I actually contemplated taking a picture of the Shitbird scale yesterday morning without me standing on it, sort of like a shitbird selfie. In the end, Wednesday’s fall from grace turned into a five day free-for-all, and yesterday was going to be the day it all came good, except it didn’t.
The last thing I wanted to see was a shitty number staring back at me as I struggled with everything else, so I ignored the Shitbird and refused to make eye contact. It was after 11pm before I finally accepted that you lot would likely pelt me with rotten fruit if I tried to wriggle out of being accountable so there we are then, over five pounds in the wrong direction when I finally hopped aboard. Fuck.
I deserve it, to be fair. I’ve been ridiculous. Again. And I don’t know what to tell you. It’s weird you know, more than once since I started writing the blog, some of you have mentioned that other weight-related blogs you’ve followed have disappeared like a fart on a breeze as soon as the person writing it fell off the wagon and when their diet fell by the wayside, so did their writing. I’ve even noticed it myself, you know? There have been two or three people whose journey I’d become invested in, whose posts have become so infrequent as to be virtually non existent. And that’s a real shame, I mean personally speaking – and from a purely selfish perspective – I need you lot more than ever when I’m under the wheels.
It is more than a little bit embarrassing though. I mean, here am I writing a weight loss blog and not losing any fucking weight. More than that, I keep writing about how determined I am and how it’s all going to be great from here on in because this time I’m going to do it except I never fucking get it done. I’m the Queen of empty promises, and that sucks.
For the first time this weekend I kind of understood the reluctance to put words down on the page, but I don’t think it was because I didn’t have anything to say…you know me, I always have words even if I’m just talking shite. The only way I can describe it is it’s like I was rebelling against talking to you lot because you’re all part of my journey, and since me and the diet weren’t even on fucking speaking terms I didn’t want to engage at all. I didn’t log into the blog after I posted on Friday until I was forced to record the shitbird number last night. And that never happens.
I come in here every day, even if it’s not a day where I’m writing. I check out who’s passed through, I respond to my messages, I approve and reply to comments and weed out the trolls and the spam. It’s my safe and happy place and it’s become a big part of my life. But this weekend I just dissed it completely. Messages went unanswered, which is just rude, and if you’ve taken the time to write to me and I haven’t answered you yet I’m really sorry…I will eventually, of course I will. But I’ve been a weird version of myself just because…well, it all feels very fucked up at the moment and I don’t know why.
Answers on a postcard please..? I’m not in control.
However. Today’s a new day, right? Deep breath and start again 🙂
Dude. Just dude! I have been meaning to blog. I take tons of pictures for “my blog” yet there it sits. I was just puttering around the house thinking that I REALLY needed to blog. But then again do I? Because it is the same old, same old. Just a check in/update. To say that I am a week in on “good girl” mode. How many times have I been in this mode? MANY! TO MANY!!! Anyway I hopped on and just saw the snippet from yours about all the email and “me toos” so I came to read. 1000% agree. I was very active in 2013 I think it was and I got very vested in people’s lives. Things happen and life happens and I have no idea where any of them are. Two of them I can get ahold of thankfully. One on Fb and one through email. So if anyone remembers Chubby Mcgee and Norma I can help. LOL Anyway the point of this is just to say I completely feel ya!
Awesome! You may have just put people’s minds to rest haha 🙂
It’s a bugger, isn’t it, this dieting lark. I would like to be your biggest cheerleader because you are honest and open and all those blogs about dieters being super-efficient at the gym, super wonderful about eating healthily and super-confident about smashing it every week leave, I am sure, most of us feeling totally deflated. It’s not that I want you to fall off the wagon, or be useless at losing weight, but I suspect most of us can relate to your post. It’s a mental thing, isn’t it? Your head has to be in the right place to get up every day and do all the things you have to do to make the lard coating melt away. I kick myself when I lose sight of my goals, but I do it so bloody often that I console myself that I am only human and tomorrow is another chance to get it right. If it goes awry tomorrow I don’t kick myself, mainly because we do have to be our own cheerleaders. Be the cheerleader who says I have enjoyed a mini-splurge. It was good at the time, it’s not the end of the world . I am not going to beat myself up because guilt is counter-productive. I can do this. I have done it before. See where the day takes you, be prepared, and don’t be resentful of having to tighten the reins. I know it is steps forwards then backwards, but unless you are superwoman, that’s the road so many of us – most of us – go down. You’ll get back on track because like me, you do want to care for yourself properly. Most of the time. Good luck.
