Tag Archives: blogging

Unleashing The Skinny Wrath

In the here & now

Snake-Oil-Salesman

So, it’s about a month since I tinkered around with the blog, and started displaying a couple of advertising banners down the right hand side. Eventually, of course I’d like to get to a place where I can earn even a little bit of revenue from all the hours of love I pour into the blog, and so this was my first attempt at exploring the art of the possible.

I think it’s fair to say it hasn’t been a rip roaring success, mainly down to the fact that the adverts have largely been shit. I mean, I’m not allowed to click on my own advertising banner, so I have no way of knowing what lays beneath the headlines. However, when I look at a cartoon picture of a badly drawn banana, accompanied by the suggestion that I should avoid this and four other fruits if I wish to preserve my levels of testosterone, I have to say I probably wouldn’t fall over myself to make further enquiries even if I was allowed.

Nor would I have been tempted by the advert for Metal Supermarkets, Government solar panel funding or some file converter free download thingy. Yesterday they even had the cheek to offer a click-through opportunity to meet  Russian singles, I mean come on. All I needed was an advert for Snake Oil and I would have had a full set of dodgy. There’s clearly work to do, and I don’t think even the most persuasive marketeer could convince me that these morsels were hand picked to tempt my discerning readership.

Hardly surprising then, that over the month I appear to have earned the princely sum of 47p. It seems my dreams of imminent retirement were a little premature, dammit. So, I started looking around, and thought maybe I’d give Amazon a try. I mean that’s a reputable site, right? They sell pretty much anything and their affiliate programme is supposed to be quite good, so I decided to can my first attempt and write my 47p loss down to experience.

Thirty minutes after I submitted my details to Amazon I got a polite thanks, but no thanks. I quote:

I have reviewed your application. When selecting Amazon.co.uk Associates Programme participants, we try to determine why a customer would seek out the website in question.

The programme is not set up to simply advertise Amazon.co.uk and third party links within websites, or make mini Amazon websites.

Since your website does not appear to be finished, we encourage you to resubmit your application after creating a unique site with original content.

Chuffing cheeky knackers! I lost it at that point…original content??? I’ll give them original bloody content…how about the blog posts I’ve written every single day for the last 8 months? There’s one hundred and fifty thousand words’ worth of original content right there for starters. I was beyond mad. So, they got a Dee special email by return… 🙂

Anyway, it turns out when they bothered to look again that I’m welcome after all. Sorry Dee, human error. Yeah whatever, I felt like telling them where to shove it to be honest, out of principle and sheer bloody-mindedness but I’ve never been one to cut my nose off to spite my face, so I didn’t. Anything’s got to be better than the dross we’ve been served by the other guys, right? So that’s how come you’ll start to see Amazon branded ads…I’m mixing it up a bit to see whether it works any better for me, and of course for you guys.

Better..? 🙂

By the way, just in case any of my subscribers are wondering why your skinny mail appears to have stopped, there was apparently some bug in the system but I’m assured you’ll start getting them again from tomorrow. I just don’t have much luck with subscription feeds do I?!

 

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Tea For The Posse

In the here & now, ,

rating

I woke up today to a message from a company who want to send me a freebie, in exchange for me doing a review of their product on our website – how exciting! Well, that was my first thought. Let me wind back a few steps…do you remember when I went to meet all my fellow UK Blog Awards finalists one evening a few weeks ago in London? Quite a few people mentioned back then that they regularly got offered free stuff, and I remember thinking then that maybe I should muscle in and start blogging about holidays, or fashion or something where lots of interesting free stuff might come my way…I love a bargain, me.

So there was much giddiness at Skinny Towers this morning, I kind of feel like I’ve arrived. Except there seems to be so many rules about how to manage stuff like that, that I immediately started stressing and my biggest worry of all of course, was what if I didn’t like the product? What if it tastes like feet?

