek roughly 18km per day over some big-assed hills. I’m more scared about having to sleep in a tent than I can tell you…without blowing my own trumpet I’d make a lovely supper for a dingo, and besides that they have spiders the size of tanks in Cuba. I mean talk about in for a penny, in for a pound. But you know what, I can do it.

I’ll still be 60lbs too heavy for my frame at that point, but if I’ve given it everything I’ve got in nine months of training, I’ll have a reasonable level of fitness, and when I get back I’ll be on the home stretch on that journey to Skinny Town, right? It’s a massive thing, and right now I’m getting carried along by excitement, terror and pure blind faith that things will work out ok.

So, posse…what do you think..? Do you reckon I can do it..?

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Me? I Said That?

In the here & now, ,

feet

Well what an awesome weekend we just had…honestly, if laughing was an olympic sport we would have had every place on the podium. I will forever look back at the weekend and smile – the messy and highly inappropriate Friday afternoon session where we worked our way through the extensive cocktail menu in the lido lounge as we set sail across a very choppy sea is one highlight. The Salty Dog cocktail which tasted of feet was particularly memorable.

The Friday evening dinner followed by super-cheesy jazz hands entertainment with more than a few singers who wouldn’t have been able to hit a note if their lives had depended on it was hilarious.  The open-top bus tour of Dublin in the wind yesterday was good fun especially since one of our gang was trying to sleep off the excesses of Friday night on the back seat, and mooching around the Christmas markets was very festive…it’s just been epic, all of it.

I’m very happy to report that even with Singapore Slings and Whisky Sours running through my veins I wasn’t tempted to renege on the deal where my food plan was concerned and that’s one of the things I will look back on with immense satisfaction. I did it! I made a plan, and I stuck to it. Which, you know to Joe Average is sort of normal, nothing to write home about. For me, it still feels like a major achievement when it’s related to making skinny choices.

We came out of the Christmas markets area yesterday with the intention of flagging a taxi back to the ship, which we could just about see in the distance. I heard someone say the words why don’t we just walk? and as I looked around to see who’d made such a ridiculous suggestion, I saw five friends with their mouths open staring at me, and realised it was me. I’d suggested that. WTF is that all about?

So we did. It was about two and a half miles in the end, according to my wrist bitch, which to be fair I almost had to reboot – her internal micro chip came close to meltdown. On a daily basis she’s used to giving me a virtual kick up the hiney with encouraging messages like Come on, you’re an eighth of the way towards your daily move target! and Don’t give up now, just another nine thousand steps to go! Yesterday I’d swear there was a touch of hysteria when she announced You have reached your daily move target! When she realised I’d doubled it she was verging on emotional.

I was so knackered when we got back – I was footsore and my Ugg boots had rubbed blisters on my heels, but I did it. It was the kind of thing a normal person would do you know? I felt awesome. Well, to be more accurate I felt awesome after I’d made it as far as the ship’s spa for an emergency pedicure and foot massage, which I figured I’d earned 🙂 You know as I reflect back to my holiday in August when every step was agony, when I spent the time on shore excursions looking for a place to sit and rest my 300lb+ body and walking was something I was major-league struggling with it served as another sharp reminder of exactly how far I’ve come over the last four months.

It’s a good job – remember I said I was looking around for my longer term fitness challenge..? I’ve seen it…I know what I want to do.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you, right? Watch this space 🙂

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I Spy, With My Little Eye…

Diet update, In the here & now, , ,

green shoot

I sort of got distracted and a bit giddy at the weekend by the fact that we had a blog anniversary, so as I sat down to do my customary reflections on the week and non-diety diet update I talked more about the blog than about me. I ran out of space before I’d gotten to talking about me…I’m kind of ok with that but you know what, this past week for the first time it’s occurred to me that I’m starting to see some really subtle changes in my physical self. And I should tell you!

When I say subtle, I really mean subtle…I haven’t leaped out of bed on any given day feeling different, but you know that way where you’ve had toothache or a sore muscle for a while and it’s become the kind of dull ache you get used to? It’s not until you suddenly notice that it’s not aching quite as much as it did that you stop short and think when did that happen..? Well, my stop short moment happened on Friday evening last week when I was out with some friends for dinner.

We ate in a lovely restaurant that we’ve been to before but I’ve got to be honest and say that the chairs aren’t the most comfortable chairs I’ve ever sat on…the round wooden seats are not built for bums of substance. Last time we were there I remember being so uncomfortable, to the point where it was distracting. I felt shuffly all night, you know? Now don’t get me wrong, I could still have easily pulled two together and claimed one for each cheek, however I left the restaurant this time without feeling that I’d been balanced on a button all night. Subtle, but different.

And yesterday, when I was out walking with Charlie…we got to the point in the walk where we can turn right to complete a circuit back home, or carry on up the hill to do a much bigger circuit. He kind of throws me that resigned look when we get to the crossroads, having long ago realised that nine times out of ten we’re going right. As we got there yesterday, the red hot poker in my knee wasn’t trying to take my breath away with every step, so much to his delight we carried on. Again, don’t get me wrong, the long route still only takes us a mile or so but the difference yesterday was it only hurt a little bit. Subtle, but different.

Getting in and out of the car feels a little bit easier, because I’m just that little bit less restricted by all the padding around my middle. I’m two dress sizes smaller than when I started this journey back in August. Again, the difference between a 28 and a 24 is not as noticeable as the difference between a 16 and a 12…so it’s subtle, but it’s there. And I feel it.

So I spy, with my little eye…green shoots are starting to poke their inquisitive little tips out of this fat suit. My friend commented last week that she saw my thin face, just for a second before it disappeared back into it’s cradle of double chin, but it popped out for a quick look around none the less…I’m here to tell you it’s been a while since that saw the light of day.

Someone once said to me just because you don’t see results after a day, or a week, don’t give up…you may not see changes, but every good choice you make is affecting you in ways you cannot imagine.

Ain’t that the truth!

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