Ah Dawn that’s really great advice and I really appreciate the fact that you’re 100% in my corner! 😘
I feel your pain, I really do. I’ve had a rubbish weekend too, not really over eating but can’t be arsed to go to the gym, cancelling exercise classes that I enjoy! WTF? No idea…but I’m going to carry on. The alternative is I balloon and I’m not having it!
So dont Beat Yourself up. We are only Human and we need to stick at it through The good and bad Xxxx
Ah thanks Fiona. Let’s keep fighting the fight! 😘
The only way you lose the game is to quit playing. Never Give Up!
I promise I never will Mimi 😘
Lost for words…..except that your story is mine. You will find your way….do not give up!
One thing I promise Michelle is that I’ll never give up! 😊
There’s a movement for a period of blind weighing: that is you work away at healthy eating, weigh weekly with a pal who doesnt disclose your weight, and get the “result” at the end of the month/6 weeks etc idea being (i think) being a slave to the scales can be counter productive.
That’s not a bad shout Maryann. I never used to use the scale as a measure. I’m just in that place where I don’t know what I want to do!!
There’s no need to be embarrassed. Anyone that’s ever struggled with weight loss knows how hard it is. I’ve been dieting most of my life so nothing you say here is a surprise ’cause I’ve lived it.
Also, if you didn’t get weighed until 11pm you would have weighed more than you would had you weighed first thing in the morning before you had all your meals and drinks.
As for other bloggers that go silent, it makes me sad because it’s in the valleys that we learn valuable lessons and when shared it helps the rest of us. So just know that whether you are riding high or struggling we are sharing the journey and wishing only the best for you.
Ah thanks Jo, and you know how important you guys are to me in helping me on the (ahem) journey!! I truly appreciate your support 🙂
Nothing about this journey when we are in it for the long haul is EASY Dee. I appreciate your honesty so much. All I can say is go back to doing what you know works for YOU.
Every day we need to wake up and renew our commitment to healthy eating and living (daily renewal). I have failed many times over the 21 years since I started trying to eat right and exercise regularly but I have never completely given up; that daily renewal has saved my butt many times.
You keeping it real no matter what is what makes us want to come here and read and we know that we are not alone in our struggles. Hang in there you will figure this out.
Ah thanks Susan, I hope so. I just hope I manage to figure it out before I get to the bottom of the biggest snake on the board!!
I know it’s not just about a plan hun, it’s more than that depending where your head is at but let’s make a plan, even if it’s to meet up once a week to do a different exercise, let’s get up and out and moving and everything else will follow. I know we’re all or nothing kind of gals but let’s try one or two small changes a week, instead of us being so drastic all the time. You’ve got this, let me know when Youre available and I’ll be there, right beside you buddy xxx
I know you will. And I’m being a drama queen because I’m feeling out of control. Roll on summer, when it’s possible to get out on the bikes or go for a walk without freezing half to death. I am SO over winter now!!
I totally agree with that! Roll on summer … I see cuts, grazes and bruises ahead 😂
Ha, yes!!
BTW, I have noticed this about blogs that bloom & grow, and go pffft! Listen, this is another post I rate “excellent.”
Your humor, your openhearted generosity when you’ve shared sorrows with us, any time you’ve struggled in this Project, or feel like you fucking dropped the reins. Hell, all of us get to just Get Up In Your Business! When you’ve had to miss an instalment, we miss you. Tell the truth, Botsg is different.
Ah that’s the second time you’ve made me smile this morning Fleury. I can only be so honest because I know you guys are in my corner. Love ya 😘
I so agree with Fleury! I rely on your honesty and humor to get me through! Because we all struggle daily with this! I come here to buck myself up and to remember why we are in this. Also you can weigh 10 lbs more at night after you have been eating and drinking all day! The good thing is, (as I tell myself daily) that you can start over with every bite. I am here even though I do not comment much, I am in your corner. It is so worth the fight.
I have seen this happen a lot. And of course there is embarrassment and a whole host of other reasons/emotions.
But what I want to say is I think at some point the inside and the outside have to balance.
The actions and the thoughts/words have to find some sort of even-ness.
One can’t live in a state of NO equilibrium, NO balance, in my opinion.
And so then things shift one way or the other. It might be helpful balance or it might be injurious. But I think it eventually goes one way or the other.
I am not sure that makes any sense, but it is what I think happens.
I think I know what you mean Vickie. I hope it goes the right way. I hope I can influence it.