It’s a range of teas, which allegedly help you detox and lose weight, and that all sounds really amazing but I’m not sure it’s something I’d get on with. I mean I can’t imagine that I could add a dash of milk and one sugar and drink it as I’m doing the washing up, you know? I think I’d need a yoga mat and a strappy top and a clear complexion with no wrinkles. And a serene expression, which has never been my forte.

I’ve never been very good at funny teas. I have a friend at work who’s really into fruit teas. They always smell amazing, and there are no calories in them at all so you could drink them all day long. But they confuse my senses, which kind of makes me suspicious you know?  They smell like guava, or blackberry or some other exotic thing, but they never actually taste like they smell, and that messes with my mojo. Invariably when I’ve tried them, I find they just taste of feet.

I think I’m going to have to decline their offer, right? It doesn’t feel right to accept something that I’m fairly certain I’m not going to like, and quite apart from that, this isn’t really the kind of blog where I’m bringing you the latest trends in this or that anyway, is it? You’re not used to me saying do this, or try that and it makes me feel a bit weird imagining myself in that space.

If I’d set myself up as some kind of expert, or had set my stall out as the blogging guru of weight loss, you know, someone who dispensed advice and guidance left and right then it might be different. But all I really do is share with you the inner workings of my head, which I’m constantly trying to wrestle into the sensible zone, whilst simultaneously squashing the asshole voice and doing the best I can on my own journey down the scale. It’s about what turns lights on for me, rather than what might work for you, and that’s a subtle but important difference.

I do know that you listen carefully to the words I throw out there, and I’m regularly touched by the messages I get where you tell me that you’re relating and finding it helpful as you navigate your own journey. I love it when that happens, it honestly gives me the biggest buzz ever. So I’m really conscious that everything I write or talk about has to come from my heart, like it always has, otherwise it won’t be authentic.

That said, I’d just like to make it absolutely clear that if anyone from Chanel is poking around the blog, the same rules wouldn’t apply to your handbags, right? If you want a review writing about how a fat lass from Yorkshire feels carrying a piece from your latest collection, I’m very happy to oblige. I’ll say whatever you like, and it’ll be the best review you’ve ever had, I guarantee it 🙂

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And We’re Off!

In the here & now, , ,

aaargh

So, on the day when voting opened for the UK Blog Awards, I’d love to be able to report back and say that everything’s gone swimmingly, but come on, this is my life! Of course things haven’t gone without a hitch, in fact if ever a day was designed to send me over the edge and rocketing head first into the hob-nobs, yesterday would be it. Just…AAARGH!!!

Have you ever asked yourself the question why is nothing ever easy? Let me tell you that at quarter past midnight last night I was deep in email exchange with Gemma, the very patient Managing Director of the UK Blog Awards, who I’m sure is already regretting the day she ever heard of my blog, and is almost certainly wondering why I’m not accompanied at all times by a responsible adult.

Not only had I managed to enter our blog into the wrong category, I’d managed to lock myself out of my UKBA account too whilst I was in the process of trying to put it right. And after consultation with the posse over the last couple of days, I was ready to call out the two most voted-for posts – Part Woman, Part Ostrich, and What Would You Keep – but the ‘place holder’ ones that I dropped in when I filled out the entry were refusing to budge! Not that they’re bad ones, just not the ones we all picked. So that took a bit of faffing around with too…I’m knackered!

However, that said…voting is now OPEN!! It’s all very exciting…everyone is allowed to vote once per day. I’ve already cast mine, and I know a few of you have too, so we’re officially off the starting blocks! I did think about setting up an email account for the dog so he could join in the fun and we could bag a few extra votes but my sense of fair play prevailed and rallied against it, dammit. However, you can cast your vote HERE 🙂  And if you think your friends and family might like to join in too, well even better! It’s the top option in the drop down voting box, which casts a vote in both of the sections we are nominated in.

The reality is, I’m going to be rubbish at this campaigning malarkey…it’s already grating against every good nerve in my body that I’m asking for votes. I can feel my palms getting sweaty, and I sense the asshole in my mind limbering up to place a few choice words…yeah go on, ask again…you’re guaranteed to piss everybody off if you keep banging on about it…people will stop reading, they’ll switch off in droves…get over yourself. 

Is that a fat thing, or a me thing do you think? I suspect a bit of both…if you cast your mind back, in the ‘Police, Fire, Ambulance, Me’ post I talked about how I rarely ask for help, and this is sort of the same thing, right? Asking for stuff from other people is just something I struggle with, big time, so I suspect our campaign might be a bit more low key than some.

I’ve got to tell you, it was a very strange feeling seeing our blog up there, pitted against dozens of amazing entries…that’s the moment I’ve been waiting for you know? And the feeling didn’t disappoint, it feels awesome. Look what we did! When I started writing the blog, it was for the sole purpose of keeping myself accountable. 90,000 words later, I could never have imagined it would develop into what it’s become. You lot are awesome, do I tell you that enough?

So anyway, let me put my excitement about the blog awards to one side for a moment, guess what else turned up this weekend…yes, my cross-trainer. What I wasn’t expecting when I opened the box was for it to come in four thousand different pieces. I thought the hardest part would be actually getting fit, I didn’t realise I’d need a PHD in knobs to put the damn thing together before I could rustle up a single bead of sweat, I mean come on.

One look at the instructions and I could practically taste those hob-nobs. Fortunately a knight in shining armour offered his services, so he’s coming over to assemble it for me tonight. By the skin of my teeth, no hob-nobs were consumed in the meltdown which followed the opening of the big box, and now help is on the horizon the urge to eat has melted away.

All told, it was quite a stressful day…the kind of day where six months ago I would have eaten my own bodyweight in chocolate. Instead of which, last night I went to bed with a couple of points left unspent.

How about them apples!

 

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If You Don’t Back Yourself…

In the here & now, , ,

yes

I had a lovely long chat this morning with a friend of mine who knows Break Out The Skinny Girl is my voice and she’d called me, full of excitement having read yesterday’s post about the UK Blog Awards. She really made me laugh when she cut straight to the chase and demanded to be part of any red carpet event, ever, which resulted from my blog having a moment in the spotlight. She’s already planning her outfit, and more importantly, the shoes.

I found that so funny, given that it’s her dream to pose and smile in front of popping flashbulbs, where the same scenario would be my absolute nightmare. I’d be the one sneaking in the back door whilst nobody was looking! I brought her down to earth just a tiny bit and re-based her expectations that in the unlikely event that we got as far as being invited to the awards night it probably wouldn’t be on the same scale as the Academy Awards, and Brad Pitt probably wouldn’t be there.

I’m still feeling a bit like a rabbit caught in the headlights at the fact that I even entered a competition in the first place, you know? It’s not like me at all. Living life in a really fat body means that I get judged on a regular basis by people who don’t even know me, whether I invite their opinion or not, so to put myself in a position where I’m asking to be judged isn’t something I ever recall doing before and I’ve got to admit it’s making me a bit twitchy.

But you know what?  You’ve got to back yourself.

Take my individual blog posts as an example…when I’ve finished writing one, and I’ve done my usual tinkering around the edges, I press the button and send it out there into the big wide world for you guys to read, along with a bright shiny five-star rating to see it on its way. And yes, of course, I know that when you read them, you’ll relate to some more than others, but that’s not the point…if I don’t believe myself that a post is as good as I can possibly make it, how could I even hope you’d enjoy reading it?

It’s the same thing with my diet. I’m backing myself 100% on this journey. I’m going to do it, I know I am. I have an unshakeable belief. And what’s more, I believe this time when I get to Skinny Town I’m going to stay there. When I haven’t felt this way, my diets have failed and Lord knows over the years there have been so many epic fails. To pinch a quote from that great philosopher ‘anonymous’ this time I’m too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated.

Which brings us back to the UK Blog Awards…I have no hope or expectation that we’ll win anything, and for me it’s not about that, as much as being up there, side by side with the big guns you know? Our modest little blog with a few hundred regular readers sharing the same platform with folk who have gazillions of followers and do this for a living…that’s what success looks like to me, right there. I’m going to feel a tiny bit proud…we might be small in the grand scheme of things but we’re in the game, right?

So anyway, voting opens tomorrow and lasts for a couple of weeks – tomorrow’s post will probably go live a bit earlier than usual once I have access to the links so I can shamelessly beg you all to cast your votes and ask everyone you know to cast theirs too 🙂 I shall also have to beg your indulgence for the next couple of weeks, you may see the logo and the link appearing once or twice more..!

Will I be voting for myself..? You bet your sweet ASS I will, every day for as long as voting is open, because I can! 

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Back Of The Net!

Biggest Triumphs, , , ,

goal

In all the excitement yesterday of throwing our arms wide to welcome in a bright and shiny 2016, and with light bulbs popping here and there, I got distracted and forgot to mention…it’s a little bit snug, but the size 22 top I’ve been lusting after since I came back from Vegas fastened with only a soupçon of persuasion! There’s no truth in the rumour that my lips turned blue from holding my breath as I tried it on, and I’m claiming it as another little goal achieved 🙂

I realise that it’s all relative…I mean there might be folk in our posse who’ve lived their entire lives as skinny string beans, and the acquisition of just a little bit of padding means they’re as unhappy with their size as I am with mine…we super-fatties don’t have the monopoly on low self esteem, right? And to those guys, the thought of being a size 22 must make them want to go have a lie down in a darkened room with a cold compress. But speaking as someone who was a size 28 just one hundred and thirty eight days ago, I’m feeling pretty awesome.

So, obviously my thoughts have now turned to what next. I like having bite sized goals – seriously, what other sort would you expect to have on a fat girl’s blog – and I like measuring it in dress sizes, because it’s tangible you know? Holding something up against yourself and stepping a little further from no chance! every time is a real motivator for me. So I think eight weeks seems a reasonable time frame to aim for the next size down…what do you think? Let’s call that out as my next mini goal…1st March, officially the first day of spring and I’m shooting for a 20.

Right, so listen, come closer…I need your help for a minute. Something rather exciting is about to happen…we’re entering a competition! Our blog’s been accepted into the running for the UK Blog Awards, and I’ve got to submit two blog posts from the archives, in preparation for the public vote which starts on Monday. OMG!!!!  I feel a bit sick – me, the least competitive person you’ll ever meet, putting us out there to be judged…clearly I had a moment of insanity when I clicked on the go for it button.

To be fair, I don’t think we have a cat in hell’s chance of getting past the first round, because there are some really professional looking blogs out there and for me, this is my passion and my hobby but it’s not a commercial enterprise. So all I’m really looking to do is to raise the profile of the blog a little bit, and welcome a few more folk into the posse.

But this is where I really need your help. I’m hoping you’ll throw yourself right in and cast your vote of course, but I need to be even more demanding of you than that…which two posts do I pick? I mean, to me they’re like my babies…each one lovingly and thoughtfully crafted in order to serve you up a smile, or some reflection, or if I really hit the back of the net to help you feel less alone on this journey, like you’re not the only person who’s trying to climb out of their fat suit, you know? And of course I get all that right back at me from you guys…me, I’m just the one who stirs the pot.

I can’t choose between them! I was just going to pick the two top rated posts, but the proportion of folk in the posse who use the star rating buttons is quite small, so I’d rather throw it out there and ask you guys. You know better than me which ones you like the best. You’re the experts!

I’ve got to submit my choices on Sunday, and I’ll tell you more about it then…I’ve got some logos I need to figure out how to use, and I’ll probably spend the weekend looking confused and pressing lots of buttons in the hope that something sticks where it should, but in the meantime, which two blog posts from our archive should I lay out in all their glory to showcase the best of what we’ve got?

Over to you guys…help!

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